The saga continues: Landmark Education and me… and proof that positive thinking is bah humbug

I left it off where by 4 pm the day of my return from my first Landmark course, four people at the City of Jerusalem office registered into a course, because they wanted what I got. I went from misery to pride, a vibration of 35 to 175 during that weekend, or more specifically in that 15 minute exercise where I had the insight that I blamed my father for not marrying me.

And no, the issue wasn't whether I can marry another or not... though it has come up as a question later, much later. The issue was the anger that was tied up in that incident, in that blame, and also the self-disgust of having been used. Being used is still a sore spot for me, but I don't try to punish everyone for my own misery any more. I did, for many many decades.

As in every Landmark course, there was a Tuesday night evening session. Trekking to Haifa was not on my schedule, but given the result I got, I decided to go. People shared what they got out of the course, and I didn't understand half of it. I didn't share. I didn't know what I got out of it, other than people didn't leave the bathroom like before. Although it was significant, I could not explain what happened.

I didn't know about energy, I didn't know about vibration, I didn't know about anything that would explain why that happened. Don't forget, 175 is still a low vibration: still below where you can consider yourself a human being in training. Life is still all about you at 175.

I slept in Haifa at a classmate's home. We talked till the wee hours of the morning.

After work that day a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to accompany her to America. I said yes. It surprised me, because I should not have said yes: I had no money at all. She said, ok, call so and so and ask him to pay for your air fare. So I called. I just said hi, explained who I was, and asked the guy to pay for my air fare. Why? he asked. Because Rachel said she needed me to go with her. OK, he said. I went back to Rachel and reported that it was done. She asked: and did you ask him to pay for our accommodation? I did not, I answered, slightly trembling at the outrageousness of it all. But I went back to the phone and called the guy again, and asked him to pay for our accommodation. He was silent for a little while, and then, annoyed, he said yes.

The trip was scheduled for three weeks later, and my job was to get ready, raise some money for eating and such, saw some clothes for myself, prepare a portfolio to show architects in America, get a passport and a visa... get permission to be off work for six weeks.

I didn't sleep much in those three weeks, but it was all done.

The most crucial moment was asking for a visa.

My parents were communists, founding members of the Hungarian communist (was called socialist) party. My last boy friend was the head of the technical intelligence of the Hungarian Army. I did not expect to get a visa.

As I was sitting at the American Consulate in Jerusalem, I was sure I was going to get off the hook: I would never get a visa.

After waiting for 20 minutes, a well-dressed man came out from the back office, called my name. He reached out his hand, handed me my visa, wished me a fabulous trip. It was the Consul. WTF? right?

And here is my famous 20/20 hindsight: my internal state was so changed, my self-hatred diminished to such degree that what I was thinking with my conscious mind could not silence the song in my heart, the optimism about my future, my bright outlook.

Most people are bright in their speaking, laugh a lot, talk hopefully, but inside, in their subconscious they hate life, they are a loser, they don't deserve, and that hidden aspect, the subconscious is what dominated, not what's on the top, not what's in the visible.

When I got to New York, I promptly looked for a job. I was offered a 35K job at my first interview, the week after my arrival. 27 years ago. That was a lot of money then.

I didn't take it. I didn't like the type of buildings this firm had designed. lol

Watch this short video where I explain why positive thinking, avoiding negativity, and other happy horse-s-h-i-t doesn't work, and explain what does.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

8 thoughts on “The saga continues: Landmark Education and me… and proof that positive thinking is bah humbug”

  1. sophie, your video felt like it was taking the words right out of my mouth/mind. have been trying forever(?) to impress my subconscious mind with the i am,,, positive statements, all the while deep down knowing that i was lying to myself. in fact i am convinced that it caused me so much more stress and strain and it was such a huge bloody relief to realize that and give it up. i am sure now, in looking back and when i still try it, i actually get the opposite of what i am affirming and a ton load more of stress & frustration. and it’s been those innocent times when i’ve felt happy & just comtemplating something that the most amazing things show up, almost instantly and right out of the blue… just like your visa. i know that i know what you are saying and i haven’t been able to deliberately use it to my advantage. thank you so much for that video, i will be watching it again & again. B

  2. Oh Bernie, I am so glad you replied.

    I listened to the video and the content is true and great, but I look so gooddam serious on it, I was afraid no one is going to watch it. It’s so important to get it: all those affirmations are not the way.

    My activators work, the only problem is that people need to get out of their minds for a few minutes, and that is an impossible feat to accomplish.

    My Activate Divinity method works miracles, just like that Landmark course: I used it on myself yesterday, and I woke up this morning bubbling and laughing, wow.

    Much love to you. xoxo

  3. what’s wrong with looking serious if that’s the way you felt? your message got across! and if you had been all smiles & bubbly it might have taken away from the ‘seriousness’ of the content? not an easy subject to convey in words,,have tried many times,,, for me, it’s more of a feeling or a knowing, that somehow you’re flogging a dead horse!
    thanks sophie for having the courage to do the video for us in spite of how you think you looked,, i enjoyed watching you as well as listening.
    may the bubbling & laughter spring forth from me tomorro as i mind my little grandaughter πŸ™‚
    hugs

  4. Great video Sophie. You explain very well how the mind blocks positive thinking as well as transformation and how transformation requires a shift in the sub-conscious. Getting free of the mind is very difficult for some (me) and perhaps less difficult for others, but still difficult. I am working on it.

    I felt that I had breakthroughs at Landmark that have stayed with me, so even if I was still in my mind, something must have happened in the sub-conscious to cause the breakthrough. Of course if I had been free of my mind back then (20 years ago) I would have had more breakthroughs. As I study with other teachers I realize that Landmark was trying to teach many of the same principles, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

  5. Thank you Michael.

    Unfortunately to Landmark, they stay on the border of respectability and socially correctness, and that keeps them square in the mind, and largely ineffective.

    The new connection process has been quite successful, you should try it. It is putting the attention to something else, and the mind starved lets go of thinking for brief moments, for many even minutes. Delightful.

    And in those moments I can do my work with people. It is especially crucial in the Activate Divinity process and Activators.

    I appreciate your comment. Thank you.

  6. … and lo & behold, the laughter & bubbles & joy sprang forth in copious amounts,,, i’ve been peed on, dribbled on, tomatoe sauced on, have spoken with leo the lion & minnie the mouse, smothered in hugs & kisses – sloppery ones, πŸ™‚ and all i was, was present to enjoy it. recommend anyone to get a grandkid:) now all i have to do is find the energy to get my body into a bath,, and where did i put the epsom salts?? wasn’t any time to be in MY mind today, much as i tried πŸ™‚ what a challange, but worth every goddamed second, to witness the innocence & the fears and her perceptions,,, and just accept it all. and sophie, just for today, i didn’t try to change a damn thing,, next time though, i’ll wear dark clothes:) thank you sophie, was a gift of a day x

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