A few days ago I wrote an article revealing to you that adhering to a “no negativity” concept, you are actually strengthening the ranks of the Dark Side.
At least one reader got the point, and is now attempting to increase her capacity to stay present, to not run away, to not hide, when ugly shows up. And by ugly, I mean all kinds of uglies, selfish, evil, cruel, rude, angry, vicious, terrifying… you know which ones you run most from, don’t you?
I also published an article a week or two ago about being astute. Astute is the ability and practice to tell one thing from another, with precision. To define something accurately. To see things for what they are.
Now, not surprisingly, the two issues are really one issue.
When you turn away, when you run away, when you avoid…
…you are obeying an opinion, a subjective take on what you see… a systemic judgment (inside the value science, axiology) right/wrong, good/bad, nice/ugly, etc. (Here is my article on that… axiology… the path to fall in love with yourself)
Clarity is the pathway to peace of mind, good actions, and an intelligent life
Judging the world and people and actions through these crude, unsophisticated criteria is about as stupid as picking a stock to invest in because it has a letter B in its symbol.
And, in fact, I probably could create an investment course, promote the heck out of it, that is based on one criteria only, that all stocks with a B in their symbols are winning stocks… making you, for sure, a millionaire.
The biggest difference between stupid and intelligent, between dumb and brilliant, is the number of distinctions, the number of ways they can see a thing in front of them.
Avoiding Negativity? You are a simpleton
If you are a simpleton, and that is what you are when you divide the world into negative and positive, you are not using your brain, its ability to see and tell apart.
Really. Some of the IQ test exercises specifically test that, for example all the pattern recognition exercises.
But some of you have the capacity but not the willingness.
I have identified the biggest stumbling block to human evolution, both on the personal and societal level: the unwillingness to undertake anything difficult, hard, unpleasant, distasteful, or scary task.
The hallmark of a society going out, by the way. Coasting, surviving.
A person, a society, a company, that has stopped growing is dying: slowly or fast, it doesn’t matter.
So, simply put, you need to toughen up.
So, how do you do it?
Given that I cannot do it for you, given that you can’t go to some bootcamp for months, and be yelled at, like soldiers… you have to do it for yourself.
And you need to start slowly, and mostly with spending a little more time every day looking at things you don’t want to look at.
The question, the repeating question should be: What am I seeing? What is there? What is it not? What other thing can I see about it?
And whether it is an inner or outer phenomenon that you are now looking at longer and longer every day, you will see a rich world with intricate details, that were invisible under the blanket of positive and negative.
Here is an example
For example: I live in a big apartment in a two family house. My landlord treats his property as a cash cow. Invest as little as he can.
My friend says he is a jerk. But jerk doesn’t say much, it is like “negative.” So what is there?
The second aspect of this thing is: I am afraid to talk to my landlord. Is he scary as a person? No, in fact, when I look, he is himself scared. Scared to talk to me. He knows he owes me work. He knows that if I move out he’d have to spend about 5 grands on fixing the stuff that’s wrong in my apartment.
So how come I am scared? What is there?
I find that my “pebble” is acting up. The pebble is the fundamental wrong that you are… My fundamental wrong is that I was born unwanted. I always felt that I had no permission to live. I have acted it out by misbehaving and getting thrown out, expelled, cut off, left, by nearly every organization, group, class. The hidden communication on my forehead: kick me out.
So, obviously, I cling to living here, in this apartment that hasn’t been painted in 15 years, that the floors haven’t been renewed in 15 years, that the walls peel and crack, that there is water damage, the shower doesn’t work… shall I continue?
Now, seeing all that, I am now able to act, not from fear, but from some other place. Do I want to stay here? Do I want to move? Is it better for me to move?
The decision will be made on my terms… not on fear’s.
I want to stay until I have enough money to hire a moving company, or until I die, whichever comes first… lol.
Now I am fine, life is now restored to its fullness, and the clouds departed. I know what I want, and I know I chose to put up with the undone repairs for what is important to me: uninterrupted work.
Got it? I went deep. I took responsibility. I own it…
But in order to go deep, to take responsibility, to own it, I first had to stay with it, look at it, see things for what they are, not run from anything.
Of course you may not have enough distinctions to go as deep as I went. That is what coaching is for. At least in my coaching sessions. All I do is look at things differently, reveal layers unseen by you, help you to take responsibility by owning what belongs to you. Easy for me. Life altering for you.
But I started just like you did… dummy. But I started. Will you?