Knowing, being, causing, or being the victim of things.
In the Bible the verb "know" meant: knowing intimately. In bed, as a matter of fact. Or in hay... lol.
Today knowing means, for most people, is that their mind has heard about it. We are growing backwards.
Knowledge is power, information is poison. Why it's poison? Because it fills you up, and you are never hungry for real anything... the poison, the make believe, the fake fills you up.
What the heck am I talking about?
I wrote about "alone the other day, and last night I dreamed being alone. I was at some trip, in some hotel, and with two guys... not in the same room. They totally ignored me, and I was just pining, and clinging, and trying to get some food. They ate, but didn't tell me there was food, and even when I found them eating, they left.
I felt dirty, somehow disgusting, and left alone. That is the feeling that was there when I woke up.
I woke up how most of you lives. Satisfied with crumbs, at the mercy of others, of circumstances working out. An effect.
In life you can be the subject or the object. You can be the cause or the effect.
You can cause what you want, or what you have, or be a victim of it. I was a victim in my dream.
Nobody is cause 100% of the time, but many people are victims 100% of the time. Why? Because they don't cause their lives, themselves to be the way they are, their history to be the way it was.
You don't get up one morning and start causing your life. You have no foothold, nothing to stand on.
So the first step, if you consider changing yourself from effect to cause, from caterpillar to butterfly, is to cause how it is, with warts and all.
Cause your past the way it happened, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly. And cause yourself the way you are, the good, the bad, the ugly.
The more you pretend now, the harder it is to own your bad and ugly. But unless you own it, all, you are condemned to a life of inauthenticity, and the inner turmoil, and the inability to become cause... it goes with the territory.
Some people, it takes for them a long time to see and tell the truth and own it. I was one of these people. I clang to my victim role for decades.
The environment didn't encourage me to let go, it is the nature of your people to want you to stay the same: they know how to handle you, how to push your buttons: the status quo.
But eventually I built up the stamina to break through, and here I am, with only occasional acts of "effect"...
The more of your life you take ownership, the more power you have to be the cause.
It's not even linear, it is exponential increase.
The program I have for turning life around is the Playground. The tiny steps program that can take you all the way to the top. In tiny steps. Is it painful? Yeah, it is.
But the more of your life and the more of your actions, become part of your causing Self, causing life and yourself, the more eligible you become to graduate to the next level: the Itch.
Causing your being is so rare, that you don't even know what I am talking about, do you?
I suggested to one participant in the Playground, to cause himself to be important, and he has no idea how to do it.
I didn't mean: act important. I didn't mean: role-play, pretend, parade around. I mean BE important.
When I look what's missing: there is not enough of his life and being has been turned into the dominion of "I was cause"... the foundation.
Once, with time and practice, the power to BE what you say you'll BE will increase.
What took me to this topic is that dream. In the dream I was this sniveling little clot of "effect" not knowing how to belong, how to be with, how to cause my BEING to be other than where it was headed, alone. Left alone.
When you are an effect: you look outside of you to see what and who you are. When you are a cause, what's outside doesn't matter: you look inside. You cause what and who you are.
The goal is to go from horizontal self to vertical self.
In the vertical self you are creator.
People, others, say, no preach, that you already are. But they are not telling you the whole truth. You are that, as a potential, not as a reality.
There is no creator in the horizontal plane... you need to do the work to get into the vertical plane... work that you haven't done. The good and the bad and the ugly. And the painful, shameful, not pretty, not honorable, not smart, not intelligent actions of your past...
Instead of hiding them, you'll just own them... growing pains. They took you where you are: and where you are, depending on your next step, is glorious, powerful, and awakening, or staying the same, pretending to be who you have been pretending to be... with vibration of misery, anguish, fear, and trepidation.
You choose. If you can. If you are ready. If the pain is too much.
Maybe today is your day.
Playground sessions are on Tuesdays and Sundays. Only if you are ready...
Here is a quote that started me on my journey. I read it every day, several times a day, for five years... around half that time... instead of just being moved by it, my actions became consistent with it, my being became consistent with it. I became committed to my own growth.
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: (paraphrased)
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
“Nothing happens until you decide.”
Watch out for my next article: how to commit, how to act in the face of fear... a strategy to reclaim your self and your life.