What keeps you stuck
I am starting see that what keeps you stuck is that you identify yourself with your thoughts or your feelings, or both.
Bad news: Thoughts and feelings are reactionary: Without a circumstance changing, neither of them will change, and life will continue to go downhill.
Your thoughts and feelings can only change when something else changes. Why? Because thoughts and feelings are like a thermometer. They are a reaction to something else... Thermomenter reacts to the temperature. Feelings and thoughts react to some other circumstance.
Unless somne circumstance changes, nothing will change.
But given that you are neither your thoughts, nor your feelings or emotions, you actually have the power to change circumstances. Circumstance synonyms: situation, conditions, state of affairs, position.
- You can change your attitude... from the point of view of thought snd emotions attitude is a circumstance.
- You can change where you are looking from: same old or a new place... this is also a circumstance: what you'll see will change with the vantage point.
- Or you can simply detect that you want to react in a predictable way, and do something different. A new action will predictably change a circumstance.
My predictable way of reacting to everything
My predictable way of reacting to everything has had a base mood of resignation: it's over, it's screwed, nothing is going to help it.
If I acted from my resignation, you wouldn't know me: I would be dead. Or an unhappy architect. Or some other life I moved out of when I created an action, big or small, that didn't come from resignation.
My mother's base mood was also resignation. Resignation is like a bird who says: I can't do anything, I can't flap my wings, and even if I could, what difference does it make?
And yet, when it's us, we behave as if there could be no other action than what we have been practicing all our lives.
By the way: I am lucky.
You see, my "therefore" is very extreme, and at least some of the time I could see that it's a knee jerk reaction.
The therefore says:
I didn't succeed, therefore I should give up and die.
I made a mistake, therefore I should give up and die.
I don't feel well, therefore I should give up and die.
I am late getting up, therefore I should give up and die.
I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, therefore I should give up and die.
My Witness aspect started to watch this phenomenon early on. It never stopped. The thought popped up, seemingly out of the blue: therefore I should give up and die.
Your therefore may be less "out there" and you may be obeying the thoughts it creates, and your life is a result of that.
Some examples of frequently seen reactions:
It's wrong, dangerous, hard...
...therefore it has to be fixed...
...therefore I have to say it
...therefore I have to fix it
...therefore I can't do it
...therefore I have to run from it
...therefore I have to fight it
...therefore I have to hide
...therefore I have to drink, give up, settle for less, etc.
Severing the connection between the dominant belief about you or life and the actions is the job of the "dominant belief" removal.
As you can see, it doesn't actually remove a belief, it removes the inevitability, unavoidability of the action. It gives you an open slate...
If you have never paid any attention to your actions
Maybe you have never paid any attention to your actions, only your thoughts and feelings. If that is you, you'll need to shift your attention to what you actually do. Most of you belong to this group.
I know it sounds easy, and it is. Even if you have never done it. Just like walking is easy... and yet you need to learn to walk.
The question you could ask yourself: I wonder what it is that I am doing? What is the action I am taking? Right now!
I wonder what it is that I am doing? What is the action I am taking? Right now!
If it is waiting, then it's waiting.
If it is thinking about it, then it's thinking about it.
If it is getting depressed, then it's getting depressed.
If it is going to the refrigerator for a snack, a beer, then it's that.
If it is arguing, the it's that.
If it is clamming up, and not talking... then it's that.
catch yourself doing what you are doing
You do this for a while and catch yourself doing what you are doing. This will create a starting point.
You see, if you are totally unaware of what it is you are doing, then changing what you are doing is difficult... isn't it?
It has happened to many that they thought they were doing something new, but it was an illusion... their "new" action was their "normal" action.
I can't do it for you. I can pull and sever the connection, but you still get to do the work: notice, observe, do new action.
What I am removing is that the old action is the only action.
It doesn't matter how long it will take you, if you start today, you'll get a new life that much sooner.
You can start and deal with the fear later. The life you've always wanted is on the other side of this... the new actions can take you there.
What are your typical, customary actions? You can share below. Asking the question of yourself will bring yourself to clarity faster.