Here is another example for the unless (or-ness)… the distinction I’ve been trying to teach you, so far quite unsuccessfully. Why? Because it is really simple, but is really hard… and I am not quite able to express myself clearly yet… I am getting there, promise.
Here is the article from 2011.
I caught myself, red handed, up to my chin in misery, wallowing… yuck.
I had been depressed for two straight days. It wasn’t someone else’s feeling, it was mine. It sucks. I mean, literally, it sucked me dry, took away my aliveness…
Yesterday I regretted that last week when I had a chance to get off the planet I didn’t go. Today I started to contemplate jumping off from some high place…
At five I was repeating in my head: right behind this darkness is the light, waiting for me to call the bluff… “What bluff? My life is over, no one wants what I have to offer, and therefore my life is wasted.” Said my mind, and it all sounded noble.
Noble and miserable. I felt personally offended. Hm. This is familiar! I used to chuckle at that phrase… Just can’t remember what was so funny about it!
Hey, there is another sentence right behind it: I can’t be happy unless… Unless I can have it all, unless, unless unless…. This will be the next activator, good catch. I can feel the misery starting to lift. It’s time to drive this baby home! I am starting to feel clearer, maybe even excited!
“But what was I up to? Why did I start all this journey in the first place?” I ask.
“Oh, to find a way to effectively alter people’s subconscious so they can get out of their misery and start making money, stop procrastinating, having fun…” I answer my own question.
Oh, that? That’s what I have been up to? I have accomplished that months ago! so what’s the problem?
Hah, I got sucked into being the Messiah, I think! I don’t even believe in a Messiah!
Let me get back to the original goal and start mining it.
World Transformation is not a good goal if it makes me miserable. Maybe the people feel that I self-selected for this Messianic role… and they don’t like it.
“Hey, that makes us two! I don’t like it either!”
“We are at the end of the summer, and I haven’t done anything summary!”
“It is not too late.” I’ll start with looking out of the window of my tree-house-like an apartment. Beautiful. The birds love to share it. The sky is blue behind the leaves. The church bells say 6 o’clock.
I am going to enjoy life as long as it lasts.
Play with the people who want to play with me.
The more the merrier.