When we are babies: love is attention. We can't do anything for ourselves, and someone paying attention to us equals love to us. Our comfort, our survival depends on it.
We each "earned" the attention in different ways, and then settled on one or two ways that worked the best.
We cried for the bottle in a whiny way, suggesting to our caretaker that we are dying. Pleading, begging, modulating our cry until we got a response.
We also manipulated our caretakers by smiles, by reaching out to them, grabbing their fingers, maybe laugh, little manipulative signs that made them feel good, liked, maybe even loved.
Just like pets learn to push your buttons: it is all self-serving, to make us get attention and food, shelter, and petting.
The child's favorite manipulative attention seeking behavior ends up a combination of their base constitution and their caretaker's favorite buttons.
I, for example, only got attention that came with anger or beating: you can track that in my style: just a little edgy, just a little raspy... lol. 1
When I am on a call with you I can tell that from your first interaction with me.
I can hear your mind churning and asking: Is this good? Is this bad?
Yeah, it's bad. And, of course it worked to the degree it worked: I got lots of beatings, S. learned to be self-sufficient, M. learned to get attention by being miserable and needy, another person by being ill .
But, your behavior is still attention seeking. It's out there, trying to get nourishment, validation, from other people.
They say (Tree of Knowledge alert!) that the Soul doesn't have permission to be active in you till the age of 12 for girls and the age of 13 for boys. It muscle-tests as true... but why? Your guess is as good as mine.
Unfortunately for human beings, by that time the machine is established and dominates your life 98%.
You have no freedom, no choice, no life of your own, it's all the machine.
One of the purposes of doing the work we do here: energizing the EGO, connecting to the SOUL, finding and learning to wield our WILL, stabilizing and directing our ATTENTION is to reclaim our freedom from the machine.
Once you manage to control 51% of your life (as opposed to the 2% you now have) you will be a whole different human being.
The first area to claim back is the area: how do you get attention...
Attention never meant love, but we got stuck in the child/pet level in this regard.
As long as you need to get attention and validation from the outside, whether it is other people, or even your results, you are screwed. You are a puppet on a string, 98% machine.
One tool I give you is the Unconditional Love Activator. The other tool is up to you.
Once you get your Unconditional Love Activator, learn how to connect well enough, long enough, so that the activator can actually penetrate and re-seed your subconscious, you need to start mapping out your main moves to get attention.
You need to identify, observe, commit to memory, and then catch every shade of your machine behavior and stop it.
I spoke with M. last night. His automatic moves are (just what he demonstrated on a 15 minute call!):
- how upset he is
- how screwed up he is
- how lonely he feels
- how certain things (normal things) set him off and keep him angry and upset for hours
- how great he used to be, but not any more... baaah baaah baaah.
Obviously this is not specific to M., it is you, it is me... it is Ordinary Human. It is the Machine.
Every time the automatic moves run, they strengthen the weeds in the subconscious and kill the new plants the Unconditional Love Activator planted!
It is your now energized EGO that is catching these moves and stops them!
Guys! This is a SYSTEM!
You need to use it AS A SYSTEM!
I can't change anything about you. I am not able to because I don't have permission.
The Original Design is that You do it for Yourself! I can provide you with tools, help, support, cheerleading, etc. etc. etc.
But you need to do the work.
Ambition number 1 should be that I won't catch your machine on the calls.
Annie's kindness and sweetness, Henry's upbeat greeting of me, C's "generosity", it's all moves! Killing you... no scratch that. It would be better dead, if you ask me. No, it is enslaving you.
Human Being's number one value is FREEDOM.
You will need to grow a little bit before you are actually a Human BEING... at this point you are still a Human MACHINE intent on its survival ONLY.
While you are here and at it, go and get the Unconditional Love Activator, if you haven't.... You NEED IT! If you have it, do it again, and again... And when you are ready, sign up to get the rest of the Second Phase Activators... because there is more to life than love... really.
- Actually, looking a little deeper, I can see that it is being outrageous. Pretty much causing outrage by being slightly inappropriate, infuriating, embarrassing, off-kilter, politically incorrect. Which only shows that no matter what is your vibration, the best you can do is reclaim a majority of you from the machine. Colin Wilson, one of my favorite writers says that if you manage to get control of 51% of control from the machine, you are going to live an extraordinary life, and I can assert that he is right, although I have no idea how to measure how many percentage of my life I control...
When you start, you are probably at 2%, and then slowly, with a lot of attention, you can inch your way up. The color exercise is really useful. Of course, instead of a color, you put a certain behavior into your reticular activator. I know of no other exercise that both trains you and helps you to identify your machine. My outrageous machine, your kind machine, the people-pleasing machine, the belligerent machine, the angry machine, the upbeat "No problem!" machine... etc. etc. etc. So first task is to identify your specific machine!!!