I have been guided, for some five weeks, to see something… It had sadness, it had grief, it had regret… but I didn’t quite know what to look for. So I watched the same movies over and over again, until this morning when I finally saw it.
You see, regret is seeing that certain actions are not reversible. Apologizing for something that you did, doesn’t take you back to innocence, doesn’t restore trust, doesn’t restore love betrayed.
I was trying to find anything to regret in my life. And although I have done a lot of things I’d rather not have on my conscience, I have no regrets.
How come? Because I am almost exactly where I’d like to be. I am at the right place, and I am loving where I am, and the part that I don’t love, I can see that they are temporary and I can get beyond them.
OK, then when why am I guided to these movies of regret and sadness and grief?
Or movies where some bad outcome could be reversed by going back in time and repair it, like in the movie, The Lake House? It is boggling the mind… until this morning, when I discovered…
I discovered that unless where you want to be, you are plagued with a lot of regrets. When you look back, you can see turning points when you made the wrong turns, and your life turned out to be the way it turned out to be.
Time travel is not real, and you can’t go back in time to take a different path, so today turns out different. So what can you do? What is the secret of a fulfilled life in spite of all the wrong turns, in spite of all the mistakes, in spite of all the bad things that you did, bad things you endured?
If my life is any indication, if you can love your life now, if you can see that your life is getting better, then all the regrets of the past disappear.
The question is, whether you can love your life carrying all those regrets?
Muscletest says “no”, so let’s look what you can do with your regrets to liberate your capacity to love your life?
The thing that you’ll find in all regrets, whether you were at fault or not, is that they are loaded with “because.”
There are reasons, explanations, excuses, a whole world of powerlessness. That powerlessness is an illusion. You may have had no power in some aspects of what was happening, but you did have power in others.
There were people in Nazi concentration camps that didn’t lose their humanity, and came through loving life, loving people. What was done to these people was the exact same thing: starving, humiliation, de-humanization, beatings, forced labor. But they took responsibility, they caused a part of what was happening that they had power over: their attitude.
Most of us walk around suffering, or being upset about stuff being done to us. It is something you are never quite done with, at any phase of your evolution you will have to go through the same steps: experiencing powerlessness and victimization, suffering, recognizing, owning, and freedom.
We are all born with the same machinery. Some of us recognize it as machinery and go beyond it. Most of humanity won’t or can’t.
I saw, this morning, that my job is to experience my parents’ regrets. Experience that in the face of regrets that were irreversible, suffering abuse and causing abuse all their lives, they could not have a life they loved.
When my mother, 3 years before she died, asked me if she was a horrible mother, I had a glimpse at her immense suffering, I had a glimpse that I could have had compassion, but I was still too busy with my life.
My life was still about my life, and that prevented me from being compassionate to my mother.
I now have a chance to appreciate what life was like for her, and by proxy, release her form the guilt and regret. And do, hopefully, for my father.
There is no greater gift than being able to this for another human being.
This is what the movies are guiding me to do.
Which activator will help you in this process, bringing responsibility to disappear guilt, shame, and regret?
Primarily the Responsibility activator. I am not sure it can take you all the way, but it is definitely a good start.
Sophie, this is a great article. I remember reading it when I first found your web few months ago but I couldn’t see what you were talking about. Now after yesterdays webinar this is so clear. Written for me… now I can put wheels on my regret machine and move on. Beautiful! Thank you.
Yes. This is a very helpful distinction. I’m so glad I asked this question. Thank you.
Julie, no one can do anything to you, therefore forgiveness, forgiving, etc. is a fraud playing at the hand of the Dark Side. Only second handers, moochers and looters, every think of what someone did to them, or what they did to others.
There is no need to forgive anything, my parents never did anything to me, although they did some horrible things, but they didn’t do it to me.
As long as I thought I needed to forgive them, I was a victim, and they had all the power.
When I finally took responsibility for whatever I could find that belonged to me, my point of view, my attitude, my actions, my mindset, my internal dialog, I set myself and them free.
That is when you become available to have compassion.
I hope this answers your question. Does it?
This is a beautiful post to me. I am curious how what you are seeing with regards to your parents – how does this relate to forgiveness?