Some people (maybe all, at one time or another) have a breathtaking, breath blocking, experience, a feeling, or better said a bundle of feelings, that the Heaven on Earth (HOE) can't eliminate.
I have been wondering what it is. Why is it so recognizable, almost like a signature: I can recognize from the "feeling" the person who has it. Same location in the body, same type of pressure, or sharp pain, or a gnawing sensation.
Obviously my vocabulary won't be able to keep up with the variety of feelings people can hothouse....
And here is the insight: these are not natural feelings. Maybe originally they were, But they became a pattern, a self-poisoning device. Forcefully perpetuated.
Whether I've told you before or not is immaterial, but I have been under intensive attack by the Dark Forces.
For a long time I thought it was one person, but no person can do this, relentlessly, 24/7.
From my own experience, you cannot wield an energy and not have it go through you.
When I download the HOE, I am forced to experience all the 40 distinct energies in the bundle.
When I infuse water with the Energizer® or the Unbreakable® I am "forced" to feel it go through my body.
Imagine a human being have to experience the scrambling, hurtful energy that is being hurled at me almost 24/7. I can't imagine it is just one person.
My reaction to these attacks is, for the most part: "bring it on!"
I lean back in my chair and allow my body to take it without forcing it to do anything else. When it's over, I energize myself, I energize my water, and continue my day. I rebound.
Until today. Today, for the first time ever, I experienced an inner whining, and tiny tears in the corners of my eyes.
When I scanned my body, there was an all too familiar feeling: it's familiar from the calls, from Doug, from Charlie... from my students. wow...
When I dug deeper what was underneath, I saw that when we were little, my brothers and I, we competed who is the biggest martyr. And although my big brother always won, I was a close second.
The only way to get my mother's attention is by suffering. Being well got you ignored. The squeaky wheel syndrome. You must squeak to be oiled... lol.
Now, my mother is long gone, no one cares whether I suffer or not, or even if they do, I don't care that they care! lol.
And yet, the feeling "I am a martyr, please feel sorry for me..." was right there.
I quickly dropped it, laughed at myself, and went on with my day.
But my students are not that astute, they are not that able to laugh it off as silly, useless; a pretense.
- And they come to my calls, day after day, dragging in the dead mouse... this horrid feeling that is only designed to
get my attention and absolve them from any responsibility
- get them off the hook, not just my hook, but life.
Dear Reader, if you are one of the people that think that if you show that you are a suffering martyr you'll get love, quit it, I beg you.
No one loves a martyr, Even martyrs don't love themselves. And the Creator definitely doesn't love that behavior.
Become a blade of grass, allow any pain or bad feeling to wash over you, and then spring back and start over again. If need to: a hundred times a day.
One of the things I've noticed on my younger brother 1 since he's been getting the activators through my history level is that he doesn't get upset any more, or if he does, it's over so fast no one notices it.
His perpetual "I am offended" attitude has completely disappeared. It's a pleasure to be around him. He is now easy to be with. It started with the activators, and got even better since he's been making HOE water in his energy pitcher. His whole family is drinking it.
He says life has become a lot more fun. I can tell you, being his employer used to be a constant battle, that is before this change.