Your behaviors, your feelings and emotions are the tip of the iceberg, hiding the below water part, your attitudes. Your attitude to anything…
Here is the exercise: Close your eyes and imagine a bowl of cherries in front of you. It’s all for you. No competition. Or a box of chocolates if that fits you better.
How do you eat your cherries?
- Did you take the largest, most ripe cherry? The best of all the chocolates?
- Did you take the puny little cherry first? The kind of chocolate you don’t really like?
- Did you just take any of the cherries, without looking if it is big, plump, or puny?
The underlying attitude shows clearly on your behavior.
- If you took the largest cherry… you want your results now, not later. If you look deeply enough, you don’t want to work for your rewards either.
- If you took the puniest cherry, then you are planning for the journey: every cherry will taste better than the previous one. And you are probably willing to work for success… and enjoy the work.
- If you just took any of the cherries, then your relationship to life is based on not even seeing the difference. You are probably unaware, and not present.
Now, reading this, I guess, you will want to change your behavior.
A student of mine is struggling. She is asking me what to do so she can change her life. What she is unaware of, is that the attitude, deep in the sea, is running the show… That ‘invisible’ she is unwilling to look at.
So let’s look at some attitudes, the bottom of the iceberg, and some emotions that are on the top.
let’s look at some emotions, and see what attitudes feed them.
Now, before I get to it, ask the question: why are we doing this? And here is why: You have no control over your emotions. None. But you have a lot more control over your attitudes.
Sidenote: Notice that the most successful, most famous teachers, hypnotists, gurus, are teaching you to change your emotions, or change your behavior… without ever teaching you that what they are teaching is bogus, doesn’t work, but makes them rich, not you.
Of course your control over your attitudes is largely influenced by the number of “intangibles”, the number of DNA capacities you have working. I don’t want to lie to you: there are attitudes that you’ll not be able to change with the number of capacities you now have. But at least you’ll know…
Another sidenote: all emotions, all attitudes are created by words you speak, most likely, in your head. We call that worldview, by the way. The words, unfortunately, are likely invisible for you, invisible like water for the fish, air for the bird. It is mandatory to dig out the words if you EVER want to have a different life.
Frustration AND Anger
The attitudes (words) underneath are:
- There is something wrong with it, wrong with them, wrong with me
- Life should be different than life is (it should be easy, fair, fun, etc.)
- It is not up my job to make it happen.
The essence is: it’s wrong how it is. I am a victim…
- It should be instant… I should already be there… It should be easy… It is due to me
- You/he/it should be faster than it is
- It should not take work or process to make it happen
- It’s tedious. Boring. Work is a 4-letter word
- I should be somewhere else doing something better
- I don’t want to deal with this
- Why do I have to do this?!
- Where am I going? What is going to happen?
- I don’t matter. What I do doesn’t make a difference
- No matter what I do I always end up…
- I can’t handle it
The attitude of unwillingness to be present. Why? The present may be unpleasant. So the attitude is: one-day, someday… but because the future doesn’t exist, and the future is built on the action you are taking today, the future is both uncertain, and certain: more of the same… or worse.So, we can sum up the attitude: I don’t matter, what I do don’t matter, I am a victim.And another aspect of this attitude: whatever is coming: I can’t handle it. If you have attempted to activate self-trust, you see that lack of self-trust is about 50-70% of the anxiety.
- They did it to me
- The don’t respect me
- I deserve better
OK, I can’t think of more emotions right now. But let’s see what cherry you picked and what else I can about where your life is heading.
What I teach is that the path to happiness, success, health, love, fulfillment is the strait and narrow method, the Anna Karenina Principle.
The person who adheres to this method will demonstrate it even with the simple way they eat a bowl of cherries.
They will leave the best to last.
It’s all about the contrast.
If you eat the best first, the next cherry, in contrast, will be a disappointment… and you’ll experience of unhappiness. Not yet.
The person who adheres to the Anna Karenina Principle, on the other hand, has a hopeful and altogether happier life experience, because they always look forward to better, more, bigger, tastier, or when it comes to success, to the rewards, instead of just work work work.
The opposite, the one who takes the biggest cherry, on the other hand suffers, and either gives up, or mucks up… I have students like that…
In life instead of eating cherry, we deal with life, and tasks. This group has big aspirations, big plans, and puny results. Because the big cherry, in this context, is the imagined end result… and everything pales in comparison.
Can this person change their attitude? Chances are even if they could they won’t. They like the rush of the dream, they are addicted to it. Like opioid addicts.
I had my appointment, daily, at 10 am.
On the third day, at 9:30 in the morning I started to perk up… Suddenly there was a spring in my step as I descended from the sixth floor. The doctor’s office was on ground floor. I had to cross the parking lot… It was a beautiful sunny day. I had the box of injections in my hand. In the sunlight I could read the tiny letters… Opioid.
I carefully put the box on the pavement and jumped on it with both feet. Hell no! I said, and it was done.
I still, occasionally, have visions of something heavenly, like a cup of tea in the morning… or imagining what it will feel like when I can run again with the wind in my hair.
But, because I am an Anna Karenina Principle person, I know if it is to be it is up to me… So I exercise every day, so one day I can run again. It hurts, like eating a puny cherry, but it takes me closer to the best cherry.
Want to share your most dominant emotions?
Want to help me out? Please post your suggestion in the comments below. No emails on this one.
The comment must be organized like this:
1. the emotion or behavior (mine or someone else’s) is this:
2. the attitude it covers, the Words. Don’t try the find the name of the attitude… find the words that express it. Like I did in above.
Let’s see if you can follow instructions.
If you can’t or won’t follow instructions… it covers up the attitude of arrogance… that you know better.
PS: Imagine that the box of chocolate is all yours. That you eat them all… Which one do you take first? Now imagine that the box is going around, someone else offers you a chocolate of hers… and everyone in the room. Which one will you take?
Or imagine that you finished your meal, but your partner is still eating. She offers you a bite… what do you take from her plate? The best piece? A piece of potato or a piece of meat?
To be able to EVER take control of your attitude, you need to be able to hear what you are saying. The little voice that you recognize as yourself, or guidance, or whatever idea you have about it. You need to know it intimately, and dis-identify with it…
I call this the Amish Horse Training Method. Learn to disidentify with the small and destructive voice in your head
Get the Amish Horse Training method