I had a call with a client today. He shared that our conversations stay in his head a lot.
And while it is flattering to echo in someone’s head, I think there is a more useful way to “use” me.
When you try to remember what i said about this or that, where you are going is your “vault”, your cave, your mind… and that is the place you want to stay out of as much as you can.
Why? because life is playing out outside of the mind, and you cannot possibly be astute, appropriate, and responsive in the mind… where only the memory, the echo of what is real lives.
I have had many coaching clients over the years: remember I’ve been doing this forever… lol…
Ultimately all of them reported that they had me with them… but the question THEY asked, the question I find very useful: “What would Sophie Do? What would Sophie say?” meaning in a situation.
Now… do they know what I’d say or do? No…
The essence of asking this question is to re-orient themselves, outside of the cave, and outside of the drama that is going on…
Lots of small dramas go on in any given day… small dramas that use up your life.
Where you find yourself when things don’t go your way is squarely staring at the thing that is WRONG. It shouldn’t be, or it should be the way it is. It can be a situation, a feeling, a person, a thought, something you said that you can’t take back.
And when you face the “wrong” thing, what is wrong with your, what is wrong with them, what is wrong with it, you are disempowered.
But turning away from the “wrong” thing is hard… and it is much easier to do if you have help.
99% of what I do in my articles, in my coaching, in my webinars, is moving around where you are looking… almost in a cavalcade fashion… moving vantage points around like wind moves the clouds.
At some point you give up your fixation and move with me… and the result is that you get unstuck. What you see is suddenly a situation where you can be in power, where you can do, where you have choices and options.
When you ask: What would Sophie do? What would Sophie say? you attempt to do the same modeling after me. Life with its myriad small dramas becomes a lot more fun place to be.
One of the newest things I say is this: if you see anything wrong with anything, anything that needs to be changed or needs to be fixed, you can’t see value in the same glance.
But it is values that guide you, values that give meaning to life.
Where the values are is right behind you.
So if you can carefully turn around, away from the “wrong”, you’ll face towards the values, towards where the fun is.
But even if you can only turn away 30 degrees… it’s a whole different world, and now you feel lighter, the upset is lifting, the tension is disappearing, and you are free or at least freer.
And then your life has more light in it… and ultimately you have more energy remaining that you can use for whatever you want to use it for, instead of it being tied up in upset and ruminating.
You may even decide to grow… god forbid… lol.