What is an adult, what is a child… and does your ego-state (Child, Parent, Adult) influence how much money you have, how much love you have, how healthy you are? 1
In the starting point measurements I measure (#19) To what degree you have access to your adult capacities. 2 or asked in another way, how much does your adult run your life? The more adult the more results…
And how much is the child running your life, how much is it running your life to the ground?
In this article I am going to look at what prevents you from being well, being independent, producing results, being an adult… And what can you do to change that. 3
We can never firmly say that a person is already an adult, or not in the moment. For whatever reason we, humans tend to move our functional self, or ego state, depending on the situation, from Child to Adult to Parent in any order without any conscious awareness.
So when I am looking at a person, when I want to find out to what degree he is able to enter into adult state, I am going to be interested in what percentage of the time and to what degree he has developed an adult ego-state, and what he can do when in that state.
In my experience, a child lacks the powers of discernment. Also a child cannot see that not everything is about them, or even related to them. Depending on the soul correction, you spend more or less time in dysfunctional, unhealthy, confused behaviors.
We could say that an adult can see the world as it is.
It can tell what is his job and what is now and what is past. It can tell if something has anything to do with them or not. The person in adult state has a larger clarity where words mean what they stand for… and the level of delusion, wishful thinking, and insistence is minimal or none.
As I am gearing up to do the Playground process, I see that the most important function of that workshop will be to increase the degree to which you are able to function in adult state, and decrease the time where you are a dysfunctional, confused, stuck, delusional, threatened child.
Here are a few examples of dysfunctional child running the life of a grown person, including my own:
Case study 1: the child is a girl. She has several sisters. They all seem to get more attention from the mother. Attention is the currency of love for a child: you get attention: you’ll survive. You are ignored: you’ll die.
She decides, from the limited perspective of a child’s view, that she needs to grow prettier to get more attention. In addition: her soul correction is the greedy Circuitry…
Circuitry is a hoarder. Never satisfied with what they get because it is never enough. Because what they never wanted will never fulfill what they really want. They live in perpetual hunger…
Pretty doesn’t bring attention… attention is an economy, currency: you give me one stroke and I give you one stroke…
The problem is that adult capacities are needed to determine and see clearly what they need, so they can go for it. In the vagueness of their desires they can’t and won’t get that clarity… but then again, being a dysfunctional child is where they feel at home… so when the danger comes of getting what they need, they quit.
What can I do? We shall see.
Case study 2: I grew up in high drama. Was it really? I can’t tell… but I only got attention if there was something wrong with me… meaning if i did something wrong.
As I said, the thing a child wants more than anything is attention. Achievements didn’t get any attention for me. Being well, doing good… none of it. So I misbehaved.
Today I am noticing that the child still craves attention for misbehaving… and nearly all my errors come from that. Not paying attention, not looking before i leap, not following process.
There is no parent, and yet the dysfunctional child is acting out.
Loner, caring only about herself… but only to the degree that no one else benefits. Not the world, not anyone.
The story never changes. It is a string of betrayals, suffering, not having enough. Punishing the whole world for her misfortune?
Almost all case studies involve a parent who is harsh. Maybe well-meaning in a fatherly way. But the child takes the harshness that is so different from mother’s permissiveness, and takes it as criticism, devaluation.
Depending on the soul correction the child will learn skills or not… but is expecting harshness, and criticism to come to him from every angle.
Life is a battle ground, arguments, guilt is ready to pop up any moment.
I have two brothers. The older one, the first born, soul correction: Reveal the Dark Side within. Smart, judgmental, lazy. Expects to be judged, slighted, so he uses “I am offended” as a preventive measure.
The younger one’s soul correction is “Sexual Energy” and he is unconcerned about intellectual activities: he is all about what’s physical. He is good with his hands, and he is good with numbers.
He feels entitled for a living… delusional about his contribution. And pissed that his is not valued higher.
Learning anything new? reading? Forget about it.
Ready to fight for what he thinks is his… Yours? Not his problem…
OK. So what is your work about?
You want to become an adult, or at least have access to the capacities that make an adult.
