OK... maybe on a desert island this is not true... unless we consider that you for yourself is also a "people"... and unless you give it to you you won't have it.
And we are talking about both tangible and intangible wants. -->Click to read footnote 1
Yesterday I was pondering if I give myself respect... what the heck is respect anyway? lol
But in all seriousness, if you don't learn the art and science of how to get what you want through another, then you are going to experience a lot of lack. Oh, you already are? Then maybe I am talking to the right person!
OK... before I go on and give you the art and science... I'll tell you why I am giving it away for free.
For some people this teaching is worth a billion bucks. For others a million. And for most... not even the price of the zeros and ones it is written on.
The difference is not in the information: it is in the recipient. In you.
Make sure you are the billion dollar recipient... OK?
OK, the second thing I want to tell you before I dive deep into the art and science of getting what you want is why this is coming up just now.
I now have two "talking coaching" clients.
And both are dealing with the issue: how to create a relationship with customers, potential customers, that would make their lives beautiful, their money more plentiful, and be able to love themselves at the same time.
In some way, to you, you are people... And often your attitude towards yourself is the one that robs you from getting what you wanted... Really.
So whenever I say people in this article, I include you... for yourself.
Because your life is only as big and as beautiful as the amount of permission you have from people in your life.
So if your life, in spite of all your intentions, is small or miserable, or constrained, look at your relationship with people (including yourself) and focus on those...
The art and science of getting what you want is about people and your relationship to them.
Listen to the voices in your head that are saying now: "I already know everything about relationships..." or "maybe this will work for others, but you don't know my mother/wife/boss..."
Just tell those voices that you heard them... it will quiet them down.
Hell, I bet you missed it! This is step #1: your voices! They don't seem to be people, but they do behave like people... so treat them as people.
Let them know that you heard them... or like an insistent 3-year old, it will nag you all day, until you give in.
Really, as long as the two of you live in a tug or war, you won't get much done, you won't be very happy... so it's time.
The way I did it, the way I started it, is through connecting to the person in the mirror.
Not seeing yourself in the mirror... that is the beginning of the tug of war. No. connecting to the person in the mirror.
You can see if the person in the mirror is connecting to you... when for a moment they do... it is the scariest moment of your life. You want to run. You were seen for a moment... warts and all.
You may not even know what you want to hide, but being seen is very uncomfortable, scary, and maybe even painful.
Don't worry, you'll have time to get used to it.
Some of you will NEVER connect. It's too scary. You'll make faces, you'll stare, hold the other's stare, but NOT CONNECT.
Now you know why your life will remain fake, and the way it is.
If you hang in there, maybe you CAN connect... give it a chance.
Our fundamental relationship to others is based on fear. We weren't born that way, but we learned it fast: it is not safe to be open to others, not safe to be seen. Betrayal, abuse, judgments, being laughed at...
We learned about life... and now we are closed... But now, that you are an adult, you can deal with betrayal, abuse, judgments and being laughed at... I am not saying you like it, I am saying that you can.
If you neglect this step, creating a strong and neutral connection between you and you, you'll never be able to create to anyone... and chances are you'll get what you want through deception, manipulation, force, coercion, violence... and there is no fulfillment in that.
Here is #3: Look at the picture of the elephants... align yourself with the other.
People who always think of themselves, think that if they became better, more attractive, more something, then others would want to do for them what they want... they would be liked more, more influential, more charismatic, whatever is the buzzword of the day.
And looking at the world and others will do that to you. Tell you stupid things that are not true.
From the other's perspective, how much you care about them, about what they say, about what is important to them, is what makes you attractive to them.
The ultimate aphrodisiac.
I used to look at unattractive women who were loved, cherished by their husbands... while I was alone.
It made no sense to my self-centered way of thinking. I was prettier, smarter, blah blah blah.
And then I had a insight... First was the word "alignment" and then I combined it with the picture of footprint in the sand...
As long as you are about yourself, you will try to convince, force, manipulate the other... No fun, if you ask me.
Get interested in their path, where they are going, walk with them, and as you now walk together, you can choose any direction to go... you are now a unit.
It is art and science. You can do this well, or you can do this with an agenda... and then it doesn't work.
Or you can do it with manipulation... thousands of gurus, teachers, marketeers, politicians do it that way. Oh, and religion... 2
How do THEY do it?
I probably could read a book or two and then re-teach it. I don't recommend that route. It results in wretchedness... Even though it produces results if you know how to use it.
The Cognitive Biases are what the "seller" connects to... And once your machine is primed, it is a piece of cake.
- You can read the famous Cialdini book, Persuasion, or the next level: Presuasion.
- You can do Frank Kern's Mass Control, I'll sell you my copy.
But if you want results and a great life, learn to connect to people, appreciate what they want, align with them and then you can take them anywhere, preferably some place that is also good for them to go.
- In the upcoming Money course, I'll spend, probably, more time on your attitude towards people, than your attitude about money.
I am testing if my ideas can be received by people like you, in small workshops that I give away for free... because I am data gathering.
- Every person - with value to give - dreams about the "ideal customer" who gets it. Appreciates it. Turns it into gold. The less than 1%.
- You can learn a lot from religion on how to connect to someone's innermost fears and desires... and use those to establish alignment. The footprints story is a great example...