There is a book out there that says "Choose Yourself".
I read the book back in April, it was like a huge iceberg... I saw only a tiny bit of the top part. And it worried me. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, because I didn't know how to choose myself... I didn't know what that would mean in different situations, it was nerve wrecking.
Then slowly, over two months, I asked myself the question, and one day I saw somewhere written "take care of what takes care of you". That question, as opposed to "choose yourself" opened up a new world for me.
You can always ask the question: what takes care of me? My body, my health, my legs, my digestion, reading, living in silence, the birds on my deck taking a bath, my business, my exercise class...
I saw all these and a lot more...
The most important thing that happened that this new principle took me-me-me out of the center, and put the support structure to the center... and life is a lot brighter because of that.
In researching what others had to say about this principle "take care of what takes care of you" I stumbled on a series of videos by Jared Bull who calls what he is doing Transformational Coaching... Personal vibration: 200. Truth value: 10. Why so low? Because he speaks from common knowledge, because he is, for example, not an empath... He is a sensitive. So he actually doesn't know, personally, what is it like to be an empath.
One of his videos makes a lot of sense. It has a 30% truth value and it feels like good coaching.
Here is the video.
Here is a link to his youtube channel, if you want more from him.
He talks about the narcissist as this black hole... and I tend to see his point: they NEVER take care of what takes care of them, instead they want it all from others. Desire for the self alone... no light is coming out of them.
The parts in the Starting Point Measurements that point out these narcissistic tendencies are
- 1. how much they are about themselves
- 2. the relationship between their desire and ambition. The higher that proportion, the more narcissistic the person.
I don't think narcissism is a character defect, by the way. And it is not set in stone.
Hm, I recognize myself as that person he talks about, the person who didn't get love as a child, and therefore I declared myself independent... lol.
So this also points to an aspect of "take care of what takes care of you"... give yourself the love you need... as love. Through harmonizing the two selves, the judgmental one, that belittles everything you do, is cold and much like your parent was... and the person who is trying to make their way in the world without knowing much of how to do it.
I see that the 26 years I spent in Landmark was, actually, taking care of what takes care of me. Getting glimpses, distinctions of what is under the sea level in the iceberg. Also habits, vantage points, practice to change my mind, see widely and deeply, so I am not stuck in my narrow way of seeing and judging the world, myself, and others.
I see that the idea of taking care of what takes care of you is not an overused cliche... only 9500 pages as opposed to the nine billion pages of popular notions, like love and such...
The more you see, the bigger your world becomes, and the more friendly it will feel.
One thing about this principle is "pick your battles".
If you are railing against your government, or the massacre of whales, or other things where you are expanding energy at something that is none of your business... in the context of taking care of what takes care of you, you can see that your attention needs to be pulled back to where it can make a difference. Duh... it should make sense, but for some strange reason most people will choose to fight windmills... probably to earn the right to say: I am powerless... which keeps them right... and keeps them the same.
This is what the serenity prayer is about... but no matter how many times you repeat it to yourself, until you can see the world through the distinction "except the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and know the difference".
It will sound ludicrous, but everything I teach, everything any of my coaching programs do, are teaching you to see what takes care of you, to own that it is your job, and to start taking care of what takes care of you.
The flavors are different in the 67 steps coaching, or the accountability coaching, or in the upcoming "The Science of Getting Rich... " or how to think and act in a Certain Way...
But only the tool differs, the goal is the same: putting your attention at what takes care of you, and suggest ways to do that.
We are not born with this ability... and then our upbringing corrupted up, thinking that other people should take care of us, government, spouses, parents, doctors, lawyers... while we do next to nothing to take care of what takes care of us.
It is immensely satisfying to shift our attitudes and actions. And, between you and me, what makes you a person, what evolves a Self that you can call your own, that you can be true to, is taking it on yourself, willingly, to take care of what takes care of you.
The picture suggests that taking care of what takes care of you is your duty. No one can or will take care of you, or not really. Everyone's job is to take care of what takes care of them... That is the secret of a world that works, that is the secret of a life that works.
As long as you expect something or someone to take care of your life without taking care of what you can take care of, yourself, you are set up to unhappiness, discontent, and a life of misery.
You need to reevaluate what belongs to you... and then take care of it.
In technical terms, or in ontological terms (being science) everything that belong to you: you can be responsible for. And you are responsible for enough things to create an unparalleled beautiful life... Really.
Your yearning to be taken care of is your undoing... If you are a "Finish What You Start", "Removing Hatred", "Circuitry". or "Big Picture, "Revealing the Dark Side" soul correction, this is your first thing to attend to. Hate the idea? I thought so...