A student of mine watched a movie last night. In the movie she heard the following dialogue:
“Thank you for saving my life” “Don’t waste it.”
She cried. Later her husband was picking a fight with her. She stepped back 1 and didn’t react.
An hour later the husband came downstairs. She offered him tea. He apologized for his behavior.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because one way or another we are all wasting our life, or most of it.
The most useful question I have found to snap me out of this wasteful way of being is:
What is using my perfectly good life right now?
- Thinking about the future
- Thinking about the past
- Wondering what it means… (whatever it is at the moment)
- Wondering what they mean
- Wondering what you should be doing with your life
- Getting angry
- Being anxious
- Planning what you should say, what you should do. Strategizing
- Being distracted
- Being stressed… calm and collected 2 and actually doing something: oh, that hasn’t occurred to you?
- Being in your head
- Sacrificing your life for another, doing things they can do for themselves
- Giving advice, calling it coaching
- Getting agreement from others on how terrible it is, he is, etc.
- Avoid saying anything negative… in fact avoiding anything!
- Shopping, eating, sexing to fill yourself up
- Considering anyone a friend who you can reach on the phone
- Doing stuff because you think it will help you, because Oprah said it, because Dr. Oz said it… because I said it! lol
- Trying to do anything. Do it or don’t do it.
- Retelling your story
- Justifying anything
- Avoiding domination
- Proving that you are superior/inferior
- Being offended (my version is: who do they think they are to do this to me? lol)
- Looking for stuff in your head
- Asking questions to get a yes or no answer
- Trying to have fun
- Trying to please people
- Helping (this one is big, and I’ll probably need to write a whole article about this)
- Gossiping, just to talk about people is gossiping
- Being right, avoid being wrong
- Try to be well thought of by doing things, anything! Mrs. Roosevelt said it best: Their opinion of me is their business, not mine.
- Bringing creativity to mundane stuff. One of my students brings creativity to his assignment, which is to remind me to record the webinar. He is so intent on saying it always differently, that he never checks if I got the message or not. It is all about him. He wants to hear his name on the call… it validates him.
- Calling someone on the phone to tell them how great you are, how miserable you are, how unlucky you are
Enough examples for you? No? Do you have your own? Please add it in the comments section. Believe me, just adding it and acknowledging it as something that uses your life will open you up for a breakthrough. Will you have a breakthrough? Probably not.
Breakthrough is a technology, not a result of an insight. But some insights are life altering, like the one I had that something is using my life for its own purposes, other than my purposes.
With the activators, you awaken the part of you that makes sure you use your life for you, not for c-r-a-p.
This was an article that introduced a course… I think it was the Brilliance at will… but don’t quote me on that.
I think it is time to do another program, but instead of making it a webinar series, I am thinking of making it a coaching program with guiding videos and written interaction. That way it doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg.
The above leaks (and the ones in the comments) are examples. Unfortunately examples do not distinguish anything… and unless you have a distinction you’ll continue being the same way you have always been, even if I pulled your dominant belief “therefore” (no one can pull the belief, but I pulled it to reduce or remove its effect on your life… up to you, unfortunately what you are going to do with it. i.e. it’s your choice, moment to moment.)
Unless you are able to see your behavior examples inside a distinction (like a category) you won’t be able to recognize it and see an opportunity for change.
This course (if there are enough people applying) is about getting what exactly uses your life, so deeply, that you’ll recognize it from the feeling in your stomach, the curling of your lips… I mean even from tiny signs that it’s coming.
For example I have a reaction that begins with the curling of my lips down… like a pouting child. I catch it before I go into the feeling which is a life waster.
Inside this course, you’ll be able to see how, gradually, you’ll get back the reins, how gradually you’ll get back your life, to use for something that’s worth using a perfectly good life: yours.
You’ll be able to get clarity of what REALLY is using your life, and wrestle back the controls.
All interaction will happen in comments on a forum that I set up just for this course. No live interaction, not even email. I’ll answer every post on the forum.
I am thinking of making it a $10 a week affair… you quit if you don’t like it, you stay if you are getting what you wanted.
If you are one of my “regular” students, I am reusing the happiness site… so you are probably already a member… so use the ‘already a member’ link after payment.
PS: you don’t know what a distinction is? join the crowd… it is the hardest thing to teach… but even if you just get a flavor of it, you are head and shoulders above other people, it’s that powerful.
I’ll write or re-write an article, to bring a little more awareness… today, tomorrow?