Reframing: State change: Changing your emotional state


Frame: state change. Causing yourself or another to change their emotional state, aka attitude.

The myth of "IS"

One of the invisible tools the memes use, the memes that keep us trapped and unable to take control of our lives is to spew "is" on us.

OK, that was a long sentence. let me see if I can reword it. The memes freeze us into a life where we have no power. It is in the wording. The freezing power comes from the wording.

We have spoken about the having to, needing to, wanting to, and should... these are a group of tools the memes use to rob us of our own power, and render us puppets.

The tool that renders us powerless to change is the improper use of "is".

  • Whenever you feel you need to change, this meme tool is at work.
  • Whenever you point a blaming finger at yourself, at the world, or at others, this meme tool is at work.
  • It is under learned helplessness. It is under resignation, cynicism, and unless you learn to recognize it, you'll fight it... like Don Quixote was fighting the windmills. No chance to win.

So what about this "is" that is so harmful?

The problem with it is that it is a lie.

The sky changes all the time, the weather, the plants, your mood... the market, the political situation... all change.

And yet we use the word "IS" at all of them, incorrectly.

We don't even have a word to say that something is momentarily one way, or in a phase, or going through a phase... that would really indicate that everything is changing, everything is always changing.

Including you.

You watch an actor on stage and track his mood-changes, attitude changes, and wonder how he can do that.

I occasionally experiment with that... and my experience is that when you choose to freeze a mood, you freeze life... big chunks of it fall out of existence, you don't even remember.

YOU were dead while the mood was frozen by you.

You are only alive when there is flow, when mood changes, attitude changes are allowed.

I learned this in a business class. Actually I learned most of the useful for life things in business class.

Just like the guy who taught me the most useful for health things learned it when he was a veterinarian.

  • Business needs you to have more tools than "normal" people, so they teach you.
  • And helping people to be well, to get well, needs someone to have more tools than medical doctors... grr.

The principle I learned that belongs here is this:

People are always in a state. In a state of being. A state of being is an attitude. A mood. And because that is not who they are, i.e. it is not physical reality, they can be shifted out of it, into another state.

There are moves to shift someone to a different state of being, more conducive to doing business, more agreeable.

The class I learned this in was training people to be trainers.

The knowledge of this: people are always in a state of being that they can be shifted out of, has been a lifesaver.

It's not even that difficult.

It is useful outside of business as well, with your coworker, with your mother, with your wife, with your children.

Most people create the unworkable situations in life by their own states of being.

So teaching people to shift out of the state of being they are in would make the most difference for life.

You have a tendency to be in one state of being or another... your starting point measurements and your soul correction predict your tendency.

But that is not who you are!

I have tendencies, but I catch them. Because I have "unsubscribed" from the memes "you are stupid" or "you are brilliant, obnoxious, undisciplined, amoral, etc. etc." that I could have remained hooked on, and have a life of suffering, I now have a life of ease, grace, and power.

Power over myself, and power over most situations.

I am not a state change wizard... But I aspire to be one.

There are a few people I haven't been able to shift out of their stuck state... They used to be students. Unless I can shift them out of their angry, self-centered, blaming me state, I cannot teach them effectively, so they are gone.

One could say: it takes two to tango, but I prefer to say: I probably wasn't very effective at shifting MYSELF out of a state... More power in saying that than in blaming them.

There is no TRUTH... even what seems to be truth looks different from different vantage points. And "truth" that gives you power is preferable over "truth" that makes you right, makes you look good, but leaves you victim.

I was never taught how to do this shifting out of a state of being: I learned it through observing... and being an empath.

I observed, mostly, Werner Erhard doing it, live or on videos. I observed, felt it, and learned it.

I could feel when the "ground of being" shifted. There may be many layers built on that ground, and all those layers move with the thin layer of the state of being that can be shifted.

I have also experienced it on myself... oftentimes, when I interacted with a person, like a Forum Leader or a Seminar Leader.

I am more self-aware than most, and I have more distinctions than most...

I have never taught state change before. I have never seen this being taught, outside of trainer training.

I will do some research after I finish this article, and see if it is taught anywhere by anyone.

But because I have started to train my marketing/business student on this, I'll share some things I have taught him, to get you started.

My experience has been, that you can shift people's state of being on many levels.

State of being is like a layer-cake. Or like a pack of cards. Layered.

Depending on what level you shift them (or yourself) the result can be dramatic or not, lasting or not.

  • You can tell a joke, and an angry person may crack a smile... but return to frowning soon after.
  • You can give a candy to a young child and he'll forgot why he was crying
  • You can tell yourself you should be grateful, and look up, and feel grateful for a moment or two, but then go back to bemoaning your miserable life soon after.

The bottom layer is where you want to shift.

To do anything well, you need to know where it is at. A is A requires you to be able diagnose A.

I had that experience yesterday with my Tuesday exercise classmate... We talk after the class, and it's been always a shoving match of sorts. Very challenging. Butterknife and rock... Instead of cutting knife and butter...

Yesterday the conversation was about frames... what frame you look at things with, and the skill to shift frames.

She didn't buy any of the things I said, and I called her out on it: that she was rigid. She looked at me surprised, and said that she saw me rigid.

The clarity was unmistakable: her bottom layer was a state of being, an attitude of rigid right/wrong attitude. Maybe useful for a CPA, but very not useful for having a conversation with me... lol.

I haven't been, and probably won't be able to shift her out of being rigid.

Some cultures, I say, have their own specific layer of being in life that is a defining feature of that culture. Her ancestral culture has rigid right/wrong as their bottom, defining layer of self-identification as part of an ethnic group.

