One of the brilliant ideas from the 67 steps that hardly anyone considers as applying to them is the idea of spending at least one third of their discretionary time 1 in the company of people who are ahead of them. Preferably by 20 years of experience and wisdom and results in a certain area of life.
These people will be able to teach you something, and you will feel small, ignorant, and maybe even worthless.
But you’ll have a chance to learn something useful.
Instead people prefer spending time with ignorant people they can feel smarter than. This is one of the main reasons you can continue feeling a lot more valuable than you actually are. 2
In my article “democratic” says more about this…
One of my students in the 67 steps coaching decided to start listening to me. That was a huge step for him… This happened after a whole year of pretending that he did in fact listen to me.
As a result he observed his environment and found that his boss is one of those 20 years ahead of him guys.
He went and talked to him.
This is his report about the conversation:
The person who seems to have ways of being, who does things in ways that seem very effective in business, and in social interactions, who seems to know a lot about putting in to get out.. investing into people and things to build business and finances, is my boss.
So today, as we talked a bit, I found a bit out about how I talk that isn’t very effective.
It seems, I think, from my childhood it seems, that I have to submit, roll over to talk to people in authority, superiors.
So I end up coming from the position of being a child when I ask questions, Rather that being upfront and straightforward. And being responsible for my questions.. asking what I want to find out.
As we talked, he said that I need to focus on what is important . Take care of what takes care of you as he put it. Invest your time wisely . In work and in fun and rest, so your mind is at work when you are. You have too many things on the go at once, and try to help everyone. You get spread too thin.
Those are things he said.
So, it seems that from what he is saying, I could benefit from structure.
It seems he has a longer view, bumps along the way are not a big deal, the main direction is still the same. He isn’t very reactive it seems.
It seems being scattered all over leaks energy and makes it near impossible to do any one of the things. Actually do them, Well.
I get sidetracked by so many things. And often my family gets me to do things for them that take up a lot of my time from work, things they could do themselves.
I am looking to find someone who I could talk to in person, who is successful in health.
It doesn’t feel always that I am moving forward with my health.. there are things I don’t know that I must be doing and cannot see.
Energy leaking seems it could be a big one, and rest. I don’t know yet.
One conversation. This much learning.
Take care of what takes care of you
have your mind (attention) is at work when you are
meaning you are with what you are doing, not in your head having thoughts about unrelated things.
99% of the people who you know well enough to talk to are not ahead of you, not at all.
Your mother and your father may be part of the 99%. You friends, your co-workers, your teachers even.. they are not ahead of you.
I have found that your attitude towards people who are ahead of you is childish. You resent them. You fancy yourself smarter than them. You behave either belligerent or dutiful with them.
I have some students whose father could be years ahead of them, but they don’t want to learn from them.
Being willing to “submit” to a relationship where you are the student is very uncomfortable for your precious “I”.
But if you looked at it differently, with the long view, that little discomfort will buy you a future where you are more, you have more, you do more… because you learned form someone who has been there, who has done it… instead of the knuckleheads you normally learn from, who only spout opinions. B.S. Memes. Tree of Knowledge. Useless stuff.
OK, here is a little stuff that is going to bother you:
If you are reading books… About 90% humanity doesn’t read books. They may read articles… but only because they are titillating… sound interesting… gossipy stuff.
You read to be entertained.
What is missing is the framework that creates your knowledge a coherent whole.
That is a different kind of reading.
The mind, a part of the brain, aka Plato’s Cave, has no framework. Can’t. It is a storage device where pieces of information and the exact opposite are stored, without rhyme and reason.
Reality, that is accessed with a totally different part of the brain, builds a framework of knowledge that makes evaluating new pieces of knowledge useful for life.
If you hear/read into the mind, no framework is created, and no framework is accessed.
I’ll talk in detail about that in my next article… coming later today.
- time you have control over, time you can call your own. I have found that it could be as high as two hours, but as a minimum, an hour a day is necessary if you want to grow. You’ll train your TLB with this too… because being with people who are better than you is NOT comfortable… actually it can be very painful.
I picked this video for you, for two reasons: it says what the “law” says, and it is also not comfortable to watch, because it is delivered by an Orthodox/religious Jew to other Jews… So get ready to be uncomfortable… for two reasons… lol. I am rooting for you…
- Your precious “I” is measured in your humility… It takes humility to be willing to be with the more experienced, the more successful, the more knowledgeable… because if your humility is low, you’ll never learn, and because if your humility is low, they won’t want you around…