I considered it guidance, and I got back to bed.
What came next was amazing: trips down memory lane, all centering around mental illness, mental stability, your TLB, and what was in common among the many people I remember so clearly, people I spent time with in mental institutions.
As an empath, other people’s feelings, emotions tend to tug at me. today 99% of what I feel is not mine… But before I became conscious, before I started to climb the consciousness tree, 30% of the feelings I felt were mine. I also had a lot more noise in my head… all talking at the same time.
The only reason I know, with 20/20 hindsight, that I was hospitalized not for what I felt, is that none of the medication worked… I wasn’t the person who was crazy, I just felt the craziness of others.
My theory of mental illness has always been that it is an escape… a hiding place.
I only fainted twice in my life. Faint, as in losing consciousness… And of course I slept many times more… that is also losing consciousness.
I fainted when I was raped at age 3 and a half. And I fainted when my ovary burst open. Both times the brain decided that experiencing the pain was not of any benefit, so it shut down the consciousness.
Since then I learned, little by little, to become the eye of the storm. To be that… To be the place where nothing is happening. Utter peace and silence.
It is not that I can’t hear the storm, or that I don’t see the storm, or even that I can’t hear the voices: I have, through constant observation, distinguished that none of it is me…
Whereas the people who were in those wards, were considering everything they heard in their head, whatever their IT said, saying things and the opposite, they considered it something they could not escape.
Some people have more skills in “doing it”, than others.
I am learning to recognize the talent.
I have a few unusual pen-pals (I call them pen-pals because they aren’t students per-se, even though they did buy some products, read my articles, but our relationship is not father-child, it is more like i am their confidant).
Here is an example of the two types of presentation:
1. the voice in my head says that you are crazy… and I am crazy to listen to you
2. I kind of feel like it may be a good idea to trust you.
When you have the mental habit of missing completely what is said, and you only remember the meaning you gave it, you are the talking-about type, and you are going to have a hard time doing the Amish Horse Training Method.
Why? Because as you hear it, you immediately switch to the interpretation, the meaning, the “therefore”, which means: you considered listening to the voice, and you considered it actionable…
Your life is a puppet’s on a string… and until you listen and not interpret, you’ll remain a puppet.
The missing capacity, by the way, is humility.
In humility you listen fully, or not listen fully… but don’t push your interpretation and meaning to replace what is said.
When you have a conversation, I can feel you having a private conversation about it in your head… you are not in a conversation with the other… you are really not present.
Do I have an exercise for you to liberate yourself from the second conversation? Yes and no…
I once had a friend/client who complained that no one wanted to hear what he had to say.
It’s wicked difficult if you are the “talking about” type of listener. But you can give it a shot. He did and he improved his experience with others… by a lot.
Is this how I listen?
I listen as an immersion exercise: I immerse myself and I get wet.
I am fully with what you are saying, and I don’t think about it at all. I am there with you. It is very physical for me. I get what you say, I get what you are not saying, I get it… Nothing “about” in it for me. But I admit, I have a harder time to be there with you when you are the “talking about” type, because even YOU are not where you say you are… you are outside, looking in.
You are withholding reality, and dump on me your limited perspective of the human mind opinion… as the truth.
Now, when all my mental resources are used to imagine what you are not saying… I have hardly any resource remaining to coach you.
And even if I did… your map of reality (your interpretation) is so removed from reality, that hardly any coaching would work.
So what should you do if you are one of these “talking about” lacking humility types?
Practice, practice, practice. First in writing.
He said: “whatever”
She said: “whatever”
It said: “whatever”
It will be painful at first, because your huge ego will feel neglected, and pushed to the background.
But if you do it enough, you may be able to be one who can raise your vibration, because you’ll be able to do the Amish Horse Training Method effectively.
And suddenly you won’t be a lot like my mental ward friends…
No insult is intended. if you are insulted then you have already interpreted what I said…
Because humans are meaning making machines.
Human beings aren’t.
PS: Reading is one of the practices that can cause the biggest changes in your life… but you need to read the same way I listen to you: no commentary, no meaning, no private conversation.
Why? because instead of the book, you are left with, always, what you said about what you read…
Reading is one way you can change from “talking-about” person with little overlap between your map of reality and reality, or someone who is astute: you see what is there… no commentary.
Another practice is how you listen to the step in the 67 steps… are you staying with it? Or are you in your own conversation, because what you have to say about it is more important than the step?
Just notice. And then gently change how you listen, how you read…
Your life depends on it.