Can you handle it? Can your spouse handle it?

you-can-handle-itWhether a person is successful or not can be boiled down to this question... successful people say they can handle it, unsuccessful people say they can't. And this is where your word (I can/I can't) will give you everything.

I have read about a man whose doctor told him that he had terminal cancer, and he should go home and take care of his things. The man went home, took care of his things. A week later he died.

Turns out he was healthy. He didn't have terminal cancer, he didn't have any cancer, any disease. He died because he said: I can't handle it...

Is the world Black and white for you?

What you say: I can handle it, or I can't handle it, is still on the surface, and cannot directly be changed without looking at and changing the underlying structure... the invisible.

What you will say to answer the question in the title boils down to a hidden aspect that you haven't questioned, that you haven't ever dealt with because it was never a question: do you see the world in black and white? In a binary way?

thingsilike1Success or failure, win or lose, right or wrong, good or evil, courageous or cowardly.

It is an upbringing issue how you see the world. Some people can see 256 shades of gray between black and white, some people can none.

A case study of adding shades of gray

When I was a team leader of phoners for Landmark Education, I saw that this black and white stopped people from picking up the phone. In their mind they pictured the scenario of getting a no (we called people to "sell" them a seminar) and that was the black. Getting a yes was the white...

Some people, the eternally optimistic only saw white, and they got many yes's, but most people were the other way around. Those were willing to clean the toilets just to avoid getting on the phone.

I needed to go through the following training several times on any given night:

me: Can you pick up the phone?
phoner: I guess so... hm. yes.
me: can you dial a phone number?
phoner: I think I can... I have done it before...
me: when someone pick it up, can you say who you are looking for and where you are calling from?
phoner: I probably can.
me: when they say yes, so-and-so is speaking... can you ask them if they have a few minutes to talk?
phoner: yes.
me: wonderful. then can you ask them...

and so the training went.

at some point I would rehearse the scenario when the person on the other end of the line doesn't want to talk... the worst case scenario.

I managed to get people to make calls, and some of them even learned that each call was losts of steps, and each can be done well or not so well... thus the 256 shades of gray.

How did you get to be the way you are?

perfection is boringOur parents taught us that unless every step is successful, you are a failure, a never do well. A disappointment. Someone to be ashamed of.

It was all about them... never about you. They didn't allow you to be a child learning the ropes of life, they wanted you to be an advertising for them, advertising how good, smart, etc. they are. And they destroyed your natural sense of adventurousness in the process.

Any success requires you to learn new things, to do things you don't know how to do well.

The future that beckons

If you are like most people, you will imagine yourself doing it well, but you won't imagine yourself fumbling, bumbling through trials and errors through the learning process.

success_failureThe future that beckons into has no path... because the path is full of mis-steps, mistakes, learning experiences, shades of gray, skill building, character building, all fraught with the "danger" of setbacks, the danger of failures along the way.

You suspect that you will be bad at many steps along the way, so you won't even start, because you can't handle making mistakes, can't handle being less than perfect at anything. 1

You will keep doing the things that you do well (or you think you do well) and you won't ever go outside of your comfort zone.

Most people who read this post belong to the majority group of people who will never grow, never do well, never amount to anything, and their soul will wither and die.

The Soul wants you to live creatively, take risks, learn new things

The Soul doesn't care for anything that you do well... it is boring. The Soul hates you for doing it. After years of coloring inside the lines, taking no risks, stagnating, the Soul gives up on you... unless...

There are students that have overcome the inertia of black and white

20100425I have a few students who turned their situation around, and managed to develop a healthy ability to be with setbacks, confusion, no results, the ability to deal with it successfully.

Their vibration is rising, and their sense of self, their sense of well-being is through the roof.

.

.

The role of your partner or spouse

Undoing the damage that was done to you as a child is easier if you don't have a spouse or a partner who depends on your "success", on your staying the same, for their own comfort.

If you have a life partner like that, it is harder to change. Love in our culture means controlling the other. Owning the other. Make them to conform to your ideal.

Just like with your parents, everything you do looks to the "other" as it's about them.

You make a mistake: it is about them. You are successful: it's about them.

You have no right to live your life, to be an individual... unless you

  1. stop being a controlling person to your other
  2. start transforming the relationship so you can have freedom
  3. start training yourself and the other that you can accomplish and become good at small things
  4. question your idea what the other person will allow and they will not... your imagination is not the truth.

In my experience it takes about a year to slowly and effectively become a person who can. It will be the best year of your life... Because it is not about success at all. It is about becoming... that is what the Soul wants you, becoming.

That the the Soul's purpose, that is the Soul's correction: to become someone who can.

handling-itFinding what is in your way and tackle it... Little by little... the way the ocean liner is turned around in a tight bay.

Rash big decisions, big movements will just land you on the rocks.

The Ego's role in your personal evolution

The Ego will want you to do that... so you can be justified that you can't... and won't change, won't do anything new... that you are justified to stay the same, wither away, living without joy, without spirit, surviving life.

Footnotes

  1. I had a first the other day on the Happiness coaching call: a brand new student came and her audio was set up wrong, and although she could hear, I could not hear her. She got off the call, and fixed her audio. Then commented on the membership site, acknowledging herself for taking the first obstacle well: learning how to connect to the call.

    I have other students that have been coming to the calls and they either can't be heard or I hear an echo. And even after working on it, they discover what works, they still come back and do it wrong: they never learn.

    data-is-not-information-information-is-not-knowledge-knowledge-is-4Being someone who learns is mandatory. The Bach Energy Chestnut Bud counters this inability or unwillingness to learn... unless you can learn, you'll be stuck in spite of your many pretenses to the opposite.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

7 thoughts on “Can you handle it? Can your spouse handle it?”

  1. “You suspect that you will be bad at many steps along the way, so you won’t even start, because you can’t handle making mistakes, can’t handle being less than perfect at anything.” Yes! This is spot-on Sophie. This held me back my whole life, until, 2 years ago, a little ‘yes’ crept under the radar (how the hell, I don’t know), and I built a website, put my my work out there and started to build something.

    With such small ambitions, having the sucess I had felt like progress. But here’s where I failed: no vision, no goal, very little permission to really succeed. Whatever happened was fine with me, I was just happy to be moving. I see now that this is not the way to build something with purpose (with awareness), but instead is another version of, ‘I’ll take the crumbs…’ asleep behaviour.

    I am fortunate in this way: I have my own opinion of my paintings, independent of whether people like them or buy them. The flip side is, that is no way to make a living. So, I am left with a whole lot of questions, and finally, with the backing of the work I am doing with you, the opportunity to find the answers, one by one, as long as it takes .

  2. “Success, is becoming.” I have been turning away from these three words all my life. Distracting myself when younger with social events, attachments to other people their dramas and concerns, holding to illusions of myself small, selfish and hiding (soul correction)

    Somewhere I have a program running not to try anything new, you will only fail. Never occurred to me, until recently while learning something new and I failed the first part written exam how unconcerned I was, I can handle it!

    the remedies are doing their magic!

    Sophie, Thank you very much

  3. Hi Sophie,
    I had reconnection done 2 ears ago …Few weeks ago I made I mistake ok using free downloads from healer Tamra Oviatt that was supposed to connect me to sacred geometry and now it is spinning on my left and on my right and I can not stop it. Unfortunately, it is spinning me out of any beliefs I am trying to install and my muscle test show one result on one hand and another result on another hand which never happened before., I can not keep myself being centered any more.
    Wonder if you know how to overcome this?
    Thank you,
    Talita

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