How we keep our self-worth, self-value low in life… new insights

I have been posting my articles on Medium, an online platform, for the past two years. This morning I was tallying up what articles were well read, well thought of… and was pondering if I should write articles that people like, or if I should continue writing articles that people need. Articles that only I can write… writing those is more fun for me.

I can look at the question through many different “filters”… integrity, i.e. being true to myself. Being true to my principle: “Never doing anything for money that I wouldn’t want to do for free.” or the newest distinction for me: project mode vs process mode.

Wanting more article likes is project mode. Writing articles is being with what I am writing, and the articles will produce the results they will: this is the process mode.

Learning

Learning new things is both exciting, and humbling. More humbling, in a way, than exciting. I never really want to learn anything new, not about myself, not about life, not about people, not about anything. I already know enough, says a part of me… and I break out in hives (figuratively) at the option of learning something new.

And then, when I do learn something new, I have to process it, and rebuild my self-view, maybe even my world view. It could be fun, but it really not pleasant.

If you consider that this is what I ask from other people, for a living, I could be viewed pretty “inauthentic”… looked in one way. I don’t think I am, I feel the pain it cost people to learn something new, and have compassion: see where they are at and am willing to help them through.

Yesterday’s article on the two hemispheres of the brain

Yesterday’s article was the result of a huge learning, and I didn’t hear any echo until this morning. Even this morning it wasn’t any talking about what I wrote: instead I got an example of how it is true, that when you move from the high mind-share, high about-me score, you have creativity and joy available to you.

What I didn’t see, and one of my students taught me, is that the project mode, when you are hellbent on getting the result, and put up with the process that you’d rather not have to go through, you are in the mind: the only place the future exists, you are in about-me mode, and you are in left-brain mode, even if you are doing “art”. Of some supposedly joyful thing, like a game, or sex, or a conversation.

When you shift into process mode, you are in the present moment, and that is definitely not mind. Mind doesn’t even know about the present moment.

This traditionally project mode student of mine did this shift, and for the first time he experienced joy and creativity (his one art is songwriting, he has others) and called his state: “I am better than ever.” The joy was tangible in his voice.

And that joy, that “being hooked up” to the divine source of joy, creativity, transcendence is available all the time, not like the project mode that has a time and a place and a duration… what most people seem to crave.

——————

The strait jacket of identity… and the string that move the puppet

This same student brought up an issue that has caused another unwanted learning for me (what I am referring to in the title of this article).

He was pondering and examining why he has the urge to teach his mother what he knows to teach… even though it always leaves him with a sense of emptiness and futility.

I recognized myself in that… I have been getting better at avoiding this, but only with a lot of self-discipline, using my short supply of will… to stop myself.

Maybe that is why, on days when I see people who I could teach, who don’t want to learn, never asked for it, don’t want it, don’t appreciate it, I get very tired, drained, and have suddenly no joy.

What’s going on in the invisible?

Most everyone had an incident in their lives where what they said or did was not appreciated, not heard, not valued, and now they are trying to fix it.

The problem is: you cannot fix anything that is not wrong.

If a screw falls out: you can put it back. If a vase breaks, you can glue it together, but if your diagnosis of what was “wrong”, amiss, is mistaken, all your efforts at fixing it won’t fix it: because it wasn’t broken to begin with.

We spend most of our lives trying to fix what never happened, what wasn’t real to begin with.

  • My decision was, about my failure to be heard, is that I was worthless, a throwaway, not valuable.
  • My student’s decision was, in his incident, that he can’t… Can’t possibly do what life wants him to do… no matter what he does.
  • And his Playground partner’s, in relationships, said: “I can’t win… not even if I yell”

And each person, who’s ever  experienced a “failure to be enough” in an incident, invented a fix… and that’s become part of the identity they are today.

  • I am hellbent on providing unique value, proving that I am smart
  • My student became well spoken
  • His Playground partner (I don’t want to use names for privacy) became alternately bombastic and meek and self-sacrificing in the face of people opposing him or wanting something from him.

