Reframing: What is your higher power?

Frame: Your higher power? 1

Back in 1988 I had an emotional meltdown. I suddenly remembered things from my childhood.

I was suggested by someone in Landmark that it would be beneficial for me to join an ACOA group. Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families.

I did. I had clear signals that I belonged. #1 of the identifying features of ACOA people is "I don't know who I am". 2

Anyway, an ACOA group is not a fun place. Continue reading "Reframing: What is your higher power?"

The “seven” habits of highly unsuccessful people

tablo-detailAs you know it is the 50-year anniversary of my high school graduation.

I had a bunch of extraordinary folks as classmates: they have been meeting every year for the past ten years... and this year they decided to redo the yearbook, which is not a book in Hungary: it is a big board with everyone's picture and their names.

In addition they decided to ask for a report from each student, to document their 50 years since graduation. I sent in my report, and I made a new picture with my webcam.

I received the report about their last 50 years, from 22 of my still living 33 class mates from the best high school in Hungary. (The school was so good, they wanted me to leave, because I wasn't good enough, at age 16. My father had to bribe the school to allow me to stay.) Continue reading "The “seven” habits of highly unsuccessful people"

If I see you as beautiful… will you start to see yourself as beautiful?

happy-babyIf I see you as beautiful... will you see yourself as beautiful?
If I see you as magnificent, great, awesome... will you see yourself like I do?

Muscle test and my experience says: no.

The most beautiful women spend hours in front of the mirror staring at their imperfections... trying to hide them.

There are also beautiful women who can say: so what. They are in search of some other imperfection.

We know ourselves intimately, and rare is the person who can leave it alone... who can refrain bemoaning their faults, and stop trying to fix themselves while keeping up appearances.
Continue reading "If I see you as beautiful… will you start to see yourself as beautiful?"

Do you allow yourself to be sad? On the first spring day?

springI was feeling blue today. I opened the windows, and the noise from the outside was deafening... compared to the silence I have enjoyed all winter. I got a headache, I started to think of moving to someplace where it's quiet... no grass mowers, no road repair, no people.

I felt the sadness. Grieving. My mind was digging up stories of sadness. One of my favorite book characters is sad, and is attracted to sad women... Henry Bosch.

Especially around a character, Cassie Black who later re-appears as Lena, if I remember correctly. Sad. Loss. Aloneness.
Continue reading "Do you allow yourself to be sad? On the first spring day?"

Why is this happening to me?

needyWhy is this happening to me? add the whiny voice... and you can hear that this is not a useful question.

On the other hand, when you can answer that question (without asking it first), it has the same effect as a light switch flicked in a dark room.

So, how do you get to the answer without first asking that whiny question?
Continue reading "Why is this happening to me?"

How did you get to be the way you are? Unhappy, low vibration, self-conscious, depressed, fearful? How The Dark Side rules you?

evil aka the Dark SideThe following is an excerpt from the novel, The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. It is an apt description of how evil takes over the world.

It's long, but please read it. Read it a few times, so you can identify yourself and the ideology that got you to be miserable, empty, merely surviving. Pay special attention on how guilt plays a role in that.

Enjoy.

Elsworth Toohey is like a spiritual figurehead, a leader, a teacher, a thought leader, like the church...
Peter Keating is like you... hearing for the first time how he has sold his soul and to whom.

We find out who is the Devil, who is the Evil, who is the Dark Side and what how it gains power:
Continue reading "How did you get to be the way you are? Unhappy, low vibration, self-conscious, depressed, fearful? How The Dark Side rules you?"

what is love? how do you go about getting it? what is it buying you?

crying baby reaches out to be picked up What is love?

When we are babies: love is attention. We can't do anything for ourselves, and someone paying attention to us equals love to us. Our comfort, our survival depends on it.

We each "earned" the attention in  different ways, and then settled on one or two ways that worked the best.

We cried for the bottle in a whiny way, suggesting to our caretaker that we are dying. Pleading, begging, modulating our cry until we got a response.

crying baby We cried for the bottle with anger, anguish, or threat. We cried to get a clean diaper. We cried to be picked up.

We also manipulated our caretakers by smiles, by reaching out to them, grabbing their fingers, maybe laugh, little manipulative signs that made them feel good, liked, maybe even loved.

Just like pets learn to push your buttons: it is all self-serving, to make us get attention and food, shelter, and petting.
Continue reading "what is love? how do you go about getting it? what is it buying you?"