Self-coaching demonstrated

what-coaching-is-notHm, it seems that "Source" or my inner guidance, or soul, or whatever is doing this guidance thing... is intent for me to have integrity: speak from experiential truth.

So it seems from the few "trips" it's been sending me.

  1. In the area of health, it is telling me to make dietary mistakes... so I can be authentic in saying things to my clients and students that are doing things that hurt them.

    As soon as I get what I was supposed to get... I am taken to the next "trip".

  2. Ordinary living... I was lead to the series, "Saving Grace", raunchy, soul-less, meaningless, purposeless, escapist. For me family is like that... not MY family, I have none. Or almost any community. I needed to dip into it to know how incoherent it makes every participants.

    And when you are incoherent, you don't even have a choice... you need to go back to the whirlpool.

    I even spoke with a classmate of mine... big family, big whirlpool.

    I don't know if I can now coach effectively, but at least have compassion for people who have to say no to remain sane.

  3. Being pulled into other people's agenda... and this time it is my life, and it is my clients whose agenda is trying to impose themselves on my life.

    After countless years of calling the shot on my own time, this past 2-3 days I've lost grip...

    I am contemplating setting fixed times when I answer my email. I am experiencing a lot of resistance.

    The question may help: what's the real challenge here for you?
    or If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?

    The real challenge is this: I like short and meaningful connections to the people who write to me. I'd hate to make that an event, instead of, like oxygen, something that nurtures me, something that makes me feel not isolated, not alone.

    Actually, when it is too quiet, like holidays, I do go to a feeling of not being part of life... because there are no emails.

    But... the new people who somehow are attracted to me, consider me available, eager, and suck me dry.

    I had a woman send me 19 emails all, clearly, asking for coaching.

    When I confronted her, she said: I wasn't clear those were requests for coaching, I meant to ask for help to decide what to buy. Clearly deceptive... although habitually.

    So, that is clearly the real challenge for me here: recognizing and nipping it in the bud... when the other person is taking me for granted and for a sucker.

    Yeah, the real challenge is, for me, is to not be the sucker... lol.

    Now that I am looking at it, I feel lighter.

    I feel that I can do that...

    Huh... that was deep.

I feel back in the driving seat... and all the tension, all the resistance is gone. Woohoo.

So what did it?

Asking different questions that made me look at the issue both from a different angle, and through a different filter.

You can always do that, yourself. Both of those questions would have made a difference, although I got clear through the first.

This is what coaching is when it is at its best.

Summary: I used to have long coaching calls with clients. And although they felt good during the calls, they mostly didn't do what they set out to do... or forgot what they thought they saw on the call.

It was expensive, time consuming, and it was devastating.

I switched to my current coaching modality and by gosh, it's working... When the client is doing anything. But when they aren't doing anything... it is obvious, that they aren't doing the work...

And even then it only costs less than a cup of tea a day... And we all know that when they are ready, they will return.

The ones that do the work get direction questions from me... instead of long winded explanations... When there is something to teach, instead I write and article, and thousands can benefit from it, instead of the one person who needs it right now.

This new type of coaching doesn't give you the illusion that you have all you need to do well in life. Instead it emphasizes all that you need to learn, change, do... no illusions.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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