No matter what I do… A great self-deception

Do you ever use that one, “No matter what I do…”?

I caught myself saying that today. It was regarding eating. I used to have it in every area of my life, but it seems that the Harmonize audio has zapped that excuse almost completely out of use.

The “No matter what I do…” is not for public consumption, very rarely, if ever, I hear it from a student. I feel it, and I identify it… the answer is always a chuckle.

The feeling is a tight belt or rope from underarm to underarm. Painful, restricting, completely blocking your movement forward. Self-imposed, unreal, much more effective than anything real that you need to face.
The behavior: no action. Not even an attempt. It is used as a jolly joker in card games: it replaces any action with the statement. If you can say: “No matter what I do…” plus no action: for you it is as good as have acted and failed.

The chuckle is irrepressible, it is like a micro-expression, it happened before you are conscious that it’s coming. Then it disappears as fast as it came, and you are back again in the seriousness of your victimhood.

What is the statement trying to say? It implies that you tried everything, honestly, fully, unabashedly and without restraint, and you came up empty handed. You should be celebrated for being such a braveheart, going boldly, against impossible odds. It indicates that you are a hero and I should really celebrate you. I should have compassion for you. Or maybe I should do it for you? Or stop asking you altogether?

The “No matter what I do…” comes up to hide that you are more interested in staying your fake personality than having the results you claim you want to have. It comes up that you are comfortable, and you won’t do anything to change that.

Your enthusiasm and energy will last as long as it takes to get to a place, vibrationally or otherwise, that you can tolerate. Then you stop. You may come to all my classes, you may come to talk to me, but it will only be to prove that you are willing to do what it takes, but this pesky “No matter what I do…” won’t let you.

If you ever wondered why your vibration is so low, now you know it. You honor comfort more than you honor your soul, your purpose, your human design.

And if this is true for you, then it’s also true for your teachers, gurus, healers, politicians, priests, because they are stuck in the same paradigm: comfort is better than anything else.

Yesterday I said in another article, that there are only nine people on the planet, at this time, that actually meditate properly. The rest of them fake it. The rest of them go straight to bliss. What’s between ordinary “trying” and “bliss?” They have no idea, they have no experience with that. They turned around at the first sign of discomfort, and started to pretend instead how great their experience is.

The teachers that teach guided meditation: it is to avoid meditating. Kundalini meditation: it is to avoid Kundalini rising. It’s a horrible experience, much like a whole-body seizure, you prefer imagining something blissful: bragging rights.

Being an empath is a tool I didn’t ask for, because it makes me like that blind goddess, the goddess of justice… I can tell where your speaking is coming from, I can tell where you are while you pretend to meditate.

If you just stopped lying to yourself, long enough to confront the truth: you are comfortable, and you don’t wish to change, or make any effort to get what you “should” want, then you could be actually happy.

Happiness is accepting what is. Unflinchingly. Not allowing any shoulds, any thoughts to creep in with comparison, or future: just be in the present moment, and see that you have everything you need.

When the Harmonize audio raises your vibration and your capacity for discomfort for something you are desiring, then you can go for what you see then you want, and get it.

You will see that then there won’t be any “No matter what I do…” You’ll do what it takes to get what you want, and then you’ll stop and enjoy it.

Start living true to your individuality, and stop pretending that you want to be true to the personality others have given you. Your individuality is obviously satisfied with what you have, your experience, your accomplishment, so don’t spoil it with fakeness and pretenses.

If you tell me that you want to be enlightened, you want to fulfill the Original Design, I’ll yell at you if that statement, that declaration is at odds with your individuality: you will not do what is required of you. I’ll be angry for lying to me. I’ll be angry for trying to dupe yourself and me.

I have created these new tools, the Avatar State audios, so you can stop pretending.

I have worked, incessantly, obsessively, full time and beyond, to raise my vibration to where it is. Why? Nothing less would suffice. And I still haven’t stopped.

My individuality demands that of me. But it doesn’t demand of me to be thin, so I don’t diet… it is time for me to stop lying about that. If it were important to me, I would do it. You can count on it.

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

3 thoughts on “No matter what I do… A great self-deception”

  1. Thank you for this Sophie. It’s funny when I first read this post last night I immediately thought of and dismissed a number of comments. And then I became frustrated with myself for making this so difficult and THEN it hit me that even in my comment on a blog I worked my way into “No matter what I do it won’t be right/true/smart/acceptable blah blah blah. I have a long way to go but I greatly appreciate the awareness of this pattern.

  2. I like the mind trap of accepting what is and really inhabiting the present moment, but at some future time when I have really grown or learned or accomplished something, because surely this could not be that kind of moment. To accept this as that kind of moment would be to settle. This is mg purpose, to type out comments one finger letter at a time, to amuse the sentient constellations.

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