“Either everybody counts or nobody counts”

20 years ago I had my first entrepreneur value profile done.

It was some 30 pages long… a lot of English. But it said something like: I don’t work well through others…


A year or two later I got my certification to become a value profile consultant. Then I learned to see all that the 30 page said in English (meaning lots of words) at a glance on a grid.

My starting point measurements is a lot like that grid. It is more meant for the coach/consultant to know how to guide you, than for you to enjoy reading to indulge your delusional self.


So today, 20 years later, I looked at coaching, both as a client and as a provider.

I saw that I still don’t work well through another. This is why I like the kind of coaching I do: you do the work, and I nudge you. And, of course, I don’t have employees, not even a virtual assistant.

Now, this would be either useful or not… but suddenly I have a business coach.

One of the curses of being a true empath is that I feel what’s going on for the other… and my coach and myself are at odds.

He likes to tell people what to do, and get it done that way.

Parent to Child, if I am looking through the ego states in Transactional Analysis.

I alternate between independent/creative Child and Adult… and I am in no way an obedient Child that would work well with a Parent.

So I am rubbing him the wrong way.

If you are a parent: you know what I am talking about. If you are a child, or have been one, you may know what I am talking about.

So the question is: can this coaching work? And if not: is there anyone out there, who is not a “Parent” type of coach?

The ultimate question is this, I think: should you be different than you are? or said in another way: do you need to be FIXED?

I hear people smarter than myself suggesting that partnerships, marriages work best if you “marry” the person who has what you lack.

But what if the other person (or you) hang out in Parent (or Child) ego-state a lot that is all about forcing the other, instead of completing them?


I shared my new ability to fully see what someone is doing without judgment.

I clearly see what someone is doing… And because my favorite genre is cop procedural… I see a lot of incompetence, disloyalty, fraud, lying, taking sides, and, of course, violence.

So I have been sitting with this since yesterday. How do you be, when you are looking at clearly evil?

It’s the judge’s or the jury’s job to judge the crime. It is lawyers job to create and enforce laws that are just.

And it is my job to not judge…

But that doesn’t mean that from time to time I don’t cry… no sob.

My favorite detective is Henry Bosch. Why? Because he lives by an invented context: ‘Either everybody counts or nobody counts.’

It’s looking at life, at crime, at justice, at police work from the intrinsic level of value. Makes me, reliably, cry.

Maybe it’s the Jew in me… maybe this is why I voted “Human Rights Movement”… because that is who I am.

That is the wind I walk into.

When you live by “Either everybody counts or nobody counts” you know who you are. And you see what people are doing, but don’t judge. There is no room for personal judgment if “Either everybody counts or nobody counts”

Judgment says: I count more than you.

I don’t count more than you… that is quite a sobering thing to say… try it on. Knocks you out of your self-righteous mindset, doesn’t it?

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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