Millions of people could ask this question every minute... and yet, the people hated don't know it, don't care, don't feel it.
Yet, although it doesn't get us anything, anything good, we keep on being angry, or even hate something or someone... myself included. I mean: I fall into the trap of hating someone... who doesn't care. Even if he knew about it, he wouldn't care.
So, what is the problem with being mad at someone, resenting someone, or hating someone? After all they did something that you don't like, that bothers you, that maybe even harmed you.
When you are angry, you eat the poison that you meant for the object of your anger.
Being angry, etc. is not a constructive action.
What do I mean by constructive? Constructive, the word, comes from building... building, up... The opposite of destroying, destructive.
When you do something constructive, it is on the side of Life, and it builds something worth building. A life, a business, fun, love, a relationship... something worth building.
Anger is destructive. In is destructive in you, it is destructive in your relationships, and it builds mayhem and havoc, not Life.
Yeah, yeah, but what should you do if you are already angry? Right? I have been dealing with an anger for months now... and I can only let go for moments at a time.
So telling you to let go may not be what you want to hear, right?
But what can you do so that anger doesn't eat up your life, your lunch, your lunch money, your sleep?
The Serenity Prayer says:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Let's jump to the second line: ask the question: can I change what is keeping me angry? Can I communicate, close my door, move to another state, leave the bastard, etc.? And would it really change the thing, or would it just remove me from the picture.
In my case, in my situation it's a catch 22. If I do the act I think I can do, I will experience loss as well, loss I don't want to have.
But there are situations where action does help, but those are the minority of the cases.
Most anger's source cannot be remedied. It is the way it is, and that is when you need to be knocked conscious and look if just letting go of the complaining, the fuming, becoming like a duck: water off your back.
I know it's hard, but it's a lifesaver.
You admit that you can't change the thing. And then you say the famous f... it... trust me, it is a huge release to say it... and relax into it.
In my case, someone promised to come and do something for me every Thursday at noon. I need it... so I can say: they will come when they come... And maybe beg them, cajole them, gift them, compliment them... all impossible while I hat his guts... right?
But ridding myself of this toxic destructive emotional energy is my number one priority.
I hope this article is useful.
It's obvious that I don't have a do this: 1-2-3 solution... and anyone who claims to have one is a liar... and I could be angry at them next...
Just kidding. Good luck.
Come to a coaching call if you need help.