Maybe I can become a wizard, maybe not, but knowing what you can do or cannot do is the difference between beating your head into the brick wall or walking through the door...

OK, if this didn't make sense, I am planning on doing training webinars on this... but first I'll write some articles, to clarify my own thinking.

Still yesterday, on my call with my marketing client, I started with this topic, state change.

In marketing, people who come to your stuff are in a state of mind that is not very conducive to them being interested, or happy to see your message. They don't want to be sold. They want to do what they want to do, and then leave.

It is YOUR (my) JOB, the marketer, to shift them into a more receptive state.

But first you need to shift yourself into a state that is more interested in them than in yourself and in what YOU want.

But the first step, identifying in what state you are in is hard for you, hard for most people.

You are short on self-awareness, but more importantly, you don't have the vocabulary.

States of being have the same vehicle as memes: they are created by words, with words.

If you don't have the words, of if you have too few words, you won't be able to shift out of a being, out of a state.

Certain popular teachers list as many as twenty states you could be in.

There are thousands...

My 67 steps coaching increases your vocabulary, actually quadruples it. Is it the audios that do it? Some of it, yes. But most of it is in the coaching, in the reading of books.

My current vocabulary is 3500. It's only doubled. Because I already had a large and rich vocabulary.

For a person for whom "everything is the same as everything else, except that not always" quadrupling is the goal.

Because unless you are precise and exact with your "diagnosis" of what state you are in, shifting out of it will not happen.

Just like the 20-state list lady is producing few shifts for her clients.

So how do you increase your vocabulary, other than the 67 steps coaching?

Reading is a wonderful tool.

Asking the question and then writing the answer down, so you have a growing list: what state am I in now (attitude, mood), what state is the person I am looking at is.

My marketing client emailed me with a question today:

When you are stressed and get angry at the kids because they don't do things as you want them and they defy to do it their way even if they are not allowed (Like my youngest wanting to bring his big tractor to kindergarten and they don't allow it). What state am I in? What is the word? Fury? Anger?

My answer went to the bottom layer:

impotent anger, helpless anger. the undertone you need to shift out of, not the anger.

That is the key to innovating yourself out of the situation, shifting out of the helplessness, the impotence.

We are all victims of learned helplessness...

that little bit took him a lot further in learning new things about states... he answered

I think I got it. Of course! I am being helpless and impotent.

It’s the helplessness that’s is the cause and the anger is just the effect. Am I right?

Almost... the wording is still imprecise... It is layered, remember? 1 So the bottom layer is helplessness. And the anger is a layer above it. There are always many layers.

And there is always a bottom layer. For many minorities that bottom layer is "learned helplessness".

In my view education shifts a community out of helplessness.

This is what happened in Scotland "How the Scots Invented the Modern World: The True Story of How Western Europe's Poorest Nation Created Our World and Everything in It" 2

So how did the Scots do it? Simple, ingenious, and rare. They created free public libraries in every community that had a church in it.

And the people started to read. Learn to read. Expand their views.

The rest is history. Never repeated, but could be.

Societies where people read, where kids read, rise out of learned helplessness.

Societies where only a few people read, or people read "the truth" book only, don't grow, and don't rise out of learned helplessness.

Catholic countries, orthodox Jewry, many Islamic communities... they remain helpless. And rigid...

Of course individuals may rise out of their community's level, but it takes more work, than if the tide lifts all boats...

The entire business of my client is to lift all boats with education. I admire his ambition.

PS: I am doing some research now, as I am looking for pictures for this article. It seems that "emotional state change" brings up a lot of results... not very deep, not very effective, but methodologies exist. 3


  1. I didn't see layered when I taught this yesterday... so he had never heard the expression "layered"...
  2. An exciting account of the origins of the modern world

    Who formed the first literate society? Who invented our modern ideas of democracy and free market capitalism? The Scots. As historian and author Arthur Herman reveals, in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries Scotland made crucial contributions to science, philosophy, literature, education, medicine, commerce, and politics—contributions that have formed and nurtured the modern West ever since.

    Herman has charted a fascinating journey across the centuries of Scottish history. Here is the untold story of how John Knox and the Church of Scotland laid the foundation for our modern idea of democracy; how the Scottish Enlightenment helped to inspire both the American Revolution and the U.S. Constitution; and how thousands of Scottish immigrants left their homes to create the American frontier, the Australian outback, and the British Empire in India and Hong Kong.

    How the Scots Invented the Modern World reveals how Scottish genius for creating the basic ideas and institutions of modern life stamped the lives of a series of remarkable historical figures, from James Watt and Adam Smith to Andrew Carnegie and Arthur Conan Doyle, and how Scottish heroes continue to inspire our contemporary culture, from William “Braveheart” Wallace to James Bond.

    And no one who takes this incredible historical trek will ever view the Scots—or the modern West—in the same way again.

  3. Here are some additional search queries that work
    • Mental Patterns – Emotional Mastery (Series)
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    • How To Master Your Emotions: The 6 Steps To Emotional Mastery
    • Almost Instant State Change | Mindbridge NLP Coach Certification Trainings
    • Emotional Management - How to Control your State of Mind - Handbook of Success
    • How to Change Your Emotional State - CBS News
    • 5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control | Psychology Today
    • Change Your Emotional State by Changing Your Body Language | Balanced Achievement
    • How To Control Your Emotional State – Return Of Kings
    • Mental Patterns – Emotional Mastery (Series)
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    • -Psychology Today
    • -The Connection Between our Minds and Bodies

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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