What is your Rosebud? What would YOU miss if you had to go?

I had this weird question this morning: what would I miss if I were ‘torn’ away from ‘home’?

I would miss playing Freecell. Maybe I would miss my first cup of tea in the morning. I would miss writing an article. I would miss talking to you.

Citizen Kane missed being young. Sliding down the hill on his sled… the rush of the slide, the freedom of winter, the yelling…

When I look back, leaving a country is a lot like that. Continue reading “What is your Rosebud? What would YOU miss if you had to go?”

The invisible dynamic: Wanting to win

If you play to win, you’ll always play a small game.

Play to win in anything.

  • Win friends, and influence people.
  • Win an argument
  • Win a competition
  • Win at cards
  • Win at computer games
  • Win a reward, a salary, a compliment, a free examination from a vet
  • to look smart, respectable, well-thought-of, generous, holy, spiritual, humble… whatever will make you look, so you can live another day.

Continue reading “The invisible dynamic: Wanting to win”

Negotiation, enrollment, differences of opinion, arguments

Dear Sophie:

I just watched this interview with the author of “Never Split the Difference.” It’s a book about negotiation techniques. The author is a former FBI hostage negotiator. I found it quite intriguing. My head was spinning just trying to keep up with the conversation. Afterwards, I was left with very mixed feelings. It seemed to me that my desire to learn more about these techniques was rooted in greed and a sense of wanting to learn in order to win or manipulate. Whatever the feeling, I am not comfortable with it; it was not a pure feeling. I have a different idea about communication, one having to do with connection, more along the lines of Steven Covey, ” Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood,” and Dale Carnegie, and the Communication Course. Maybe I misread the author (without having read the book). Maybe my aversion to learning negotiating techniques is related to my resistance to A is A. I am curious to know the truth value of the material and the intention behind it.
Continue reading “Negotiation, enrollment, differences of opinion, arguments”

The “and” game… What your resistance says about you

bad attitude, the attitude of resistingI got lucky today. I got to see something I haven’t seen in a long time.

It’s been many years that I “shared” with anyone.

Sharing is a Landmark Education distinction: you talk about some gain in your life, in a particular way, and if you did it well, the other person gets a tiny bit more than just a whiff of what you are “sharing”; they get a taste of it. A taste of your gain…As if you’ve given them a bite of your triple chocolate fudge cake… lol.

We were both early for the exercise class, and she was really relieved that she wasn’t going to be the only student…

As I was changing to shorts, and gym shoes, I asked if it would be OK with her if I bragged… And she said yes.
Continue reading “The “and” game… What your resistance says about you”

How to get out of the trap seeing yourself as a victim?

quarterdoubleheadI once had a boy friend who refused to have sex with me when I wanted it, saying that I was using him. When he wanted… that was OK.

This article is a little sloppy, stream of consciousness… let me know if it is too sloppy… please.

I just had an interesting conversation with one of my students.

I have been suspicious as to why she was less than enthusiastic in her course work for the 67 steps coaching.

So I asked, this morning:

…answer one question: why are you in this program? What would you like to get out of it?

In terms of the good life…

I don’t mean to say that you are wrong, I mean to say that without being somewhat clear on what you want, you will only…

Fair question, right? You need to know why you are doing something if you want to do it well.

This was her answer:
Continue reading “How to get out of the trap seeing yourself as a victim?”

Warning: this is a rant… don’t read it if you want to keep on dreaming

not a path to becoming a millionaireWarning: this is a rant… don’t read it if you want to remain hopeful

I had a few insights today, one of them suddenly answers a question I didn’t ask before.

The question I didn’t ask was: how come the people with nothing of real value to say occupy the top 1% of the internet?

This is what happened? I saw an email that offered a list of 241 top influencers on the internet. I looked at the list, and there was not one person who had anything to say that could make the world a better place for humanity.

Instead, the top 241 influencers are marketers.

Marketing is like being a politician. You peddle yourself and you peddle it through taking power over people.

To be a politician, you only have to be good at playing the politician game.
Continue reading “Warning: this is a rant… don’t read it if you want to keep on dreaming”

The path to freedom and happiness in a world where neither freedom nor happiness are supported

pleasure-principleI have gotten to a point in reading Freud’s book where I am now clear where what he says and what I know to be effective in facilitating happiness in humans.

Here is what is going on… psychologically, socially, and maybe even genetically, though that is too deep for my current understanding.

Humans are animals, with the same drives any animal has: the drive to procreate and the drive to aggression to everyone who seems to stand in their way.

Sounds simplistic, but it’s that simple.
Continue reading “The path to freedom and happiness in a world where neither freedom nor happiness are supported”

I was looking at trust, the intangible capacity to trust… and its role in becoming a winner

This article shows the connection between success, winning in life and the capacity to trust and generosity, the ability to be with win-win. The Selfish Gene prevents learning, prevents success, because the selfish gene is only interested in reproduction success. But luckily (?) both those genes, the gene for trust and the gene for generosity can be turned on. But… from that point on you need to keep them alive…

no trust - no winningIn the past four months that I have been able to turn on individual capacities for people, I have received no request to turn on trust.

Why is that?

After all people, rightly, asked me for self-trust. But self-trust won’t be enough.

So what can be the current worldview with regards to trust, that trust doesn’t come up as number one to turn on.

Because, whether you know it or not, without trust there is no winning. Without trust there is no flow. Without trust there is no fulfillment.

When I measured some winners in life, for whom it took years to hone their skills with which they won, money, recognition, admiration… trust was there, fully open.

As you probably already know, I use playing Freecell as my laboratory. It is much the way Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene author used the computer simulation “Prisoner’s Dilemma”… very enlightening for me.

So, what I saw today, and it’s only 6:45 am, lol, that without trust you can only play for keeps, or without trust you can’t open your eyes wide, and take steps that will only pay off 20-30 steps down the line. Continue reading “I was looking at trust, the intangible capacity to trust… and its role in becoming a winner”