But you have an issue: that ugliness is hardwired into humans.
And: it is not what you know, it is who you know. It is not what you do but what you make others think you do. It is not who you are, but how you look to others that matters.
Being hardwired to be competitive is a fact, and being and behaving nasty, conniving, coercing, forcing, one upmanship, gossip, deceit is your predicament, what’s predictable.
But let me burst your bubble: what you see in the tiny glimpses about your nature is the truth, and what you believe normally is a lie.
Even when you are doing good, you are doing it either to prove that you are better, stronger, and superior, or you do it to take away from someone else.
When you stop the flow of traffic to let someone out of a parking lot, you prove to yourself and to the world that you are better than anyone else, and what you don’t admit to yourself, that you violate the right of other people to drive, when it’s their right of way. Give to one, take from many. Desire to receive for the self alone, 101.
Because you know better.
But at least some of you know better, but it’s like an addiction.
I can’t be good, I can’t win, I can’t do anything right, I can’t be who I want to be: happy, fulfilled, so I’ll just do what I can: make everyone miserable. Or some version of this inner justification.
And there are one or two of you, that will, at least, try to become someone they can respect, they can be proud of, even if it takes work.
So, what is the path?
All your organs are on the periphery of your being, and all your organs are directed outward, to the “world” where you expect the danger from.
Looking inward is a choice. You need to turn your attention, which is neither your eyes, nor your ears, nor your touch, nor your mind, they will stay how they are. But your attention, an energy you control, can be directed inwards.
The “root” of that energy is in the upper back, and it’s like an arrow, but not a free arrow, but an arrow with a fixed base. You use this same attention to find your Tangerine Spot if you want to connect to Source.
Your mind, your eyes stay inactive while you are doing that, or they steal the show, and you won’t be connecting.
Or instead of looking inwards, you’ll, again, replace the real looking with thinking and imagining….
Thinking about flying isn’t.
Thinking about going in… isn’t. The eyes and the mind are in cahoots to keep you on the periphery of your being.
Stealing seconds, moments, minutes to direct the attention to the inside is a practice. Eventually, depending on how good you are at leaving the mind and the eyes out, you’ll start to connect to the aspect of you that wasn’t born when you were born and won’t die when you die.
Your consciousness. Your awareness. Your Witness.
Your attention starts giving energy to that aspect, and eventually consciousness will believe that you want it to operate, and it will start to assist you in seeing what you are doing and the futility of it, the ridiculousness of it: trying to look good while you are rotten.
No forcing, not choice, no should, no commandments. In the light of consciousness you can’t be bad.
It’s that simple.
And let me tell you, the experience of being good, the ability to love yourself, the ability to be free of the urges is priceless.