Are you the solution or are you the problem?

I am sitting here. In a few hours I have a brainstorming call with a student of mine, who is, who has been, who is proving to be impossible to train… and I am scared and angry.

This article is the process in which I change my context for the call, so I can make a difference… or not… Inside the current context all I can do is yell… Not what I want my life to be. So, here we go…

Useless vs Priceless

Or said in another way: are you the solution or are you the problem?

As a little boy or as a little girl, you made some decisions about yourself, what it is that you were supposed to get, how to get what you want. Continue reading “Are you the solution or are you the problem?”

There is no suffering, there is never anything wrong in reality. All suffering, all wrong is brought on by words…

myth... unrealityWe live in an imaginary reality… with literally no capacity, no ability to tell fact from fiction.

For the purposes of this conversation we’ll define reality as something even a just landed Martian can see, a Martian who isn’t complicit 1 in the fiction we have been honoring as reality.

A Martian can see what is actually happening, but cannot see anything that is a cultural modification of the happening, or what happens inside your head.

So, for example, a Martian can see your mother talking, can hear voice coming out of your mother’s mouth. But he won’t see yelling, because yelling is a cultural, very emotional modification of speaking, even of speaking loudly. And a newly minted visitor on Earth, a Martian will not consider the meaning of the words, because the meaning isn’t happening… Continue reading “There is no suffering, there is never anything wrong in reality. All suffering, all wrong is brought on by words…”

Making you smarter by increasing your brain’s neural connections

All thought that does not lead to action, said Goethe, is a disease. It’s like the Dalai Lama’s 3 levels of knowledge: Hear. Comprehend. Do. And do it until it becomes second nature… but not until then.

How is your brain pruning going?

I’ve known a lot if people in my long life. I have spent time with all kinds… Decades in off-color company.

One period I spent my time with gay people, men, in one of the one-time gay playgrounds of the world, Budapest. Party crowd… it was fun. Hard to achieve anything in the world, but fun… mostly.

Some of it wasn’t fun. I was a girl… And I was not gay. So their sex parties weren’t fun for me.

One person I met there was a young male prostitute with thick foundation (makeup) had syphilis. He wore the makeup to cover the lesions on his face.

And this article is interested in that coverup…

Continue reading “Making you smarter by increasing your brain’s neural connections”

Would asking better questions help you make real money?

Your IQ and your seeing clearly. How much you see and how clearly, how accurately

In an article earlier this week I mention that highly successful people don’t get pulled out of their game as often and as readily as you do.

When we look what is the difference, we find that they have a higher IQ.

IQ is the number that approximate how much you can do with what you have.

With higher IQ they see clearer, they can tell apart different things, they can see narrowly and widely.

You have the IQ you have. You’ve had, most likely, the same IQ since you were born… so your inability to see, to see clearly, to tell different things apart has created a mind full of untruth. Continue reading “Would asking better questions help you make real money?”

How some questions you ask will determine your whole life, the moment you answer them

This morning I have been experiencing an emotional roller coaster… as I am cycling through tens of people as I accidentally connect to them. Some gurus, Murakami, his wife, a marketing guru, my next door neighbor, my brother, some students, a site visitor from Hungary, my architecture school friend.

I can feel my face, my mouth… and I can recognize the micro expressions and identify them.

And then, of course, the emotions of my own reaction to their internal state… judgment, compassion, pity, sympathy… I don’t with my life to my worst enemy.

I could write an article, a whole article, about each of them, but I’ll write about a word that screwed up countless lives… and probably still is.

As you know, a large period of my life I was an architect. Architecture school, in Hungary, is something you choose after high school, and it’s a five year study, every person takes the exact same classes.

The favorite or dreaded word of an architecture student was “talented” or “not talented”.
Continue reading “How some questions you ask will determine your whole life, the moment you answer them”

Updated: Learning lessons the hard way or the easy way: choose


  • You can make the same mistake, over and over, expecting different results.
  • You can eventually learns from your mistakes, but you insist on making them a few times…
  • You can learn from other people’s mistakes.

I am not talking here about your IQ? About ability?

I am talking about behavior. Behavior that comes from your world view, your self-view, and the number of the capacities you are wielding…

To consider doing things differently needs a modicum of humility. Modicum means: a little bit. Most people have none… Just watch a 3-year old: “Don’t tell me what to do! I know!” yells the little boy… and they freeze into that attitude.

Humility is a capacity. Without some humility there in no curiosity, there is not real learning, there is no experimentation, thought or otherwise, there is not growth.

If you are a fatalist or determinist, 1 you probably have no humility.
If you find the juice in life in being a victim: you probably want no humility.

Thought experiments are tools for growth, tools for evolution…  2
Download the pdf version of this article at the end of the article
Continue reading “Updated: Learning lessons the hard way or the easy way: choose”

Happiness is a rope dance, walking a thin line. No wonder you are not happy… or how lack of humility is the big issue

walking a thin line tight-rope dancerLittle more about humility… the cog in the wheel

One detrimental functions of “lack of humility” as a capacity, is that you can’t change your mind about your past.

My Playground program was about changing your mind by changing your view…

At the time I didn’t know about capacities, so I could not tell how come someone can and others can’t change their mind.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, in spite of all the reframing we did, only one person could change her mind, really, and even her, only changed her mind, retrospectively, when she finally got humility, the capacity, turned on.

It’s clear to me now, that you can do all the right things and still get no results if you have something missing in the foundation.
Continue reading “Happiness is a rope dance, walking a thin line. No wonder you are not happy… or how lack of humility is the big issue”

Getting really smart is scary

flowers for algernoon, a tale of getting smartOne thing the book Flowers for Algernon did not prepare me for is how scary it is to get too smart too quickly.

I have been experimenting with different capacities… what they do, what behavior, what insight they possible.

One of these capacities increased my capacity (it had been turned on, but not fully utilized by me) to see many steps ahead and act accordingly.

And for the first time since I started this work, I got scared.
Continue reading “Getting really smart is scary”

New: “Talk to me” sessions

talk-to-meNext Talk to me call is on Saturday, October 10. Register here: Different dates are in the drop-down menu!

Replays are posted in the subscribers area,

Continue reading “New: “Talk to me” sessions”

What is the difference between a human and a human being? Simply put: ownership

human-vs-undeadMy work is to take humans from the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death to the Promised Land… to Human Beingness. This post might be an important milepost in that.

I read an article in the Howard Business Review that points out a world view that is at the root of you staying a potential, you staying an effect, in every area of your life.

Although the article is a business article, business is a great analogy to life. Another great analogy is travel.

Travel is a much easier, much more accessible activity, so I will use it, while, if you want to read the original business article, I am enclosing it. 1
Continue reading “What is the difference between a human and a human being? Simply put: ownership”