If you can get to see what this pretense thing is all about, you will start a new life, a life where you actually call the shot, and not what you are trying to hide or prove.
In this article we are going to look at pretense, and what it cost you. It cost you more than it gains you... but the biggest cost is that you are stuck and you can't go to the next level.
"All the colors I am inside have not been invented yet," wrote Shel Silverstein, in his children's book *Where the Sidewalk Ends.* It's especially important for you to focus on that truth in the coming weeks. I say this for two reasons. First, it's imperative that you identify and celebrate a certain unique aspect of yourself that no one else has ever fully acknowledged. If you don't start making it more conscious, it may start to wither away. Second, you need to learn how to express that unique aspect with such clarity and steadiness that no one can miss it or ignore it
In the last blog post I spoke about all the ways you hide that you are a human, unwilling to be caring, loving, nice, accommodating... other than pretending so, when your personal interest makes it inevitable.
Now, given the DNA of humans, not wanting to do what is expected of you, not wanting to do what you are supposed to do is NORMAL. Really.
I don't expect you to be any different. In fact, if I could ask one thing of you: in your interactions with me, attempt to show your true colors.
Obviously, it is more pleasant to deal with someone who is nice an considerate, who won't call me names, and such, but I am willing to receive your unkindness, if you are willing to be honest about it.
What does it mean to be honest?
If you can say: "I am an unkind person and this is how I look and behave when no one is watching." Good. Why good? Because in addition to me seeing you naked in your ugliness, you can see yourself naked in your ugliness.
But if you say: "I am nasty because... PUT HERE ANY GOOD REASON" then I'll know that you are not owning up to your base nature, unkind, uncaring, etc. but you put blame on some circumstance... while pretending that without that circumstance to blame, you are a really nice person.
Bah humbug. You aren't. And while it is OK, pretending is not that OK.
Why isn't pretending OK?
When you can be with what you are, how you are, then you are ready to go to the next level. Also, you are probably easy to be with.
Why is it necessary to own your own nastiness in order to go to the next level?
Because you can't grow, you can't be any other way, as long as it's not OK.
The moment I notice that I am X (put here any undesirable way to be) I have the opportunity to shift out of one being and into another one.
But... BIG BUT! if you cannot be with, if you cannot own how you are as you being that way, for no reason at all, then you HAVE TO pretend, and you cannot shift, you will pretend.
Result: you are stuck in the nasty pretend cycle.
Now, what if you are not nasty, you are just dumb. Or gullible, Or entitled. Or a parasite: waiting for others to do the work and then you can mooch...
Same thing. You need to start owning all the nasty ways you are. Owning it. Without excuses, without explanation, without pointing fingers.
Your version will be a predictable set, predictable by your soul correction. Why? I don't know, I just have been observing that this is how it is.
Your soul has been waiting for you to do this forever. Because when you can look at how you are, without having to change anything, then you are ready to go to the next level.
But is it you who runs your life, or is it the machine?
Now, let's return to the quote above:
Until you do this work, none of your beautiful, unique colors can be shown, because your first and most important concern is hiding your real being, the nastiness.
You doing this work will give a chance to your beauty to surface... And in my eyes, it makes all the work, all the horror of owning how you are... worth it.
Really worth it.
PS: this work is best done first alone, and then in a group.