All inauthentic ways of being… perpetuating the original failure to be…

  • …in my case to be seen by my mother as a person,
  • in my student’s case: being able to do what he was asked to do (mediate between his parents at a young age) and
  • in the case of his Playground partner: be able to be heard as capable and valid.

I have written a lot about being a puppet on a string: this is one example you are a puppet on a string… perpetually being pulled in to recreate an early misery… feeling less than… without having much power over it.

It is an invisible dynamic, and until it is revealed, fully seen for what it is, it will continue doing its dance, uninterrupted, at the expense of your joy, power, and self-expression.

It occurs to me that I could measure to what degree you have self-value…

  • My student: 10%
  • His partner: 10%
  • Me: 30%

This is not the same measure as overvaluing one’s worth as in delusion (also measured in the Starting Point Measurements.) It is what you bring into every conversation… what you hope is higher, but it is you who does whatever you need to do to keep it at the level you decided when you were young and someone invalidated you.

I lived most of my life with a low self-worth, a low self-value of 3% and have managed to overcome that impediment, somewhat, recently. I’d like to up it… but have no idea what I would need to do… so it’s time to have a heart to hearth with Source about that.

xxx

It is Tuesday and I get my weekly horoscope by Rob Brezsny in my inbox on Tuesdays.

Today, it seems, for the first time, his non-horoscope type content was so in sync with what is going on in my courses and for my students, that I had a feeling that I may be on the right track, doing the right thing, and the Universe agrees with me. Here are a few quotes from what he says in the email, and my comments:

THE MORE ACCIDENTAL, THE MORE TRUE

“The more accidental, the more true,” wrote Boris Pasternak. Scholar Mikhail Epstein expanded this observation: “The more accidental the phenomenon, the more divine its nature, for the divine is what has not been envisioned, what cannot be deduced from general rules, nor irreducible to them.”

If we pursue this line of thought to its logical conclusion, we may decide that the most useful sources of illumination are not always holy books, revered dogma, and great truths that everyone has heard. They might also be serendipitous anomalies that erupt into the daily routine and break the trance of ordinary awareness.

“The tiny spark,” Epstein writes, “is the precise measure of the holiness of the world.”

(Source: Mikhail Epstein, “Judaic Spiritual Traditions in the Poetry of Pasternak and Mandel’shtam.” Translated from Russian by Ruth Rischin.)

The nature of evil

To the degree that we stop projecting evil onto others and face it and deal with it in ourselves, we are far more likely to act with moral equanimity (mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.) toward everyone else.

Our effort to wrangle (argue) compassionately with the shadow within us is an effective ground-level way to purify and strengthen our efforts to help and redeem the outer world

Where to look for evil?

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”
— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

There is a vast difference between smart and intelligent…

There is a vast difference between smart and intelligent1

Smart is a born-with potential, mainly inherited, depends on the size of your brain. Intelligence is what you make with what you got… through learning. What is in your brain…  what it can do.

You may be smart, but chances are 99.99% that you are not intelligent. Because intelligence shows up in your choices… oho… not good, right?

Your smart score stays the same for your entire life. Your intelligence changes with what you eat, what you just ate, how you feel, how you slept, and, of course, what you have taught your smart brain to do.

Continue reading “There is a vast difference between smart and intelligent…”

Growth, change is an epigenetic shift… The first phase is plugging the leaks

Genetics is hardware. Epigenetics is software. Loosely speaking.

Capacities, in the DNA, can be expressed, switched on or switched off.

When you change, you do more than just surface changes: in effect you change how the DNA, capacities, etc. get switched on or switched off… you are creating epigenetic changes. And not just physical, the aspect “science” is talking about, but the whole person. Not just fat/skinny health conscious, life-unconscious aspect… but really the whole intelligent person who you are or… ahem… not.

The first phase of growth is to plug the leaks of energy, life force, glycogen, time, working memory… eliminate the mistakes, sloppiness, etc.

I am currently working on changing my sleep schedule, to get up around five… So that I can get more done before I have to talk to anyone, or have anyone around with strong emotions, hijacking my attention. Continue reading “Growth, change is an epigenetic shift… The first phase is plugging the leaks”

3 reasons you aren’t doing what you say you will do

You can learn nearly anything on the internet if you know how to learn.

