What can raise your vibration? The mirror effect
In this article, we'll need to distinguish three things:
1. what are intrinsic values
2. what you complain about others shows something fundamental about you
3. what you are, you attract
What are intrinsic values?
Intrinsic values (I use this as an ethical term) are the many qualities, capacities and feelings one would strive for, although they do not produce or provide anything tangible and fly in the face of self-interest.
What do I mean by that? Let's approach it from the usefulness perspective.
Is being generous, forgiving, unconditionally loving in your self interest? Is it useful? Is it producing any tangible value in the physical realm?
Self interest is looking for looking good, being right, and avoiding responsibility, and none of those traits, practiced in their purity are going to make you look good, though you can pretend to be any of the above and look really really good.
But being generous of heart cannot be really pretended, can it?
So, we see that possessing intrinsic values don't make you look good, and we'll see that they don't work like a tool either: when you use intrinsic values like a tool, it is pretending, and become something else.
Being generous is an intrinsic value, but watch out, the next time you use generous as a tool, it will lose its intrinsic value qualities in that it isn't being generous.
Intrinsic value is a value for its own sake only. Generous is being generous for its own sake. Not for some benefit in the present or in the future. Not even the good feelings it gives you about yourself.
So, these intrinsic ways of being used as a tool, become not those values... they become extrinsic values.
What are extrinsic values? Extrinsic values are useful qualities of things, people, and events. Useful for you.
They can be measured, enjoyed, consumed, bought and sold.
Favors, food, sex, beautiful things... these are extrinsic values. Other people's opinion of you, that's an extrinsic value. Even your own opinion of you is and extrinsic value.
They are not part of the intrinsic value diamond. Attaining or providing them do not raise your vibration. Their benefits are passing, momentary, fleeting.
But elevating yourself to giving for no selfish reason, forgiving for no selfish reason, etc. do elevate your vibration and have a lasting effect.
What you complain about others shows something fundamental about you
In my raise-your-vibration coaching I meet a phenomenon with almost every client: they have a complaint about others that when you scratch the surface, you find that they are the same way.
Here is the following example: Mariann is a housewife. Her husband, from time to time, talks to her harshly. Not often. She stands up for herself, and says: "Do not talk to me like that in my house!" What she says to me about that incident is that in that moment her husband was not valuing her.
I hear an interesting thing in that sentence: "in my house"
I poke around and find out that she believes that it's ok to talk to her harshly outside of the house. Hm.
Then I find out that she doesn't value herself. In a superficial, argumentative way, she does. As a complaint, yes, she does in spades. But in her heart, no.
Then in further questioning she doesn't value what her husband does in his work, around the house, etc...
So value recognizing aka appreciation is missing both ways.
I don't know what happened. I don't know the "original" story. I know it came from her childhood. Nevertheless I can provide the missing capacity, and she becomes teary eyed and her vibration is ready to go up... on condition that her actions will be in sync with this new value.
What you are, you attract
In another client's case it is easier to see what happens: this started 13 years ago, I guess, we have been working together for 17 years, so I see how it has evolved over the years.
His complaint was that people interrupt him while he speaks.
I suggested that he invents a game in which he would listen to everyone so intensely that he would be able to repeat everything they said, verbatim, in the last 30 seconds. That's a few sentences, if you are guessing.
Something really remarkable happened:
1. He found out that he hadn't been listening
2. People stopped interrupting him while he spoke.
3. He is now famous for his ability to listen, and he enjoys being with people. When he speaks, people listen.
This is a great exercise, and I recommend it to everyone.
If you can't repeat what other people said, you were listening to your opinion about what they said, and didn't hear a word.
Sometimes people just want to be heard. In a listening like that most troubles disappear and will never surface again.
Because what's underneath is a profound respect, a regard, for who people are. Valuing them on an intrinsic level. The intrinsic values.