Yesterday, on the What’s missing workshop, a participant introduced to me an expression that you’ll find very expressive: stuck in limbo. Limbo: a region of the afterlife on the border of hell, neglect, oblivion, on hold… The waiting state most people are in… they are waiting for something better, or sometimes waiting for the other shoe to drop. Either way you look at it: limbo is not a good place.
Most everyone is familiar with the feeling. You have yourself… set. You have your business… set. Your job… your life… all set, and all limited in one way or another.
So what is the limiting factor? Economy? Your education? Your skill level?
The only thing that is the common denominator in all four is your attitude to yourself, to your life, to your job, to your business.
I could have said, you are the common denominator… but then we would not quite know what we are talking about.
Because when I ask you who you are, what you’ll say will not be accurate, or will not be complete.
Are you lying? Maybe… But more likely you don’t know.
The reason they have tests to categorize you, or measure certain aspects of you, because, for the most part, you have no idea who you are, what you do, what you are capable of.
And the dumber they are… you can guess the rest of the sentence.
Everyone is stuck in some limbo, and they cannot see their way out. It’s a certain level of achievement, a certain level of relating, a certain circle of opportunity.
And looking at it, from the outside, without knowing what is on the inside, is dumbfounding.
You expect smart people to experience less limitations, less barriers, less limbo… but they don’t.
So what is going on?
Why do people have no confidence outside the area where they are already established? Beyond doing the things they have already proven that they can do?
Can they see that they can do more stuff? No… they can’t. They can, with difficulty, paint a picture of themselves enjoying the benefits of it, but the doingness: they have an issue imagining.
There is an invisible barrier, but it is as good as solid brick…
And the barrier sometimes stays solid, even after a person gets new skills, gets new capacities…
I remember an instance that stands out in my history.
At that point my degree was in architecture… I was an impostor.
I frequently had to do presentations of the projects we worked on. And at some point I lost all my confidence, and could not do it.
I trained a co-worker to do all the talking: I prepared her ahead of time, what to say. But I was miserable.
I went to see a doctor, who asked, in hushed voice, if I’d consider him hypnotize me. At that time hypnosis was illegal for a doctor. I said that I would consider anything…
He came to my house and did whatever he did. I didn’t think I was in hypnosis, I heard what he said, I smelled his breath, I felt that it got dark.
He repeated one sentence: “You have everything you need to get your job done” for, it seems, for hours.
Next day I did my own presentation, and never needed a proxy ever again.
Had he asked you what was missing, I would not have known. I would not have guessed that I thought I had something missing for me to do my job… or even better, even after the hypnosis, I was sure a lot of things were missing, but it didn’t seem to matter much.
I still wasn’t confident, I still felt like an impostor, I still was stupid, and misplaced, an not belonging, and yet, I could do my job.
And once I could do my job, a lot changed for me. That simple sentence reinvented my life. From the inside out.
What did it do? First off, it put my attention to what was true: I could do my job. I felt I could not. I felt anxiety. I felt weird, a weirdo. But the I, I didn’t know I had, knew what to do and how to do it.
Next thing I know I applied for a postgraduate degree, then I left my job and became a freelance architect, a builder, a developer, and then I left Hungary.
What was the capacity that got engaged with that sentence? Was it new? No. What happened is that I could see through the “too much information” of feelings, of emotions, of visual noise, of my dyslexia, of physical discomfort, and put my attention and allowed me to keep my attention on one aspect of the “puzzle”: namely that I can do my job.
When I look at my life, every breakthrough happened as a result of something similar.
Something says: I can’t. I recognize it as not the truth, I recognize it as a lie. And once I do, I do what the something said I could not do.
We can call this something “IT”. What is IT, where is IT?
It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that the IT is not your friend, and will do everything, say everything to mislead you.
In the what’s missing webinars we hunt for the many things IT says, so you can get unstuck from your limbo.
It’s quite something… If you are like me, it may take more than one step to truly free yourself.
Your best strategy is to bring the same issue to the call, so you can get deeper and deeper into it, so you can catch the core… and then neutralize it.
I have been dealing with a limbo. I have already brought it to three calls, today’s call will be the fourth.
I don’t care how many calls it takes: I know I will be able to neutralize it, and start flying again.
And so will you.
This is the true reinventing… by the way. 1
- reinventing how you look, by changing yourself outside will never have an effect on your life, because outside is an effect.
Keywords: Description: reinvention inventing as new… being able to get unstuck from where the thing was, and looking anew, and invent from nothing personal development The cog in your life is most likely you. The the cog needs to be moved so something new can happen. Reinventing means: new reinvention reinventing Inventing sounds like something from nothing. But in reinvention, reinventing, the old doesn’t go away… it is just looked at in a different way, so it doesn’t stand in the way of something new