Hey, when you are BEING a knucklehead does it mean you ARE a knucklehead?

Hey, when you are BEING a knucklehead… does it mean you ARE a knucklehead?

Or you are just doing the only exercise most people do: jumping into conclusions.

Listen if you can recognize yourself in this story:

A lot of my clients find themselves in a trap…

For example, they make a mistake. They are frustrated. Or they are scared. Or they are angry. Or they are devastated. Even suicidal.

They say to themselves: Here I go again!…

…I am never going to get it right! I am never going to learn this… I better give up while I am ahead! I am stupid! I am a loser! and on and on and on I could go with the examples how people abuse themselves.

Continue reading “Hey, when you are BEING a knucklehead does it mean you ARE a knucklehead?”

I don’t want to be judged! you cry. But YOU judge everything and everyone…

Why would you think that someone will judge you? Simple… you have already judged yourself.

But why would you? Not everyone judge themselves. I, for example, don’t… or not often at all. I often assess myself, my behavior, my looks, my stuff… but assessment does not carry condemnation in it, and it doesn’t carry praise in it either.

What is the difference between judgment and assessment 1 ?

The main difference is fixed mindset.

In judgment, the judging person lives as if there were a fixed good or bad, smart or stupid, right or wrong. And then they act as if they were assigned the job of judging…

So a high fixed mindset plus arrogance, superiority, plus high desire/low ambition numbers.

I have found that people with this combination are unable, unwilling, or resistant to do the work of the Playground. Continue reading “I don’t want to be judged! you cry. But YOU judge everything and everyone…”

People will always judge you and what you are doing. It’s part of the machine to judge.

People will always judge you and what you are doing. It’s part of their machine.

There is nothing you can do about that. Judging is the only way humans have access to “what’s happening”. It is the right circle (the meaning and story circle)… and it is NEVER empty… You can call it meaning, you can call it story, you can call it judgment, you can call it commentary, you can call it whatever you want to: it never goes away.

Mother Teresa may be right… but doing it anyway, giving your best anyway, may be a really uphill struggle, unless… unless you set the context. She did… masterfully, and she made people “write big numbers” as a result. Continue reading “People will always judge you and what you are doing. It’s part of the machine to judge.”

Do You Think You Can Tell WHAT You See? Accurately?

Most of us, we are sure we can see everything. Exactly the way it is. We make decisions based on what we see, and our decisions and actions take us to live the life we live.

Most of us live a life of quiet desperation. It was true at the time of Henry David Thoreau, and it is true now.

We don’t even know why we see something that isn’t there, and why don’t see things that are there… But we clearly make decisions, act from faulty data, faulty information.

There is a discipline and coaching paradigm I studied and used about 9 years ago. It is based on axiology, work of the Nobel Prize nominated Robert Hartman.

Axiology is the study of value or quality. It is the science that deals with what is good and what is not. Beyond and independent of subjective judgment.

There is a test Axiology uses to help you see what way you see the world (Value Profile). The test we ran had 4 parameters by which we could map out the potential for success of any individual.

One of them is called ‘clarity’. In my work I call it ‘astuteness’.

We all think we are clear. Yet we are probably a lot less than clear if our life is not a symphony and a victory of the human power and spirit.

Clarity is the relationship between your view of what you consider reality and reality. It can be measured, to what degree what you see and what is actually there. How much they overlap.

And second degree is how much detail you can tell in what you see.

I like to use an analogy from my publishing/printing background: In order to print a continuous tone, like a photograph, you need to break up the original to dots. The measure is called dot per inch, which means how many dots, each direction, you can print on a paper without the dots touching each other and therefore causing a blotch instead of a clear picture.

  • Newsprint paper is porous, so the density of of dots on that type of paper is maximum 75 dots per inch.
  • Semi glossy magazines and brochures are printed at about 105-120 dots per inch.
  • Playboy is printed at 150 dots per inch.

When you look at a newspaper picture, sometimes you are not sure if the person has a mole or just there is a shadow or maybe a blotch of ink where you think the mole is. Glossy brochures are better at details, Playboy is really really really good.

I use this dot per inch analogy to show that we normally see the world in a certain level of clarity (dots per inch).

  • In order to have a clearer picture, one thing we can do, is to add dots where there are no dots.
  • Another is to remove the blotches, that in clarity’s terms are the misconceptions: societal, familial, or personal.

Adding dots is a simple learning process coupled with friends of colleagues who can help you with accuracy. (Critiquing is an important tool, though most people hate it… sorry to say.)

Removing blotches is harder, and this is my specialty. Distinctions are the major tool for that. Distinctions are those invisible things that once they become visible, lots of blotches disappear. Read my other posts an my sites on that. Search in the sidebar… for distinction.

And come back for more… I am the Distinctions Queen, so all my posts will take you deeper into this particular rabbit hole.