Emotional Intelligence: learning what emotions are…

Given that I go deep inside humans… deep into the invisible… all the way to DNA, this article is different than what everyone says about emotional intelligence

So if you want the same b.s. beware… It isn’t.

Ultimately emotional intelligence means: interfacing with reality accurately.

REAL emotional intelligence is when you can look at what emotions you feel, and not be guided by that emotion.

You have no control over your emotions. You can test it… try to be happy… OK now try to be sad… You may fake the facial expression, but what you feel is not that…

Emotional intelligence is to consider your emotions noise.

Really. And instead of looking in your emotions to know what’s going on, look in REALITY… Emotions all come from something you consciously or unconsciously say… not from reality.

Why? Because what you say has nothing to do with reality… what you say comes from your worldview… which is a very grossly inaccurate image of reality.

I am getting in deeply with this whole idea that you can be emotionally intelligent or not.

And have zoomed in on a spiritual/DNA capacity (The Sight capacity) that when kept alive, when used, it provides you with a significant jump in your emotional intelligence, or EQ.

It seems that the biggest problem is that you are not looking at people and even if you think you are looking, you are only looking for what you think you can recognize… like a smile or a frown… but that is where you stop.

And if you ‘misdiagnose’ what you see, your response to it will be NOT emotionally intelligent, in fact it will be a false step.

Your life will be full of disappointments, upsets, and not much success, neither in your work, nor in your relationships. Or money. Or health.

Yesterday I was on the phone with a client.

Her soul correction is Fear/Fearless. In the conversation it was becoming obvious that she had read ‘Feelings’ the book I have been so excited about. So the conversation was on a more even footing that most of my conversations: she has been paying attention and recognizing at least some of the dynamics the feelings have, and has been managing her fear quite well.

Buy the book ‘Feelings’ Show proof of purchase for a pdf… you’ll need it. It’s hard to see the illustrations on Kindle…

You have always wanted to get out of your head. You tried meditation, drugs, to no avail. Because the way out of the head is through the feelings… the body, where you feel the feelings. Your control center. Overriding the mind nearly 100% of the time.


Feelings, unpleasant feelings, can be a burden, especially if you cannot decipher the message they carry.

Each and every feeling is a guidance. It is telling you to do something. Not necessarily big things. Not necessarily in your best interest.

Feelings are not guidance from god or angels or whatever you think give a hoot about your well-being.

No. Feelings are your body and your DNA talking to you. Your body that wants you to be safe, wants you to be well nourished, get enough rest, get enough information so you can stay alive. Get companionship, belong to like-minded people, and measure up, be well thought of, and make you think well of yourself.

You have not spoken ‘body’ fluently at all. You have been fighting your body, fighting the feelings, and just like with people: you want only people around you who tell you nice things so you can feel good about yourself. whether you deserve it or not. You only want to feel good feelings.

  • Your so-called friends are the ones who lie to you about you. They tell you what you want to hear.
  • You shop for gurus and teachers who do the same.
  • You don’t like anything unpleasant, and you have become the runt of the litter… weak of mind, weak of body, a weakling.

People who can take unpleasant feelings can run circles around you. Because everything in life comes with two feelings, one unpleasant and one pleasant.

The unpleasant feeling lasts a long time, the pleasant is a blip on the screen of life.

The purpose of life is NOT happiness, NOT feeling pleasant feelings

all that is only possible through unnatural behavior, addictive behavior, because that is not how life is. That is NOT the purpose of life.

I exchanged emails with a long time student of mine yesterday. She got a glimpse of this addictive behavior, through the articles and maybe through the workshop we had this past Tuesday, What’s the truth about you?

Her TLB score is 2… which means she has SOME tolerance for bad feelings. Like she is able to tolerate no instant success, tolerate not understanding, tolerate not seeing something clearly. Unpleasant feelings. Tolerate them and not being stopped by them, not running from them. Some tolerance… 2 on the scale of 1-100. But because it is a logarithmic scale, it is ten times more than a 1.

And at the end of those unpleasant, long lasting feelings she finally manages to get success, to understand, to see something clearly… and then there is a blip of feeling of accomplishment, a caress on her fragile sense of self. Atta girl. Not long lasting, but enough to give her some energy to continue.

  • You see, without understanding that you have a tendency to avoid what feels bad, you will have no achievements.
  • Without understanding that the good feeling disappears once it rewarded you for what you did, and the next is: more unpleasant feelings nudging you on, you’ll get stuck feeling hopeless.

