Unless I can see what you did, your emotions and much of your behavior don't make sense.
And occasionally I get the opportunity to see both the actions and the emotions...
- The most frequent behavior is you acting without looking.
Promising without looking. Saying/answering a question without looking.
What's the emotion? Anxiety... afraid of the future... Rightfully
Much like a drunk jumps into an empty pool... expecting it to be full.
You buy something. You are on the payment page. You assume you know what's there... you are not looking. You don't even suspect that you are signing up to a monthly program as well... and that you need to "un-tick" the box if you don't want it.
How do I know? Nine of you have "accidentally" and unknowingly signed up to Tai's Lopez's premium monthly program.
I remember when I bought my 67-steps... I carefully looked before I paid. Sometimes swimming pools are empty... and if you assume they are full... you hurt yourself. Every time.
Another example is when you buy something on my site and you don't wait to be taken to your purchase. The text on the page, small letters, says: wait until we redirect you to your purchase.
Result: I have to manually add you to the site so you can get your purchase.
I do it, begrudgingly, because I'd like students and clients who are awake, aware, and conscious. These capacities are prerequisite to growth.
Your results in life are very consistent with your level of awareness...
I know it's a word you don't want to hear. The word lying has two meanings: telling something that is not true, and to rest horizontally in bed, for example. Lie down... NOT lay down. In American English, people stopped using the word even for the second action: they say "lay" instead, which means "make lie"...
Why do people lie?
Because they can't face the truth. Because courage is in the shortest supply... there is a courage deficiency. In a world of right and wrong, lies are a currency that buy you something. Getting away with "murder".
The second reason they lie, even to themselves, is that they don't know that the payment for a lie is intense unhappiness.
Civilization wants to curtail humans' freedom to live by their instincts (sex, anger, hate, etc.) and makes it impossible for humans to live at peace with themselves.
Humans, you feel what you feel, have urges that you have, and then lie about it, even to yourself.
Yesterday I had a conversation with someone whose soul correction is "Removing Hatred".
He doesn't seem angry, or full of hate, but at the same time he is not happy, he is further and further away from what he'd like to accomplish in his life.
He cannot see, but until he makes peace with his own human urge to hate when he hates, he will never accomplish anything worth accomplishing in his life. It's OK to feel hate. Hate allowed goes away in a jiffy... hate suppressed lasts and hides for a lifetime.
I shared that I have flares of hate when I see you, my readers, my students, do the things you do. The ugly stuff.
Anger, hate, are like lightening... 2-3 seconds max... except when they are suppressed.
When I was three years old, I remember lying awake in my bed, pondering why I wasn't allowed to go to my baby sister's funeral.
She was going to be my knight in shining armor: the one that will love me in a world where nobody loved me.
I decided that it is because I killer her. A three year old's logic is hard to follow, but it is logic nevertheless.
I never even visited her in the hospital during her 10 days struggle to live... she was a preemie like myself.
But I KNEW that I killed her, I killed her with my anger. I KNEW...
So, obviously, I started to suppress my anger from that point on. You suppress anything, you have to suppress everything.
I don't remember joy, I don't remember happiness, I only remember anger and hate. They haunted me in my dreams.
When I was 34 I read a book on how to release anger. That was after I had been hospitalized for depression three times...
It took me another 20 years to clear the suppressed anger from my system, so when anger or hate comes, it is new... and not overwhelming.
Suppressing a natural instinct makes you feel like you are sitting on a bomb... paralyzing.
Expressing a natural instinct after it's suppressed is dangerous: it may make you kill someone.
The job is to gently and diligently release it from its prison... and to make the natural instinct, sexual, or aggression, OK to feel, OK to express, OK to redirect.
I have redirected sexual energy most of my life, energy can be redirected... it's like the energy of the river. Its energy can be destructive, or it can create electricity... irrigation, life-giving. Humans can do it.
In the conversation, yesterday, when I spoke of my hate, my "Removing Hatred" friend tried to stop me and correct me: you didn't hate them, you hated the behavior... he tried to dull the edge of my statement.
Hell, I hate you for all of two seconds when you do something stupid. Can you be with that?
People don't hate behavior, they hate the perpetrator. Ask any dog... they attack you, even though it's what you did they don't like.
If you won't start cleaning up your act, and start allowing your aggression and your sex to be felt, you can't even redirect it.
You have to suppress it, lie about it, and be unhappy, just like you can be sure about the fact that everybody has to die.
Now, looking at the questions I ask in the title: Why you don't trust yourself? why you don't have confidence in yourself? Hey, who would trust a certified liar?
My "Removing Hatred" friend is an underachiever, because he can't trust himself, because he is a liar.
Deliberate action is the hallmark of achievers. Your haste to close the page after paying, your haste to click the payment button, instead of checking if you are paying for what you think you are paying for, is a sign that you are a liar.
I catch myself, once in a while, do the same.
I don't think I am stupid. I think I am a liar... and start looking what I am lying about. Where my integrity is out. I look until I find it. Sometimes it takes days... but I always find it, and then proceed to tell the truth about it.
More often than not I promised to do something, and I am not doing it... currently the zenify my house project... I stopped being in action about it...
Time to restart... And say a big fat "NO" to it... I am not going to do it. Today is a good day for that.
Related post: https://www.yourvibration.com/16447/you-are-a-liar/
The nature of your suppression, the nature of your lies seems to be consistent with your soul correction.
You should get intimately familiar with your machine encoded in your soul correction.
Example: my soul correction is "Forget Thyself" and it is needing to be superior, thought of as superior and faultless.
Last week I bought something that today smelled funny. I muscle tested and although it would not make me sick... yet, muscle test says: don't eat it.
I was looking to return it, but, I think, it was my fault: the thing was on sale, probably because it was expiring... I bought it nevertheless.
So I am just going to throw it away... it allows me to still look superior and faultless... Do you see the machine in action?
On the other hand, my friends who are "Speak your mind" soul correction (25) will buy stuff and return it a week later for a refund, even thought the thing was perishable and would not last a week... and it was obvious already in the store. They didn't miss it... no, they like to think of themselves as people who take care of themselves... preferably at someone else's expense.
What would your soul correction make you do in similar situations? Please answer that question. If you want me to test it against your soul correction, please include your date of birth, year, month, day.