This is what I learned:
You are not retaining any of the insights, any of the knowledge you read. And because my site, my programs need you to retain what you were taught, my programs, with you, are wholly ineffective.
I already saw this when I was in Landmark programs: I saw that even seminar leaders don't retain the knowledge, the coaching, they get.
Change is not enough. We must evolve... evolution is irreversible
Every new seminar they start from zero, or near zero.
I retain everything. But what is the difference between them and me, you and me? Am I superior? Am I special?
So solving this puzzle has been the biggest mountain to climb for me.
It is not that I am smarter. it is not that.
I got the clue from Atlas Shrugged... I knew I had a reason to read it again (third time) I just didn't know what it was.
One of the main characters, Rearden, realizes that he had been two people with two moral world views: his person at work, where he took pride in his ability to create with his ability to think, and in the area of his body, sex, where he didn't. He considered it a sin.
Now, I don't know where you are split, but I know that you are.
How, what? What are you talking about?
You are one person, one set of values when you read my articles, or do my programs. Then the next moment you move to a different person with a different set of values. No connection, nothing is left from the person, from the values, from what is important to you from the previous "place"... no continuity.
I am talking to you. I am not talking about other people, I am talking about you.
You have always been split.
You have never had a Self, you have never had a core, you have never had any authenticity.
You are a chameleon, but worse than that. The chameleon only changes its color, you change your whole value system.
Until and unless you become one, you are stuck at the level of your lowest self, the lowest vibration.
It's not a character issue, although it could be. I think it is an integration issue.
And, between you and me, I don't care which "persona" you pick to be the you everywhere, just pick one.
Pick the lowest, once it is unified, and authentic, you can start growing in earnest.
So how do you pick? Pick the persona that you are most of the time. The bum, the lazy one, the criminal, the weak one, the stupid one, the pleasure seeker... and stop pretending that you are anything else than that.
Unify yourself, integrate yourself around that persona.
It's ugly, but it needs to get done. Because what excuses you from integrity is that you can pretend, that you are X, while most of the time you are Y.
Of course if you have a TLB 1 in your measurements, you won't do it. So this is not for you. You will just keep pretending and be wretched at the same time.
But those of you who are willing to take on to unify yourself around something that is easy, your lowest, you'll start to see, that unless you have a firm starting point, unless you are the same bum, thief, sniveling creature everywhere, you cannot carry over new knowledge.
- If you are married, your lowest is who you are in that marriage. 1
- If you live with your parents, your lowest is who you are that mooches on your parents.
- If you have a job you hate, and you think you are worth more... your lowest is who you are at that job.
You are like water. Just because you have spots where you boil... the water that you are is not boiling... and will never boil, unless you accept that you are one.
I don't know who the f... said "we are one"...
We are not one, and we don't need to be. But you are not one... and if you want to become a human being, you need to become one.
The level of inauthenticity is indicator of the level of "schizophrenia"... the level of split.
How you do anything is how you do everything is true, because it is the you that is in common. Because, between you and me, you can only pretend to a degree. If you are sloppy, sweep only where people can see it, you'll do it in your work, in your work with me, in the way you read, in the way you make love, in the way you drive.
And you know it.
The level of misery is an indicator of your inauthenticity... the level of your need to pretend.
Werner Erhard says that you can only be authentic about your inauthenticity.
What does that mean? That only in the moment that you can say: I am pretending to be X while I am really Y. Meaning that you are always pretending, but you are pretending that you are NOT pretending.
When you need to confront me, and tell me the things about yourself that you don't like, your slothfulness, or your complacency, or your anger, you are pretending doing that. As if it didn't constitute who you are. It does. And unless you own it, fully, THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
You only have power over what belongs to you. But in your "confession" to me, you are disowning those things... and thus, you are stuck. Stuck being slothful, complacent, or angry.
There are only a few people who are somewhat willing to own what is the lowest in them. How do I know? They actually retain some of the knowledge, some of the growth, some of the capacities I turned on.
Now... do I have areas like that?
Yes. At this point I have one person with whom I am motivated by fear... And I have one habit I consider low: eating to treat feeling bad... feeling YOUR wretched feelings I must feel.
I am willing to own both.
Now, what do you need to own your lowest?
But the abyss has been there all along. You've been living a life of avoiding the abyss... that is the cause of your misery, not what you claim is... not having what you want. No, it is the avoidance of your own ugliness, your real agenda, your real self.
The second thing you need is to know that the moment you own it, the moment you tell the truth about who you've been, you have a chance to not be that.
Your life is used by the effort to avoid being seen for who you are. That is like a concern around which you dance.
Imagine your left foot being nailed to the floor. How far can you go? Can your life be about anything other than that nail? No, right?
So the moment you own that ugliness, the nail comes out.
Complaining about it, speaking of it as a force of nature, speaking about it as if it were happening to you, is not owning it.
That is what you have been doing! And it made no difference.
I know it sounds counter intuitive, but what "they" are teaching you are ways to be a slave...
And that is who you have been: a slave.
- Your marriage is based on pretense, his and yours, or hers and yours