Meaning: Following THAT Star. The alternative is Meaningless
This is my quest: to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far.
Humans are strange animals: they need meaning to make their lives to feel more than just existing. They need purpose to give a backbone, to give direction, to transform a life of prose to poetry.
But life is, in itself, empty and meaningless... so how do you find the meaning, how do you find the purpose?
I was 38 years old when meaning first entered my life. It was dramatic, and it was life altering.
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I had had some undercurrent one could call "meaning" before... a never ceasing desire to express myself, to be me, to be unique and yet be recognizable and recognized as human.
But that undercurrent of a meaning gave me grief, disappointment, and frequent bouts of depression.
It was something I wanted. It didn't want me... I wanted it.
The state of longing, the state of lack, gave me the ambition to change things so I can express myself: futile.
My life of wanting (I often call that greed) comes from and results in a life of "this isn't it", and "somewhere else is better than here".
To fix that incessant longing, I did a lot of things, mostly bad things I am not proud of, wild things I am not willing to share.
It did one thing that eventually brought me to peace: it uprooted me, moved me from country to country to country... to this hilltop where I live now, where there is nothing wrong, and here it is better than anywhere else.
This doesn't mean I would not love to travel, eat pate in France, calamari in Italy, or hummus in Israel.
But I am now completely owned by the impossible dream... the poetry of the vision...
I am not Don Quixote, not totally, although I am a bit out of pace, out of sync with where the world is going... even though I make a point of reading and listening to people who are anchored in the extrinsic, the social, the world of the horizontal, like Tai Lopez. I learn a lot from him about things I would not be able to see from the ivory tower of my beautiful hilltop window.
“In our playpens and high chairs, we are rarely far from displaying either hysterical happiness or savage disappointment, love or rage, mania or exhaustion –
and, despite the growth of a more temperate exterior in adulthood, we seldom succeed in laying claim to lasting equilibrium.
Our innate imbalances are further aggravated by practical demands. Our jobs make relentless calls on a narrow band of our faculties, reducing our chances of achieving rounded personalities and leaving us to suspect (often in the gathering darkness of a Sunday evening) that much of who we are, or could be, has gone unexplored.”
– Again de Bolton,
The Architecture of Happiness, p.157
One thing that keeps people stuck, like I was, in the muck and mire of systemic thinking is illustrated in the following quote:
I feel a strong desire to tell you – and I expect you feel a strong desire to tell me – which of these two errors is the worse. That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs – pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is the worse. You see why, of course?
He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them. ~C.S. Lewis 1
You want, covet, desire something, and you despise, hate, or recoil from something else.
The whole world is reduced to one or the other, and the millions of shades of orange in between are invisible, ignored, and non-existent for you.
I used to be like this. My particular frame of viewing the world, the two ends of the pole were smart and stupid.
I was 38 when I first saw this. I saw that nothing in between, nothing outside had any value for me. I had no value for family, closeness, honesty, and bravery, and loyalty, dignity, or even beauty.
I was an impoverished two-bit machine. No fun, no joy, no peace, no love, no nothing that would delight the soul. No soul. Machine.
In my health: acid/alkaline, food combining, vata, blood type, I had lots of pieces, lots of knowledge, but no health. And no peace, no joy, no fun, no love, no nothing that would delight the soul.
Then, by miracle, I found an organizing principle: the question: what is health... And suddenly I had a different way to look. It started with the list of what Dr Wallach considers essential, my idea that all food is toxic... except a few foods that your "tribe" has learned to alter the genes to deal with those few foods.
Today, I have largely solved my own health conundrum... and feel better than ever... physically and emotionally.
And just as important: I have students who feel better, emotionally and physically... and maybe even more importantly: suddenly they have the energy to grow.
I live in a civilization where the two ends of the pole are healthy and sick. Guided by that civilization, you have no idea what health is, except the absence of disease... And yet when I look at the space in between, health, the way we have it, is nothing worth having...
I am looking at people whose health is 7-8-9-10%, and they think they are healthy. The majority of the people that ask for their starting point have those numbers for their health.
Their cells are 90% dehydrated, their energy level is low, their brain is foggy and non-responsive.
They eat food that no matter how many nutrients are in it, their body is unable to take advantage of...
From my spiritual work's point of view: they are not smart, not receptive enough to be able to elevate themselves to the level of self-actualization, because the lower levels: health, financial security are not in a state that they could even have any energy allocated to the higher functions.
In my experiments I have found that people's intellectual and other capacities are barely functioning when they are not well... and conversely, when their health numbers reach 50% and above, they are suddenly smart, perceptive, gentle, allowing, compassionate, all which were never indicated as possible...
And I had a "negative" experiment as well: one client went out and ate food that is toxic for their body one night... and the next thing we know she is back to "I want to follow my body's guidance" mode, where she was incoherent, alcoholic, and an all over the place windbag... talking a good game... no results in life.
I am hungry. I opened the refrigerator five times in the last 30 minutes.
I have made the most important discoveries so recently, that my refrigerator still has food that is toxic for my body.
But I am hungry... so I muscle test what would happen if I cooked some of that turkey, or some of that beef liver.
Muscle test says that both would instantly lower my health number by 30%... WTF, that is a lot. It's not worth it!
I had two students write to me yesterday, both with the same idea: they'll experiment what food agrees with them what doesn't.
I am in touch with my body, I am present, and yet, for 68 years I could not figure out what is good for me and what isn't.
Not until these past few weeks.
So good luck. Let me know how it goes...
But what if you had a session with me when I did not look at the foods you eat, your body type, your eating type, your allergies, food sensitivities, food intolerances that are the most important determinants of your overall health and well-being?
I recommend that you swallow the frog and your misgivings, and book another session... After all, your health is worth it to you... if it is. Is it?
PS: I shared above that I was hungry, but I didn't tell you what I did.
I chose to make an omelet and open a can of beans I know my body handle.
And I muscle tested what it is about the turkey and the beef that makes it toxic for me. After all, turkey and beef in general are not bad for me. Turns out that both cows and turkeys are fed grains... grains that are loaded with gluten... and I am gluten intolerant.
Grass fed turkey and grass fed beef would be all right for me... but that is hard to come by.
Luckily eggs don't carry the gluten forward... thank heaven for that!
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