A guru I used to know, had a conversation with members of his staff, when they wanted to marry someone.
In fact, he saw the couple.
The conversation's purpose was to find out if the relationship can last or not.
The questions the guru asked of each half of the couple:
- what is wrong with the other person
- can you be (can you love them, tolerate them, live with them forever) with what's wrong with them?
Most relationships are based on one or both of the parties wanting to, needing to change the other, to be well, to love them, to stay with them. This is why I am not in a relationship, not even in my dreams.
I am an architect. If I ever wanted to own a property, I would want to, so I can tinker with it. I would look for something that has potential to get better after I am done with it.
Property with potential
But people are not properties... and yet we treat them the same way I think of a property with potential.
Why do we put up with it? Why do we allow the other to try to change us, and not run the other way?
Because, I think, fundamentally we were all made to believe that there is something wrong with us...
It is a horrible starting point for a marriage, but it is also a horrible starting point for anything.
What if there is nothing wrong with you? Nothing.
You are the way you are, you look the way you do, you talk the way you talk, and you feel the way you feel. Nothing wrong. Just what is so?
Do you think that just simply stating that fact and accepting it, to you bones, deep on the cellular level, that there is nothing with you or where you are at... do you think you could move anywhere from where you are? That you would be free to choose directions to evolve in, instead of being stuck?
When someone tells you that you need to change because how you are is not ok... they make you stuck.
No one has the right to change anyone. No one has the right to make anyone wrong for how they are, who they are, how they look, and such.
When you say: there is nothing wrong with me... suddenly you can feel as both feet touch the ground. You can feel that you are OK. Maybe not all you could be, but OK.
When you say: there is something wrong with me... the only choices you have is to react to what's wrong... you cannot grow through reaction.
The only way to grow
The only way to grow is to come from "there is no need to grow, I am already OK" and then grow from there. Go from OK to OK to OK... all the way to the sky.
Nothing to fix, nothing to hide, nothing to pretend. OK.
It is between you and you. It has nothing to do with others.
But until you get sure footing by declaring that there is nothing wrong with you, everyone's opinion will take you out of your equilibrium, and you are someone easy to dominate, easy to control, easy to enslave.
And isn't that a perfect waste of a perfectly good human to become a slave? Or stay a slave? You tell me!