We all bow to a "god", the god of respectability. Looking good, being well thought of, getting respect. 1
And while you give your life to respectability, your life sours, your dreams die, you stop knowing who you are, where you are, what YOU want, what YOU want to do with your life.
Most are stuck there, but some (you?) yearn to know and live in harmony with who they are... but how do you go about it?
- Bad news: you can only get to your true self, to your inner beauty, your inner goodness, your inner truth through wading through the ugly, the nasty, and the mountain of lies.
- Good news: What you need to wade through is a certain amount of ugly... 30, 50, 70? Depends on you...
There is a finite amount, though it is still a small army of ugly...
...that unless you can face it, without running from it, without judging it, without trying to unsee it, it is going to stay, and keep you in the world of pretense, where who you are is not who you pretend to be.
Now, I know it is a mouthful, but ultimately that is the work. Seeing all the ugly about yourself.
The help I can give, is to give you pointers, give you beacons so you will see the ugly by their light. And, of course, the Unconditional Love Activator, which makes it a lot easier...
One such beacon is when you feel an urge to explain or justify.
If you stop for a moment and look behind that urge to justify your actions, you'll see ugly. You'll see that either you don't trust yourself, or you don't trust the other person to like you after you did what you believe is the right thing.
Don't just stop explaining or justifying... no value there. Look. See the ugly in you. Own it.
The ego is the part of you that wants to stay the same. It wants you to resist looking because if you saw it, you'd want to change.
But you limit what the ego can do for you by having more and more to hide, more and more falsehood to prove every day.
You look at every program with suspicion. Will this want me to change? Will this want me to look at what I have been hiding?
You say you want to change, you say you want a great life, but you are lying.
You can't have the rose without the thorns, you can't have night without day... Life has a certain order to it, but you want, with all your might, to go around it.
You want respect without giving respect, you want love without giving love, you want something for nothing, you want beauty without the ugly.
You invent religions, you invent gods, afterlife, karma, just to avoid having to face the truth about you.
You rearrange the furniture, do feng shui, invite a shaman in your home to get rid of evil spirit... but you go back, and there it is again: evil spirit. In you... The ugly that you have been hiding.
Everyone has ugliness inside, by the way. It is not just you.
This is the conspiracy: If you can see the ugly in others that means you are good. Nice. High minded.
Exactly the opposite is true.
All the nasty stuff you see in others is something you recognize because you have it.
They hold up a mirror for you to see it. But you run, but you hide, but you blame, smear, get angry.
You miss the lesson.
I am not saying it's pleasant. But it is possible to bring a sober eye to the things you see and say: Hm... I see that. Hm, that's ugly. or nasty. However you express yourself. Sober. Matter of fact. Flat.
To the degree you can own the ugliness, to the same degree it loses its hold on you.
Whatever you allow to be, allows you to be.
Husband cheated on you? Notice the nastiness that comes up... it is choking you. Notice that you want to be nice... then the nastiness comes out... and you apologize.
Don't apologize. Actually have it a goal to never have a reason to apologize.
If it comes out... then instead of pushing it back, and feeling shame, fear, rejoice. You got a chance to see the poison you carry around. And own it as yours.
Sit down and watch it simmer. Accept it for what it is. Embrace it. Do NOT justify, do NOT explain, just allow.
The longer you can watch it the less power it will have... Half done work (looking away, justifying) will bite your ass.
The beautiful you is behind the ugliness... it is not next to it, not in front of it, it is behind it.
As long as you have the ugly, all beautiful is a pretense... ugh, that hurts, right?
Now get to work. And let me know if and when you are ready for the Playground. Or Reclaim. Or both...
Oh, and don't forget to stock up on the Unconditional Love Activator. You'll need it.