Having a child is like causing your own immortality. Your genes live on in your child, and your ego really wants that child to be the best… better than you.
You want to live through your child, and you want it to be glorious, even if your actual life is… hm… shitty?
The child, by the way, considers this an unfair binding… and resents it, wiggles out of it… the child wants to be free, make her own mistakes… have a life that is hers alone.
That is the norm.
I was already Nicht Normale… not normal, when I was 16 (and probably way before that, lol)
Earlier that school year I was expelled from a high school, and my father put me in the best high school in Hungary… I think he had to use his connections.
After having been at the top of my class in the previous school, in the new school I was third from the bottom.
At the end of the school year they asked my father to take me to another school where I would be doing so poorly. My father asked them what it would take to keep me… and he used his influence, in the government, to get them a closed circuit television system… my school was a teaching school, teaching future teachers…
I don’t remember how I found out. But the next school year I completely changed: I wasn’t going to allow my father’s sacrifice to be for nothing.
By the middle of the year I was third from the top, and by the end of the year I was second. I never became the top student: a certified genius occupied that spot.
Now, the thought: I am not going to allow my father’s sacrifice to be for naught… is a very high vibration, very rare attitude, I haven’t met it in anyone…
The normal attitude is to continue doing the bad stuff and have excuses, reasons, why.
Now, I am getting to the point:
A student’s child , she writes, is giving her trouble.
For about a month my daughter’s behavior has become uncontrollable. Every day she has moments when she is very angry, hateful and ugly to her brother and me, except her dad. He spanks her so she is afraid of him.
She knows that she is like that and she always asks me “Mom why am I so angry, so hateful, I yell at everyone? I don’t like myself like that.”
Once rage is over she so sweet and kind.
I want to make everyone happy, if I can. I want you to feel good about yourself and your child… if that is possible.
And yet, my number one commitment is to the truth… you have the right to know the truth, even if it is unpleasant.
My answer is probably the cruelest answer I have ever had to send to anyone:
her soul correction is “eradicate plague”… or stop causing mayhem and havoc.
You need to teach her to express her anger in objective terms, instead of outbursts or violence.
she is neither an empath, nor a sensitive. Her consciousness is very low, 100, plagued with envy, jealousy, desire to receive for the self alone, a nasty little piece of work.
She is probably personally offended (like your husband) that you have a life outside of paying attention to her, that there are things that are important to you.
she has no attachments. She is just low consciousness low vibration person, much like your husband.
The real bad news in that situation is that each soul, each person has to do their own soul work, you can’t do it for them.
What do you think a mother can do with that child? What would you do?
If I get enough comments, I’ll put in the comments section what the mother decided to do…
PS: update: You want to notice that you either
- don’t care
- are too lazy
- don’t have an independent thought
- are cowardly
- wait until you are forced to do something
Far far from who you claim you are…
Worse than even that: what happened is so important that you may even want to fake an intelligent answer so you can hear it!
It’s not heading that way!
interesting. thank you.
Although I am in the middle of something with regards to the mites, I’ll write the article I promised later today.
Ooops, I entered a response last night, but apparently it did not take. Ok, MAYBE, the mother can sit her daughter down and propose the following: Mother says “Hey, when you asked me ‘why am I so angry…?’, I figured let’s go on a mission or adventure where together we look for a trigger(s) for this behavior.” They both get a small notebook or something to record what’s happening before, during, and at the end of an anger episode. Afterwards, they come together to report any findings. Also, they agree to place no blame or the like. Just the facts. Hello! Everybody
thank you Jennifer. One more person needs to answer…
I have a 4 y.o. daughter that has angry outbursts whenever she didn’t get her way. I get frustrated and gave up trying to reason with her and let her cry and act out. At times, I caught myself making her “wrong” and trying to “fix” her and realized that most of my frustration came from how I reacted and wanted her to be a certain way, how she “should” be. When I do catch myself, I give her a big hug, and let her know I feel angry too and how I would release that emotions and be all right.
thank you Randy
When my daughter was growing up she would have the odd tantrum and I had to fix a few door frames as a result. Not engaging in her drama and getting her involved in gymnastics and later martial arts , where she had to work hard and had goals, helped. Although this may not deal with the core issues it gives them a vent for some of the anger.
thank you for letting your voice heard, Anon. I appreciate it.
I relate to this strongly and would be very interested hearing what the mother decided to do. I have a 7 year old too, who has had an hour long rage and anger fits regularly since he was a year and half old. His soul correction is Removing Hatred. It has been one of my biggest frustrations as to not know what to do. And I haven’t dealt with it well to be honest, often loosing my own temper eventually, straight after which he would suddenly be the sweetest little boy as if he finally got what he wanted. I think only once I managed to stay observing him throughout the whole ordeal and although I think he was more self conscious of his anger that time, it still lasted for a long time. So I have been quite clueless with this.. The only solution I can come up with is to learn to stay in the observer position solidly and explaining my own anger and frustration to him, thus showing him by example that it is possible to allow and let go of those emotions without hurting anyone.. And whether he picks it up or not is up to him..??
thank you
did I mention the child is 7 years old?
The outbursts, I have experienced with my child, have been few when younger but challenging, especially if you have a third party commenting on your actions in the process, trying to deal with this with out reaction and to watch the episode happen, from the side I was able to be present to the episode after the tantrum to talk or comfort.
Every time she asks why is she acting out, I would ask her how she feels. If she says fine then I would challenge her to make herself feel that way every time she feels like she wants to act out. I would explain to her that she has a choice in how she acts and people have a choice in how they react to her. If she wants a positive reaction she can act civil. Is she wants a negative reaction she’ll probably get spanked or ignored or with her peers beaten up. It’s her choice. Now, if she says she feels hopeless, I would seek help. I would try to get someone who can help her focus on her feelings and get control of her thinking. Oh, and I would look at her diet.
I could have guessed, lol
got it Matsa
got it Tammy
Stay present with the child without fueling
The ego.
Ignore it?
Listen.
Ask questions.
Join in.
Model.
Show her how to take it from self centered lashing out, to a more generalized feeling of anger. Lead the outburst into something ultimately amusing.
Heck if I know?….
It’s been awhile since my son has been this way, but there was a time I went through this type of thing with him. And I’ve tried everything I meantioned. He still has his moments when he is exhausted.
Recently he is being honest enough with his feelings to let me know he is flat out manipulating me. His entire perspective will change to all negative, over something wanted not happening.
Pull out every trick he’s ever accumulated to make me feel badly, eventually calm down, and say something like, ” sorry mom, I just really thought I was getting to do____.” ” what can we do now?”
For myself , I never buy in!
At least not anymore.
No, unfortunately she and I didn’t know anything about the vertical or the observer position. What she would do was criticize me and make me wrong, which I didn’t like at all, and I learned that if I didn’t want to be criticized I had to put up a fake front that looked like what she wanted me to be. I didn’t feel safe to be myself around her.
My experience with both my children is that if I reacted trying to hush her/him, or persuading them to stop it was worse. On the other hand, if and when I accepted them to express whatever they needed in the moment, especially anger, just by being there without reaction, letting it be, it would be like a short storm after which the sunshine came back again. Outbursts particularly were often in the (pre-)teenage period.
thank you Kathryn. Is this what your mother did?
Maybe during the child’s outbursts, the mother could move to the Observer position so she doesn’t take the outbursts personally and doesn’t feel she has to solve anything. That would also help her just be there as the witness for the child, which could help the child.