… Or how do you destroy your life, little by little…
There is nothing more significant in destroying your self-image than starting something, with all the hopes and aspirations it takes to start something and abandoning in before it is finished.
Even if you knew yourself as a great person deserving of the dream you set out to accomplish with the project, by abandoning it, by leaving it in the middle, you declare yourself as undeserving, someone less than a match to your dreams.
When you don’t finish a project, you set yourself up for more of the same, it is a self-strengthening cycle.
A partner call needs to be about a problem that came up in an incident. It is less talking than looking.
The person who talks, while the other listens, looks at the incident and attempts to take it through a set of looking points… we call that a script.
The looking points are filters through which the incident suddenly looks different… Richer, more detailed, looked through different vantage points.
The goal is to disappear the problem. A problem says that there is something wrong in the incident. Which indicates that the person’s perception is not of reality but of meaning, interpretation, or rules.
The goal is to get to reality. In reality there is nothing wrong. All wrongs are added by the observer, they are not part of reality. Reality is the way it is… and all the wrongs take your power away to live life, to be intelligent, to solve real tasks, to be with people the way they are, to learn, to be productive, to feel good about yourself.
Ultimately the wrongs take your power away to live a live worth living.
The issues people deal with in the incidents are puny. All of them come from some perceived wrong in childhood, injustice, mistreatment, misjudging, etc.
With adult help, me, people can reframe the incidents in their lives, and the wrongs become less frequent, so they, the participants, can become available to solve REAL problems, if they are interested.
Suffering from those puny problems renders a person not available for life, for a life that is satisfying and makes a difference.
And because people cannot be happy unless they feel that they matter, that they make a difference, people are not happy.
The Playground is taking people, taking participants to the gate where happiness can become attainable. Where they can begin to be interested and available to solve bigger problems, worth solving.
Solve big problems, and your experience of life will be fulfilling.
The bigger problems you solve the more money you’ll make and the more fulfillment you’ll experience in life.
Obviously what you call a problem depends on your view of life.
And how you solve a problem depends on you too…
And thus YOU create your level of happiness… your life’s experience.
You live in a world of your own design. And you live a life of your own design… Mostly unconscious…
I know you would not design a life that feels as bad as the life you are living, but in an unconscious way you have designed it…
At least one reader got the point, and is now attempting to increase her capacity to stay present, to not run away, to not hide, when ugly shows up. And by ugly, I mean all kinds of uglies, selfish, evil, cruel, rude, angry, vicious, terrifying… you know which ones you run most from, don’t you?
I also published an article a week or two ago about being astute. Astute is the ability and practice to tell one thing from another, with precision. To define something accurately. To see things for what they are.
Now, not surprisingly, the two issues are really one issue.
When you turn away, when you run away, when you avoid…
Twice in my life I had a choice to choose being attracted to women… I mean mainly.
The first time the choice was made for me: when the woman found out that I had no history of being attracted to women, she said: “I won’t do that to you.” I was about 22.
The second time I found myself turned on by a woman dancing, and I clearly saw a choice. I saw that I could choose to pursue that, but with that I would choose a life of hiding, a life of not fitting in, a hard life. I chose not to go for it.
As a sex therapist, coach, I talk to a lot of people.