Just the name was enough to put the fear of god in me. But then they ushered me in this little room where I needed to answer some questions about myself, name, age, where I live, who I live with... in front of a camera.
Now, by that time I had been on television twice, seen and recognized by millions of people. And yet, I was terrified.
What was I afraid of?
This is what this article is about... what is it that you are afraid of, that you cannot tell what it is, but it is as real as that if they keep you underwater long enough, you'll be dead. Dead dead....
I scanned an article this afternoon by John Gorman. It was too long and I didn't feel like spending the time. Instead I checked out this dude, John Gorman from Austin.
And I watched some of his youtube videos playing the guitar and singing.
He is young, he looks coolish, but he has a gut.
I think: if you have a gut/belly you are afraid... more precisely your life is directed by fear. But of what?
So I am looking.
What are you afraid of?
I am a polymath... in some sense a polymath is someone who can put together a coherent whole from seemingly unrelated disciplines: music, literature, linguistics, psychology, architecture, physics, mathematics... shall I continue? I am a polymath.
I started when I was really little... at age six, I understood German, was walking around in my ballet shoes, and could sing the name the sounds of a song both in do-re-mi and c-d-e etc.
So yeah, I was on my way to be a polymath.
In high school I sat in the first row of desks, because I am very near sighted. When my literature teacher gestured, I escaped under the desk and was crying.
First signs of fear.
My body was showing signs though... ulcers, headaches, insomnia.
By 1991, I was 44, I was living in the third country, and I was really afraid.
How do you know you are afraid, other than your body is showing the signs?
You know because you are avoiding things. You dance around things. You feel tired, you don't feel up to it, you withdraw.
You do unimportant things (pebbles and sand) and don't attend to the rocks that stare you in the face.
But afraid of what?
Your actions are in a dance, in a close correlation, with what you see. Not necessarily consciously, and yet. Not what you think, not what you say, not what others say... no. What you see.
You have an occurring world, occurring reality, which reality as your world view filters it. Your world view is a set of filters, established by words. So the occurring reality is some words, the marker feelings, and reality as it really is.
In a conversation I had yesterday with a client, I had an insight: that your fear is a marker feeling, and it comes not from reality, but from the world-view-tainted reality: the occurring world.
If you could catch or dig up the words of that occurring world, the words that have the marker feeling "fear", then you could effect your world view, and you could, maybe, do more, be more, accomplish more, feel more, love more, enjoy more.
The good things you can't now have because that fear is stopping your cold.
You know what I am talking about. The things you desire but have no energy, no time, no courage, to pursue.
OK... now, how can I help you with this?
Of course if you were in Playground, it would be what I do.
But outside of the Playground... can I, will I help you?
Let me think about that...
You see, I don't want to let anyone in who is not at least part of the 5%... and because this sounds like good fun, all the gossip hungry people may get really interested...
What's the truth about you? What is your world view invisible to you?
That would be, potentially, a good title for a webinar or workshop.
The Playground is closed... but you could buy the recordings...