You need to know what is your dysfunctional child is doing to your life, and start re-educating your child.
I have done it. The Playground is the program where I do it, publicly, so you can benefit from other people’s child re-education.
The main tools are:
1. Changing perception by changing the starting point, the premise, the angle, the context.
2. Recognizing the rackets, the games, the scripts that you are unconsciously adhering to.
I have done plenty of programs that did a botched up job of these… or assumed that just seeing it once will make a lasting difference.
The results will depend on you, and you only.
What about you?
The most important number is your ambition number in your Starting Point Measurements.
It shows how much work and effort you are willing to invest to go from where you are to where your soul tells you to be.
I have no clue how to increase that number for you.
One way I see it can be increased is by reducing the gap between who you are really, and who you fancy yourself to be.
If you fancy yourself to be close to where the soul wants you to be… you won’t have much ambition.
You need to re-evaluate your mental capacities, your skills that produce value, your social skills that create relationships.
It’s quite frightening to find out that you are average or below average, if you lived your life entitled, and offended that your results don’t match your capabilities. They most likely match them perfectly.
If you are willing to do that work, “face the tiger”, then you will be able to increase your ambition to actually become who you can become.
If not… hell, no problem. I hope you won’t be in my Playground.
OK: what happens if you find out that you are actually average or below average?
If you can bring A is A to it, it is what it is, you can use it as a starting point. It’s an adult thing to do…
Now that you can see where you can grow, we can start working, and you can start growing. Until this point you were just giving lip service to growing.
You were polishing apples.
- One of the distinctions, fields: what field is this interaction which we learned about a year ago, is closely related to Transactional Analysis ego states… very educational…
- 1. your vibration (1-1000):
2. your overall intelligence, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, body, relationship, etc.:
3. the number of spiritual capacities you have:
4. your soul correction (your machine): https://www.yourvibration.com/sc
5. do you have attachments?
6. the level of your health (1-100):
7. the level of your cell hydration (1-100):
8. your relationship to feedback and instruction:
9. The level of discomfort you are willing to allow w/o trying to fix it. This is your TLB score…
10. The size of your vocabulary: the number of words you can use accurately:
11. To what degree you think of yourself:
12. # of fixed mindset:
15. Degree of inauthenticity overall:
16. Level of integrity 1-100:
17. how enslaved are you to memes? (what percentage of your life is run by memes?)
18. do you have a bridge between your precious “I” and your actual I? your level of delusion
19. To what degree you have access to your adult capacities %
- This is a direct quote from Eric Berne’s Games People Play, introducing what he calls “ego states”, Parent, Adult, and Child.
This we’ll consider, albeit I don’t call them ego states: it doesn’t fit with my observation of what ego is and isn’t… but I may change my mind eventually. At this point I am looking at these states through the filter of: how accurately they see the world, how many of the capacities they have are available, etc.
The position is, then, that at any given moment each individual in a social aggregation will exhibit a Parental, Adult or Child ego state, and that individuals can shift with varying degrees of readiness from one ego state to another.
- “That is your Parent” means: “You are now in the same state of mind as one of your parents (or a parental substitute) used to be, and you are responding as he would, with the same posture, gestures, vocabulary, feelings, etc.”
- “That is your Adult” means: “You have just made an autonomous, objective appraisal of the situation and are stating these thought-processes, or the problems you perceive, or the conclusions you have come to, in a non-prejudicial manner.”
- “That is your Child” means: “The manner and intent of your reaction is the same as it would have been when you were a very little boy or girl.” The implications are:
1. That every individual has had parents (or substitute parents) and that he carries within him a set of ego states that reproduce the ego states of those parents (as he perceived them), and that these parental ego states can be activated under certain circumstances. Colloquially: “Everyone carries his parents around inside of him.”
2. That every individual (including children, the mentally retarded and schizophrenics) is capable of objective data processing if the appropriate ego state can be activated. Colloquially: “Everyone has an Adult.”
3. That every individual was once younger than he is now, and that he carries within him fixated relics from earlier years which will be activated under certain circumstances. Colloquially: “Everyone carries a little boy or girl around inside of him.”