And yet, if you look, people don’t learn much, don’t do much, and the momentary excitement, the big promises die almost as fast as they were born, leaving the promiser frustrated, and puzzled why they can’t keep their word, and actually do what they said they would do. Continue reading “3 reasons you aren’t doing what you say you will do”

Principles… are you fighting a train for the right of way at a railway crossing: you can only lose

I woke up at 3 am with a start from a deep dream about principles spinning so hard that I could only follow them with full concentration…

I stared into the dark for a few minutes still seeing the images of the principles, and I got the words that go with the images:

Principles are like oncoming trains… you can’t fight them unless you want to crash your life.

I talk a lot about connecting the dots… and most don’t know what I am talking about. Connecting the dots is a highly intellectual activity based on SEEING that things are connected by more than just similarity: by invisible cords…

Most of Tai Lopez’s talks, especially the 67 Steps Program, are about deserving, Earning, Being, becoming an initiate into the secrets of the Universe. Continue reading “Principles… are you fighting a train for the right of way at a railway crossing: you can only lose”

What can the Nobel Prize winning physicist’s story teach you?

What can the Nobel Prize winning physicist’s story teach you? OR What did Frank Kern learn the hard way?

First, before I get into the story itself, let’s ponder the meaning of teaching so we are on the same page, shall we?

As someone who attempts to teach, let me tell you what it’s like for me: I find a thousand different ways to say, demonstrate, frame what I want to teach. I invent thousand and one stories, I find books that hint on what I want to teach, I sing it, I make it a comedy, make it a tragedy, I make you read, I make practice activating your eye muscles and the related brain areas…

And if I do it long enough with enough enthusiasm, I may get a few people to learn what I teach… but most of the time it is a real uphill battle.

So what I mean to convey: teaching doesn’t equal learning. Continue reading “What can the Nobel Prize winning physicist’s story teach you?”

Unless you know what you learned, you didn’t learn anything

The last joke I heard before I left Hungary has stayed with me… and it’s very apropos today

Here is the joke: What are the two paths for Hungarian intelligentsia? 1

Answer: alcoholism. The other path is impenetrable…, in practice there is no second path.

This article is about humans, about you. And it tries to establish that in fact it’s possible to penetrate a second path… an evolutionary path, to become a human being, even if 99.5% of humanity isn’t interested in that path.

So let’s see how that applies to how it is today…

There are two schools of thought: the two paths… You really either choose the one or the other. There is no compromise… Continue reading “Unless you know what you learned, you didn’t learn anything”

When you are afraid… what is there to do?

I am doing a business project with my brand spanking new coach… and…

As it was predictable, this is my fourth day only, I already got to a place, where fear is coming up.

I am glad, because I am so rarely afraid. This will give me an opportunity to notice something Tree of Life for my scaredy cat clients and students.

So I am afraid. IT, the voice, is whispering sweet nothings into my ear, lol. “It’s not important.” “You are already fine.” “What if you lose all the money you’ve made?” “he doesn’t know…” Continue reading “When you are afraid… what is there to do?”

Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked? Can you be coached?

Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked?

or “Coaching and your ambition number…”

There are two main widely diverging schools of coaching that I can see.

  • One is like a cheerleader or motivator… the coach is trying to get water from a rock…
  • The other, the coaching I practice, is very different.

The principle of the second type of coaching: you can only coach someone who is in action. You can redirect them… but they have to be in movement. It is not my job or responsibility to get you into movement. Continue reading “Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked? Can you be coached?”

Do you live like a vibrational being? Find out in this article…

Warning:

This article can create a turning point for you. It probably won’t… but it is not the article’s fault. If you think you already know, if you think you are already smart… it won’t do a thing for you. So better you just leave now…

I just worked on extracting the relevant part from Sunday’s Muscle testing course recording…

The part where I am talking about the nature of the universe… its wave nature.

What is wave nature? It’s going on and off frequently. Another word for that is oscillation.

If you consider life and the universe particles… a thing… you are wrong more often than you’d like to be. Always? Continue reading “Do you live like a vibrational being? Find out in this article…”