When people change around you… who you are blaming? Where do you look for cause and effect? Do you know what causes what? I bet you don’t…
This is a case study of one of my coaching students…
I have been coaching people for about 30 years, and have been running my own programs for almost as many years.
Some people take their own transformation on, and they change. Some, I say, because most people don’t.
I have noticed that certain countries, certain cultures are more conducive for people take their own fate into their own hands… most aren’t. 1
And sometimes, these same people, cause massive transformation for their family, but are unaware of it, and therefore cannot make it permanent, cannot make it last, cannot even acknowledge it.
This student is probably my most diligent follower: she reads every article several times, reads them to her children, ages six and 10, if I remember correctly, and has, recently, selectively, read them with her husband as well.
She doesn’t only read them, trying to understand what I am saying, but with each and every article, she tries to incorporate them into her life.
She has come a long way in the 16 months since she bought the first item from me… I don’t know when she started reading my blog, never asked.
The first steps took a whole year: owning that she was judgmental and superior. It is not a pleasant thing to be told that you have an attitude that is wholly Dark Side… I am sure you can identify with that. But she did well, and started to be less and less frequently judgmental.
Owning that it is all Tree of Knowledge is still hard for her… not much movement in that area.
The most recent accomplishment has been owning that she creates and justifies her attitudes, and she can create different attitudes just as easily, and it will make life easier.
But, I am telling this long history for what happened next: her fundamentalist Christian husband came to a realization that he could start growing like his wife, that he could take an active role in the shaping of his own life, go for what he wants, instead of waiting for God to provide.
Now, I hope, you can see that a result like this is like a tiny flame that can become a wildfire if it is nurtured properly.
We are not famous for knowing how to nurture another’s breakthrough, because mostly we don’t even recognize it. This is exactly what happened to my student: she saw that her husband was starting to think the right thoughts, the thought she had always wanted him to think…
…instead of celebrating the incredible, unbelievable, rare as huge diamonds turnaround that was unpredictable, and stands probably with a handful of similar examples in the world!
You need to learn to move, at will, between your shoes and another’s shoes, if you ever want to influence another.
But, maybe, more important: if you manage to “time-travel” on your own life history line back to your past, where you made binding decision on what’s right and what’s wrong, and through skillful and ruthlessly compassionate coaching (me) change your view of what happened, you need to know that when you come back to your present, people will be different.
From no effort of their own, they will have a complete or significant turnaround in their thinking, that you caused, in a way, by doing the work you did, in changing your past.
If you want to change your present, the people’s attitude in your life, you need to stop working on them, and start working on yourself… and become a time traveler of sorts.
We do that work in the Playground, but obviously I do that on every coaching call of mine… because this student of mine has never attended a Playground session… and yet.
She went from judgmental to allowing, from know-it-all to questioning, from condescending to partner. From waiting for something to change to changing herself and taking her own life into her own hands.
All for $30 a month and, of course, her own efforts.
Why she and not you? I have a guess that her original culture has high ideals, higher than the nihilist, waiting for Godot to give you stuff culture she married into.
As I see it, unless you start fanning the flame of ideals, and values, unless you become someone whose values bring tears into your eyes, whether you are a man or a woman, moving forward, becoming an Expanding Human Being will be out of the question for you.
A good first step is to create your answers for the 3 most important questions, and then come to the webinar next Monday. I have it scheduled at 4 pm and at 9 pm. If neither of these times work for you, but you really want to come, let me know what time will work for you, and I’ll do my best to schedule another session that will work for you. Or, alternatively, become a coaching student of mine, coaching calls are on Wednesdays, 4 pm and 7:30 pm EST and I will make sure to work with you to take you to that sacred place from where you can grow.
I will be able to assist you to get to the fundamental yearning that you want to honor, use, and fulfill. It will unlock your ability to have ideals, and have the courage to go and take charge of your life.
- By the way, I have found that these cultural differences don’t depend on the education level, the religion, or even the soul correction of the people: I think that culture is more embedded in folk tales, folk songs, and such.
- My coaching programs are individual coaching in a group setting. Which means: if you are on the call, we’ll have a one-on-one conversations, while others listen in, learn from your experience. This is, in my experience, the fastest and most effective way to get coaching and get coached. It is also the most economical. You can get coaching in anything, relationships, health, how to connect, meditation, work, business… anything I can help you with: I am there for you.