A telltale sign that you are self-referential. Is that the main cause of your misery?


“Admire as much as you can. Most people do not admire enough.”
– Vincent van Gogh

Admiring people who are worthy of our admiration doesn’t cost us anything. Same with admiring animals and plants and natural phenomena: no pain involved. Same with admiring great accomplishments by our fellow humans: no agony or agitation required.

I have said it before: being able to admire, to being in awe is one of the most uplifting and purifying experiences. Now you know who you are, in relation to that which you admire, and you know where you are going.

The above is a quote from Rob Brezsny’s newsletter. Of course Rob Brezsny is a “wearing pink color glasses” type of person, who refuses to see shadows. So here are the shadows that get revealed when you attempt to admire someone:

One of the signs of a fragile “I” the ego 1 that is mostly built on lies (to yourself) and quicksand, is the inability to admire, the inability to enter the state of Awe.

Why? Because anything magnificent feels like an affront to your pride.

Because everything is about you, your “to what degree you think of yourself” is high. You refer everything to yourself, this is what is called self-referential, everything anyone says or does is about you.

Lots of reason to put people down.

In the comparison you seem larger.

But it is all based on a lie, and you are kidding yourself.

People try to say it is self-centeredness, but although that sounds bad, and ugly, and taking sides, and blaming… self-referential is a better word.

It says that you live as if everything has something to say about you. And if you seek you find… lol.

Is that a healthy way to look at the world?

No. Why? Because it doesn’t allow the world, other people, things just say what they want to say.

If you did a mental experiment and took yourself out of life. With everything remaining the same, people, things saying what they are saying… Would you be able to see that none of it has anything to do with you?

Even when they talk about you, or even TO you, none of it has anything to do with you.

It has everything to do with the speaker, or the thing.

I had an interaction yesterday with an ex coaching client. A process where in spite of all my efforts, there were no results. None. Zilch.

I said in an article yesterday that I am going to buy calf’s brain, labeled as Sweetbread in my supermarket (Wegmans).

He promptly sent me to a page on Wikipedia, that says the sweetbread means any of the offals, internal organs of an animal.

calf's brain to eatHm, I didn’t know that… I call brain brain, kidney kidney, because I have no problem eating the insides of an animal.

I remember when I was in France, and bought sliced cow’s heart to cook, and my host was mortified. He would never eat the heart of a cow.

We are all from different cultures, cultural conversations, obviously my culture is to call a spade a spade… and not sweetbread… lol.

Later he clarified: he didn’t want me to eat Pancreas, thinking it’s brain…

Now, why am I writing this here? Because he was someone who could not get coached because he has this sensitive pride he needs to protect at all cost.

If he manages to put me down, declare me incompetent to recognize the different parts of an animal, then he is better than me, or at least equal, and then he doesn’t have to listen to me, learn from me, take what I say seriously. 2

Killing off anyone you could admire to fatten your ego? Awe is the opposite of that. Admiration is the opposite of that.

That’s why it’s rare.

No one to admire? Good. Then you must be really good. Special. Deserving. As deserving as anyone and more.

Without ever earning it.

Subscribe to blog notifications.
You'll get a digest email every Sunday... you can email me to upgrade to daily.


  1. delusional self
  2. He never followed the food list or the supplement list I measured for him. His health number is 7%, and his cell hydration number is 10%. A person who follows my recommendations would have at least 30%/30%. But now we know why he doesn’t follow. Why he never managed to get from a to b… Because it would violate his precious pride to listen to anyone but himself.

    I am now reading a book about the banking system’s collapse in many countries a decade ago. The author talks at length about the inner world of the males of those countries… fascinating.

    helps me understanding some of you…

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.