Something interesting happened on my way to the top…

Warning: this article is written in a stream of consciousness way... and I am unwilling to rewrite it to prose... Let's see if you can follow me to the rabbit hole... lol

no matter what I do... Last week was quite uneventful, as far as drama goes.

No "attacks" from the Dark Side, no big drama anywhere. Things were flowing.

My new book, Effortless Abundance is drawing good reviews, and I am writing the sequel.

We've made a major discovery: a missing piece no one suspected, to raising your vibration.

Until last night.

There is this marketing master I have befriended. Our whole relationship has been going on quite public, and I didn't care. Then he sent my a private email, and sent me one of his ebooks he sells for money.

At first I didn't want to read it. Then I read it, but was very uncomfortable with it.

It felt like this guy is condescending to me.

Like he is telling me that I need something to be OK, and he can give it to me.

Wow. The sad part is that it's partly true. He is a master marketer, and I am an amateur, as far as marketing my own stuff... very emotional, which is the hallmark of an amateur... lol.

So what is the problem?

I, for maybe the first time saw something about me that I had never seen: I climb to a leadership position anywhere I go, or I won't stay. I teach so I don't have to be "less than..."

Very uncomfortable. I am going in and out of tearing up. If I listen really carefully, the little nagging whiny voice in my head says: "No matter what I do I can't...."

Can't what? I ask. No one has asked that question before. That statement, that whiny nasal sounding statement, "No matter what I do I can't..." never says what I can't. Why? Because it isn't true. It is either that I don't do much, and that makes it a lie, or I can, and then that's what makes it a lie.

A lot of my students have it. It is a big blockage: it is a lie that needs to be covered up carefully. It is your mind's way to keep you small and never really trying.

So, if I finished that sentence, what would I say... what is it that the whiny voice was complaining about this time?

My hunch is: it could say a lot of things that I am avoiding doing. And it could say a lot of things that would make me feel finished, done, complete, and then I wouldn't have to try anything because of that.

It is all about avoiding trying and getting to some place that is unfamiliar, where I would be starting over again.

After all, what would I do with myself if I made half a million dollars a year, like this guy? I don't know if I could, but if I could, what would I do with myself? Would I stay spiritual? Would I keep poking the box?

we'll cross that bridge when we get to it Horrible questions to deal with... naaaah, I'd rather stay where I am, and feel condescended upon when someone is trying to give me something. It's comfortable, I know every nook and cranny here...

This is the first time I was confronted by my soul correction in almost a year.

This guy showed up, out of the blue, so I can continue to grow... however uncomfortable that is.

And the money? We'll cross that bridge when we get to it... right? Instead of stopping before the first step, for fear of that challenge that may never come.

Or do pre-flight, pre-bridge-crossing flappings, like the young osprey does on this amazing video... fear? we'll be ready to experience the fear when we are airborne. And the ecstasy! The two go hand in hand

The same osprey that at age 51 days almost flies of the nest... here in this video just 11 days earlier when she first realizes that she is a bird... and first opens her wings consciously.

Just like Ceulan, the name of the osprey, there is a point where we discover that we are a creator, a human being. Some earlier than others. And it brings with itself a hunger to fly. And, of course the fear...

PS: Just now it occurred to me that there are two kinds of miseries: one that you plan for and embrace, and one that befalls you. It is not whether it befalls you, by the way, it's when and how long.

If you ever consider doing anything new past the age of 20, it is really a when. Maybe even 16, but I am not sure of that.

Doing something new is fraught with failure, dread, and anxiety, frustration and fear. That is the price you pay for learning, for growing, for doing something new. Like the bird... do you think the bird didn't have those feelings? Think again.

But flying is majestic, and sitting in a nest is pure boredom. I choose majestic with the accompanying terror, dread, anxiety and frustration. Yaaay.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

1 thought on “Something interesting happened on my way to the top…”

  1. Yes. Trying something new…the I want to puke feeling when you get so close to something you really want and become overwhelmed by frustration, the monkey mind chattering endlessly. The voices of loved ones real or imagined saying its’ okay not to try, to be realistic, etc. I was too old for my new pursuit over twenty years ago. What are you gonna do? It’s all the inner game. It’s great that you are going public with your process. We are all works in progress.

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