You could grow your TLB

  • If you knew how feelings work,
  • If you knew what is the feeling is trying to make you do,
  • when you don’t try to avoid unpleasant feelings, instead you’d look at what they want you to do,
  • if the good feelings were not so short, and the unpleasant feelings not so persistent,

If you grew your TLB you wouldn’t need to go to motivational talks, because your feelings would motivate you enough.

The high feelings of a motivational talk is actually counter-productive: it’s like a drug. It now created a new baseline to aspire to…

After taking a drug life looks pale, bloodless, unexciting in comparison.

  • One of my advantages in life is that I am not into excitement. I have never taken any drugs, I don’t like the effects of alcohol, and sex leaves me with ‘so what?!’
  • And hell, I don’t like excitement, I like life to be even keeled…
  • I don’t compete. I don’t gamble. And I don’t like the Adrenalin rush.

Sex is the simplest to see example to show how feelings work:

You are horny… for a long time. It starts with a whisper, but gets louder gradually. Horniness is an unpleasant urging feeling that tries to tell you that you need to go and find a suitable partner to make little babies.

Then you do. And… and the whole orgasm experience is three seconds… if you are lucky. It’s a release of the negative pressure, just like peeing, or pooping.

When you look at gay people, the nudging of the reproductive urge is almost constant. And the concern for the offspring is missing… no offspring from same sex sex…

Because the urge is constant and the release is so flimsy, gay people’s mind is almost all day on sex… Of course I don’t know about heterosexuals… My mind isn’t on sex… And rarely was when I was in reproductive age.

One other thing though, that may be very important: I have never masturbated. I just allowed the unpleasant urge to dissipate. So I did not wind myself up in the ‘release the unpleasant feeling with my own hands’… Maybe this is why my TLB score is 70… I can just breathe it out… Allow it, and it disappeares… I end up not a puppet on a string.

And that leads us to the question: What does knowing what a feeling wants have to do with high vibration, becoming a person, having a good life: wealth, health, love and happiness?

I think it has to do everything with knowing what the feeling wants, without resisting it. All wanting feelings are unpleasant!

You see, when you know what is going on, you can choose. You can choose to say: no. And, of course You can choose to say: not now. You can also choose to say yes. Or you can choose to say: let me do something else, instead. All without the jerky resistance, that hurts more than the feeling it wants to ward off.

I didn’t resist horniness. I said to the horniness feeling: ‘oh, you? not today, honey, I have a headache… let me do this instead…’ meaning: do something that was more constructive… like sleep, read, work, or converse.

Feelings, you’ll be surprised, are more malleable, more agreeable than people. The horniness answered: ‘Oh, ok…’ and went away leaving me to do what I wanted to do. Sleep, work, exercise, read… whatever it was that I would rather do.

In a way, feelings are just like people: if you ignore them, if you resist them, they raise the volume… But if you talk back, they are OK… they weren’t ignored.

Every ‘desire’ you succumb to, because of your low TLB score, is an energy leak.

Every time you act on a desire, instantly, you become weaker, and you have less energy, less enthusiasm, less desire to do the things you want to do for yourself and for your life.

If you are an underachiever,

  • you are probably a puppet to your desires.
  • Or, alternatively, you push away, resist what you don’t like… resistance is another energy leak: the resistance ties up the available energies (and your attention) that you need to do what you need to do, do what will make you successful in life.

And one other thing I am certain about you: you have a cone of vision as narrow as a pencil. Stuck. glued to either what you want, or what you don’t want.

When I talk to you, I can direct your pencil light to other areas, and during the conversation you get to see several areas of reality, get a release, but after the call, you immediately return to your pitiful stuck mode of wanting and resisting.

One of the main reasons I use the 67 steps program to coach through is that – if you do it rightly (not everyone does, some are more stuck than others!) – it moves your pencil-light cone of vision for you, so you, hopefully, release your stuck focus on what you want or what you don’t want… and start living, start taking care of things.

Seeing the big picture, aka having the ability to have a wide cone of vision, means that you can see a wide segment of what’s going on, what you want, what you don’t want, what you could want, what you do, what you could do, what you don’t do, what it’s costing you. And be able to make some intelligent decisions.

Your intelligence is seriously impaired by you not being able to look at the big picture. You may be smart, but not intelligent.

