The fullness of love, fulfillment, and the emptiness you try to fill

In this article I share what it takes to become a fulfilled human being… Not depending on the world for love, success, praise… being liked, being well thought of… Get out of the yearning for love, yearning for success, yearning to be liked, acknowledged, feeling useful… all that slavery.

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In this article I share what it takes to become a fulfilled human being… Not depending on the world for love, success, praise… being liked, being well thought of…

It is 9/11 today. 14 years ago this day I still thought that someone else can fill the gaping hole within me. That someone loving me can fill me with love.

That success will fill me with fulfillment.

It doesn’t, and it can’t.

Luckily I woke up from that induced societal slumber.

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Emo___Yearning_For_Love_by_FotomontaAs an empath I had the tools to observe processes and results, and determine: you can’t feel any love when someone loves you. The person who feels is them. And it fills them with love.

You, on the other hand, feel love when YOU love.

Now, let me clarify this for you: the love, that is like a gnawing hunger, is not love. Love is a continuous stream of warmth that radiates from you outward and inward from your center, which is around the navel. Not in the heart by any means. But love, real love, is big, and it warms you all over.

Real Love fills you, and it makes your whole existence brighten up.

But… that darned but, right? But we have the mistaken idea that love comes from the outside, comes in, and fills us up.

I watch couples, and what keeps them together is the two vacuums cling together. If there was any love, it is gone. And the space it once occupied is a vacuum now, trying to suck love from the other.

Love can only be given freely: it can’t be given by command.

For love to be there, one first needs to fill themselves to the brim… and then love overflows.

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If you don’t experience love, it is because you are not full.

And because we are now, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, have put all our bets on the world, on another, on a job, venture, to fill us up, we are waiting to be filled up, to be approved of, to be liked, to be loved… and don’t do anything to fill ourselves up.

The famous characters we admire because they seemingly gave love, like Mother Teresa, were empty, pretending to have something to give. They were pretenders, liars, frauds. 1

Unless one, themselves, is fulfilled in themselves, there is no love to give, only the pretense of love. Love as a currency to buy something… Own another, security, sex, dinner.

So, how do you fill yourself? Because being unfulfilled, feeling that you have nothing to give, the dependency on another, much like slavery, is no fun, not a life befitting a human being…

Eating because you want to fill that gaping hole inside you is no fun. You may explain that you LOVE eating, but that is not the truth: the truth, probably is, that you use food as a drug: while eating and for a little while after you use the energy of the food to feel better, but it doesn’t last: it is coming from the outside, you did not fill yourself up.

Sex, getting that release, reminds me of serial killers: most kill to fill that gaping hole inside… and because it can’t be filled, they want more and more and more… so they do it more and more frequently… to no fulfillment. It is always about the next fix, or the memory of the last one… never being in the present moment, because in the present moment there is nothing… they are running on empty.

Work, coffee, alcohol, cigarette, gambling, drugs… same mechanism, same results.

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So, really Sophie, what can you do to fill yourself? It began with cutting out the alternative

Here is how I did it:

The moment I realized that none of the good feelings coming from the outside lasted, the moment I realized that I was like a junky, going from fix to fix to fix, I snapped out of it.

Interestingly it began with cutting ties with Landmark Education. Until that point I got frequent fixes through doing volunteer work for Landmark, coaching and training people, leading introductions.

They did fill me for a few moments, but I had to do more and more of it.

And when I looked, the people I coached, at my own buck, in my own time, never returned any energy, any care, any gratitude. Somehow they knew that they were used, just like some use another in sex: you tend to know if there was a moment of togetherness, or just being used like a dildo.

And only when I managed to tell the truth (painful) and managed to take responsibility, see that they weren’t guilty of ungratefulness, I was guilty of using them to fill myself, that I could start dealing with the emptiness, the aloneness, the lovelessness, the futility of my life. 2
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Then I became available

And then I became available. I could, suddenly, connect to All-of-it, the Creator, Source, or whatever you want to call it.

I emptied my cup, I stopped trying to fill it with addictive stuff, food, and such, and every time I connected I was filled up. And the more I connected, the more I had to overflow.

My creativity returned, my capacity to love returned, my capacity to care returned.

But first I had to give up waiting for the world to fill me up, for friends to love me, for clients’ gratitude to fill me.

tumblr_m6l0ko5aN71rpis3bo1_1280Most people I talk to want to connect to be filled up, but their cup is full.
Most people I talk to are waiting for the other to love them… maybe do things that make them lovable… they do everything but love the other.

Loving is fulfilling.
Real creativity is fulfilling.

Not a quick fix. It’s like basking in your own glory… whether anyone knows or not.

But in a world where the only thing you pay attention is what is wrong with you, it is going to take some work, maybe a lot, to empty yourself, and be a self-reliant person in matters of love, success, celebration, and life.

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Footnotes

  1. We could say that one of the measures of vibration, of where someone is on the scale of consciousness, is how fulfilled they are. How much they are overflowing. Mother Teresa was an “in order to” person, growing the Catholic Church was her mission, and the orphanages was her means. If you read her letters, fulfillment was far from being her reality.
  2. This is the work we do in the Playground. The biggest difference between what I had to go through, and what you can have, when you go through it in the Playground: in the Playground the process is guided, you can’t escape it, therefore it is faster, and it is less painful. Very few people can do it by themselves, and even less can do it with a coach, one on one… almost impossible to get the same result. I say almost, because maybe some people can do it, except I have never heard of anyone successfully doing it.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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