Most programs deal with only one side of the story: they either help you unstuck (but you'll get stuck again, because there is no path for you), or they help you move (but unless you first unstuck, you may move to unhappiness, unfulfillment, disappointment, instead of a nice place). But what I have never seen is someone who does both, and definitely no one seems to use the energy of what fuels you, your hidden fuel source, a craving, a yearning, to get you unstuck and help you moving.
If this was a mouthful, don't despair, I'll explain.
If you are stuck, and 99% of humans are stuck, at least partially, the process to go from stuck to unstuck to moving to a nice place with fulfillment is this:
- Realize and admit that you are stuck. This step is similar to Alcoholic Anonymous' first step: We admit that we have no power over alcohol. In our case we have no power over what got us stuck. None. And hiding it, lying about it, covering it up, avoiding it, being resigned about it got us the life we have.
- Identify the nature of your stuckedness. Often just identifying it unstucks you. This can often be expressed in an "unanswerable question." It is unanswerable because no matter how many times someone answers it, it does not scratch the itch... Mine is "Do you love me?" But someone telling me they love me does nothing for me... the question still remains: "Do you love me?" Some examples: do you appreciate me? do I matter? am I worthy? am I smart? do I belong? am I OK?
- Curtail the stuckedness, put it aside for a few minutes, so you can create a list of some desired results you would like to have
- Analyze those desired results for the hidden and unfulfilled, unfulfillable yearning you hide, that are both needed for and result in the outcome. I'll explain it later...
- Create a unique, personal path for you to have what you yearn so that you can move, unhindered by the yearning, in fact supported by the yearning.
I have never met any program, any teacher, any coach who even knew about that yearning, let alone validate it.
But that desire, that yearning is valid. It is not politically correct, and you hide it. But because it is never talked about, but because it is hidden even from your view, you believe that you can't get it. That somehow you were excluded from getting it when they assigned what people can experience in their life... ahead of time, even, maybe before your birth. You are almost sure it is lost, it's a lost cause, no matter what you do, it's an itch that can never get scratched, it's a hunger that never gets fulfilled. 1
So you have this slow burning inside, hiding the unconfrontable truth, that you can't have what you want.
Before you completely give up, you try lots of ways to fill that void, but they don't work, or only temporarily, so you finally give up trying.
You resign to the fact that you want something that you can't have
If and when someone asks you to set a goal, or to get into growing mode, you may go through the motion to fake them out, to pretend that you are setting a goal for yourself, but the truth is: you'll never really do anything that matters, because for you it's a lost cause: it can't and won't give you what you want, so why bother?
If you have been stuck for a long time, if you do things only for show, but don't really believe that you can achieve it and have what you really want, you are not alone.
- Until someone helps you to bring the missing item, the yearning to the conscious level, so that you can see it, own it, validate it yourself, and make it your job to provide it to yourself, nothing will change.
- Until someone teaches you how to scratch your own itch, how to stop waiting for others to provide that feeling, you won't be willing to set goals, and start taking risks, start moving forward.
Until then you'll live in this split world: your inner world unfulfilled and hungering, your outer world pretending to be OK on one level or another. Guaranteed.
The Solution you've been waiting for
The solution begins with the Goals and Values exercise... and we'll do it this coming Monday, September 29. You can register, or if the times don't work for you, let me know what would, and I'll find a way to accommodate you.
It's time for you to come out and play... get unstuck and get moving... wouldn't you agree?
A few years ago I participated in a course I paid $550 for. I got one thing out of it, one thing, and it was well worth it for me: I got the unanswerable question that was jerking me around, like a puppet on a string. "Do you love me?"
I found out and saw it clearly everywhere, that I never did anything for the joy of doing it, I did everything that maybe I will get loved... by doing that.
I spent countless hours with people I didn't enjoy being with, coaching people who didn't appreciate it, volunteering, helping, being smart... with the sole purpose that I will be loved.
I wasn't... and the itch was burning and eating away at my Life Force... until I got what I was doing and until I put the solution in place...
Today I don't do anything I don't enjoy, and I have NO HIDDEN AGENDA in anything I do. I don't need you to love me, I don't need anyone to love me... I have handled the itch, scratched it for good.