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I had been miserable for a few days now…
So when this happens I pay attention.
Of course my attention is splintered: some of it goes into feeling sorry for myself, some of it to ‘fix’ the misery… or its seeming cause. and some of it to see what is REALLY going on.
I always say that if you can go through hell with your eyes open and with wide cone of vision, you are going to see what lead you there and what you can do to reduce the likelihood of going through hell again any time soon.
Continue reading “I had been miserable for a few days till…”
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Integrity is an inside job. It is between you and yourself.
Everyone has two selves, one that is perfect, and the other that is flawed.
The perfect one is generous, loving, unconditionally. It is compassionate.
The flawed one KNOWS, i.e. assumes that it is judged, looked down upon, and is full of hatred, anger, fear,
anxiety, rebellion, and expects to be loved and accepted the way it is… and even though is loved, and accepted… it can only feel its own emotions.
This is so with every emotion. You can’t feel the love that is coming towards you. You can only feel the love that you feel for the other, Your love. Your anger. Your hate.
So no matter how much the perfect self loves the flawed self, the flawed self will feel judged… hated, despised, etc.
I have been observing my clients and my students, and there is one common characteristic that only varies in intensity: and that is self-hate… and stinginess towards self… as in punishing the self for not being perfect.
Continue reading “Self-love, self-hate… let’s dig deep on these, shall we?”
So I am listening to the “ itch” calls from 2014, and I am mortified at the level of transformation… It is near zero. Sometimes I put the cart in front of the horse…
The insight (the horse) on the two selves that unless they become a team, no transformation can happen, came since I did those amazing
Itch calls in 2014… so no wonder that the results are missing…
What am I talking about?
Your machine, your particular machine, was built based on an incident. Or better said: a decision you made by you (or accepted about yourself) as a child.
So far so good… but the process doesn’t stop there.
We have the real self and the false self, there’s nothing wrong with them, and everyone has both of them.
Given the two selves everyone has, being afraid to be found out is normal.
And being afraid to upset the apple cart aka
ess (evolutionary stable strategy) is even more obvious.
Freecell, one of the things I am experimenting with is moving stuff around, so the covered cards can be revealed.
It’s not a hasty, scrambling type of move… it is methodical, and scary.
Human tendency is to hold onto your gains. The ess. Every time I experience the
resistance, I bring in the “upsetting the apple cart” and then I experience the breakthrough. If it is a principle that all the power is tied up in the hidden dimension, what is hidden from your view…
Continue reading “The fear of finding out… the fear of being found out”
Almost all bad feelings you have come as a result of your delusional self, your precious “I” is scared of being devalued.
It is as if you were a gold plated coin pretending to be solid gold, and life would be continually threatening you to reveal your fakeness.
I used to be like you. I felt that there was a big gap between my accomplishments and my abilities… and maybe there was.
But most importantly, every little error,
every little mistake I made or even just faced!!! jerked me down a hellish path…
filling me with dread, and fear, and remorse, and regret, and who even knows words for those horrible feelings.
And mistakes? I made plenty.
I misunderstood, I jumped into conclusion, I tried to do something too fast before I even saw what the heck I was supposed to do… Put my foot in the mouth… lol.
40+ times a day.
Continue reading “What is the source of your bad feelings? Do you know?”