Awareness is an indicator of the size of your cone of vision, your visual field.

You cannot be aware if you live in the illusory world of your mind, of words.

If you think you are smart, you do have a tendency to do that… live in your mind, in the symbol based world of words. And imagine yourself smart, accomplished, and alive.

You are not any of that.

You are unaware, and it seems to you that you know a lot… unawareness will do that to you.

Some of you will let another person move your cone of vision… others won’t. And yet others will take their filters with them when they move their eyes, and keep seeing the same things… nothing changed.

Seeing is important.

Accurately seeing is really important. And life altering.

How do you know you saw something accurately? From your results. You cannot unsee what you have seen accurately. And with that new information, your ship starts to turn, more in line with what you want your life to look.

It isn’t turning? You either didn’t see anything, or what you saw was not accurate, not what was there to see… your filters overwrote reality.


I have a client who has an ‘I am a saint’ racket. A racket is a mental construct. On one hand the racket protests, complains about a feeling. On the other hand, in the invisible, every action is taken to bring that feeling to being…

Let’s look at abuse: the abused person complains, protests, and yet, her behavior leads to more abuse… If you are aware enough, you can hear the racket chuckle… a self-satisfied chuckle. I did it again…

I used to have an ‘I am not wanted’ racket. I would go to a group, and behave like an ass… and get thrown out. Violate the rules, offend the leader, bring attention to myself. I would, on the visible side, lick my wounds, but underneath the construct the racket (ego?) is happy: it has proven itself right.

I have a client who has ‘my husband doesn’t like me’ racket. She is brusque, purposeful, always in a hurry, talks too much… If I were her husband, I’d wear ear plugs. And she brings the same behavior to every interaction… ugh.

I have a client who has ‘I have to do everything myself’ racket. And she does. Everything. Herself. Lately she has decided that she needs to fix the shortcomings of public education by becoming a teacher herself.

It is actually funny for another to watch you run your racket… Tragicomic…

You cannot get rid of rackets. They are hardwired. But you can manage them if you are really aware, and really recognize, accurately, the inner dynamic.

The same is with feelings. Knowing them, recognizing them accurately, hands you the levers and the dials of you life: you can move to the driver’s seat in your life and drive it to where you get the most out of living.

And when you do that, when most people do that, wars will end, the abuse of the planet will end, the discord will end, because they are all the result of misguided, unaware, stuck energy in people who think themselves smart.

I teach emotional intelligence in all my programs. It’s not always the emphasis, but it is always the vehicle.

You can ease into it by buying my Playground recordings… instead of coming to a live course… Once you get ‘wet’… and if you like it, of course, then you can upgrade by joining a Playground group. It is always a group…

Go here and check it out, and buy the recordings…

Neal Stephenson's Interface is eerily real todayOr if you are not willing to do that much work, then read the Neal Stephenson novel, Interface. You’ll see how feelings can be manipulated and make one do someone else’s bidding… Really good book. You’ll love it. I have online versions of it in the paid subscribers’ area. $3 lifetime… unless you unsubscribe from my mailing list. Then I remove you.

Nothing is more important to you, at this time, than to get words around feelings.

Your vocabulary is pitiful…

With a larger vocabulary I can teach you. but teaching you the vocabulary? You are asking too much. You may consider carrying some of the ‘burden’ yourself.

Get your Starting Point Measurements
emotional, emotions Feelings and emotions are not the same. Feelings come from your body, and they are need based. Emotions are your reactions to those feelings. Emotions are largely symbol based, word based.
intelligence The ability to tell one thing, accurately from another, to be astute. This is the basis of intelligence. Another component of intelligence is to have enough tools to operate effectively in the world, based on the accurate information. The IQ tests do not measure intelligence, they measure a relative number compared to the average test measure… therefore what a number means changes from time period to the next. At this time the average intelligence is 80% of what it was 10 years ago. Emotional intelligence, due to the internet, and the media bias, has dropped even more.
emotional intelligence Counter to popular concepts, emotional intelligence is being able to see, accurately, what the emotions, the feelings say, and then handle them in a way that they are helpful, and don’t guide you astray, away from what you want your life to be.

The path to increase your emotional intelligence is to learn the inner dynamics of feelings, the hierarchy of need based feelings, and the effective cognitive relationship to it all. Reading, studying the book ‘Feelings’ and the book ‘Words’ by Gyozo Margoczi are the first steps  in this process

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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