Why you don’t love yourself

Out of integrity, lying, coveting, envy, vengeance, hate can be compared to indigestion

Lying etc. is like indigestion.

In indigestion you give the body something to eat that the body cannot use as food. Either because it is not really food, or because it is beyond the body's ability to use it all as food.

The body makes you feel discomfort. Surprisingly this discomfort feels a lot like hunger. Exactly the opposite of what would work... I think it is our interpretation of the signal that is at fault. We seem to interpret everything as a signal to eat, to consume, to get more and more and more. Of everything.

And this is where the similarity shines most.

When you lie, betray, cheat, harm, etc. and you know that you do, you need to pile up the sh*t... you need to lie more, betray more, cheat more, harm more.

All in a misdirected effort to get away with it.

And you may seem to get away with it, except that you don't.

Without integrity nothing works.

Integrity is an inside job. You need to do the work with yourself, just like in indigestion. And not surprisingly, how you do anything is how you do everything.

You use a small lie, a small deception, to then destroy everything that you value... and build a solid foundation for hating yourself.

I am reading a book, even the title is Betrayal, and in it a group of people are betrayed. The only survivor wants vengeance... and finds an ally in someone who wants even more vengeance than he does... And his being turned into a terrorist begins.

Now, what does this have to do with integrity, indigestion, or with the price of tea in China?

Everything.

Your conscience knows.

Christians who violate the commands of their religion.
Moslems who say one thing and do another.
Politicians
Doctors
Teachers/gurus
You.

And unless you have the clarity, the courage, the intestinal fortitude, the foresight, you'll do whatever you think it will take to straighten out.

Fat chance, you say? Yeah, for most people. But YOU still can clean up your act.

It begins with telling the truth to yourself. I lied, I betrayed, I engage in vengeance, I am using someone... etc.

You'll most likely have to deal with the societal or personal memes, that you deserve it, or they deserve it, or it doesn't matter.

You don't deserve it, they don't deserve it, and it does matter.

I've had some amazing turnarounds with clients. Depending on your cultural environment, you'll probably think: I need to get my money's worth. That is, on the surface, fair enough. But you don't mean what you should mean: I'll do my side of the work so well that I'll be doing the 100,000 dollar course (see my other article explaining this). No, what you mean is that you pay for 30 minutes, but you'll keep me on the phone for two hours. And the scale is starting to tip dangerously: you are getting something you didn't pay for. And your life starts to not work... because now you cannot do YOUR work... it is starting to be all screwed up.

If you are extraordinary, like my client, or have extraordinary friends like he does, you'll notice what you are doing, and you put in correction. You restore your integrity, and the sun starts shining... until the next indiscretion... but now you know that you have a tendency.

The most frequent way you trip your conscience is through wanting what you didn't earn, wanting what belongs to another, envy, coveting something or someone.

It's not an accident that the original Ten Commandments talks about all the ways you try to make yourself get more than your due. Even killing is an act of wanting what belongs to another.

Some people cannot see that they can get much if there is a value exchange, so they immediately and unconsciously go for what belongs to another... the kinds of industries where there are losers and winners take all.

And, of course, they never increase their "earning power" (see explanation here...) because why bother. And, of course life cannot work for them.

Disease is the most frequent way you punish yourself with...

And the biggest price you pay is that you cannot love yourself and you cannot love your life.

When you love yourself... you love your life

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

2 thoughts on “Why you don’t love yourself”

  1. omg..i was just moving toward this as an explanation for some of the weird numbers (drop in integrity, super rise of desire, super rise of meme effect) on my last starting point measurements..lately, i have been indulging in a lot of hate and vengeance, a miserable downward spiral i couldn’t stop..i could not resist the marker feelings..no matter that i used all the socratic questions to evaluate the premises/the memes.. i knew i was “wrong” but..the marker feelings were so consuming, so blinding..then yesterday i was willing to consider “am i jealous?”, kinda acknowledged it..oh so not easy, and even tho i’m writing about it, i can feel i’m still not quite 100% willing to own it, mind is still making excuses, it is just so effing ugly, i just wanna puke and hide in shame..but the amount of owning it i’ve been able to do has definitely helped me better able to manage the marker feelings, and they have decreased in intensity..thank you so much for this article, for more elucidation on this “integrity” thing..i knew i’d gotten way off track and c/wouldn’t find my way back..so now i know, must be ever-vigilant about protecting my integrity..

    oh one question..so in my attempts to own this green-eyed monster, i was wondering if it is ok to rephrase it as “my genes and memes are jealous”?..i feel thru this tweak of words, i can move more easily and quickly into just straight up owning “I am jealous”..it’s not a lie, it is my genes and memes that are jealous. the soul is not jealous, the Self is not jealous, the attention is not jealous..correct?

  2. not owning it is what I am talking about… piling up lying on top of jealousy.

    the memes are not jealous. the genes are not jealous either. YOU are jealous… own it, and start earning what you want instead of taking it away, wishing it away from someone who has it.

    that is restoring integrity. it sounds harder than it is. momentary pain instead of years of pain. choose.

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