This year I had a recurring flash of desire of being a person who travels from country to country, while doing the work I am doing now.
The only thing standing in my way is the pain to walk, or even stand longer than a minute.
I have given up public speaking because of it. I have given up going out, because I limp. And because it hurts.
The recurring flashes of desire to become mobile again started a process of looking for a solution, if there is a solution.
I used muscle testing for every step of the way.
Muscle test #1:
build evidence that what you want is doable, achievable, realistic
Is there a solution to my hip pain? Yes. Is it available to me? Yes. Will I be able to travel after or with the solution? Yes/No. Is it because I won't do the work? Yes. Hm.
Darn muscle test... lol.
I started to pay attention. I made changes in my bed. I made changes in the shoes I war. I started to walk again, despite of the intense pain. Despite that nowadays I am attacked (Dark Side Attacks) almost 24/7, with an occasional 20 minute window of no attack.
I saw that the number 1 step will be: getting stronger. I stopped doing anything physical 2-3 years ago, maybe even 4.
I started to walk every day of the week, at least once. I live on a steep hill... so it's intense.
I also do a core-strengthening exercise a few times a week: getting up from the floor a few times. It is harder than it sounds: you work with your own weight, balance, etc. Love it.
I expected results in weeks... It's been exactly a month. The range of my walks is longer, the pain is still hard to bear.
Muscle test #2: test potential solutions and commit to at least testing them in earnest
I found a solution online, corewalking.
I muscle tested. It says: it works. I muscle tested: will it work for me? yes/no. Darn. Again.
Because I probably won't do it? Yes.
Anxiety galore... I bought it. Anxiety rises to near-unbearable levels.
Recognizing that in fact that is what's going on. That is good news.
"I will do whatever it takes" is my declaration. AND I will continue walking.
If it works, it will work for me.
Context: There is no way I am going to let myself down AGAIN. I can do it and I will.
I am unwilling to be the kind of person who is undisciplined, and a victim. All of life is worthless if I am worthless... So this is it. I put myself on the hook, and I won't wiggle off this time.
And if I ever miss a day, I'll just pick up where I left it.
So, what can you learn from my example?
- It is not easy to commit
- I didn't even try to commit until I bumbled through all the preliminary steps, trials and failures, getting stronger, etc. and I started to see my way.
- I didn't jump into this commitment until not having the result was a lot more painful than the work it takes to generate the result.
Life is not a one-two-punch deal... anything worth having will have to go through nightmare, incubation, anxiety attacks and such, before you are even ready to commit.
Your world view is pie in the sky. You need to get real. You need to hate failure more than you love winning. Especially when it comes to your self-image.