You feel empty inside. Even when you are “successful” you ask yourself the question: Is this all there is? You believe that other people, money, success, power should fill you up. Nothing has worked so far… or not longer than a few minutes, maybe a few hours.
The real cause of inner emptiness and what you can do about it.
If you feel empty, you are not alone in feeling this way. In fact, most people feel empty. And they run from that emptiness, because it doesn’t just feel bad, it “means” something bad about you… or so it feels.
Some of the explanations you may give yourself why you feel empty… why you ARE empty inside:
I feel empty because:
- My partner is not giving me enough love and attention.
- I don’t have a partner.
- I’m bored because my partner doesn’t provide me with enough stimulation.
- My work is unsatisfying.
- I’m not successful enough.
- I don’t have enough money.
- I have no one to play with on weekends.
- Nothing excites me. Life is boring.
- I don’t get enough love, attention and approval from friends and relatives.
- I don’t get enough sex.
- and a ton more…
None of that, if it were set right, would fill you up, fill up your emptiness: in fact the emptiness is natural: until and unless you become a Self… you’ll be empty. In fact a ton of very famous, very successful people are or have been empty. If you look at a previous article, most of the people listed, real or fictional, are empty of Self. 1
Of course you don’t know any of this, so you are trying to fill the emptiness with stuff… and otherwise lie about it.
But some people are honest with me… because they need my help. But most lie even to me.
- Substances, such as food, sugar, alcohol, drugs or cigarettes?
- Processes and activities, such as TV, Internet, sex, computer games, work, shopping, spending, gambling, telephone or email?
- Attempting to get others’ attention or approval with niceness, caretaking, over-talking, story-telling, anger or blame?
And, of course, that empty space remains empty, because only Self can fill it.
You are trying to address the symptom, not the cause.
As I have said in other articles, humans have a split self: the pretending public self, the precious “I”, what other teachers may call “the ego”, and the puny suffering real self. Neither of them is Self.
The two selves are at odds with each other. The pretending self is judging the puny self, and vice versa.
Only when the two selves make peace, only when they move closer to each other, only then can be some semblance of harmony… when the two selves, at least some of the time, not just peacefully coexist, but there is love (affinity), compassion and support between them.
You can call that affinity/liking love, but love is so abused, love, the word is so bastardized, that no one knows how to love, no one knows how to know you are loved.
So let’s not call it love. Let’s call it affinity.
But the lack of that affinity resulting in the lack of a connection to the higher values in life, the connection to Life, is the real Cause Of Inner Emptiness. 2
In my 2012 course, Activate Divinity, we worked for more than seven months to undo the damage your abandonment had done to yourself. We attempted to restore your wholeness by re-integrating your denied and abandoned aspects.
Because it is not a lack of someone else’s love that causes your emptiness. Inner emptiness is caused by self-abandonment — you not loving yourself.
- You abandon yourself by judging yourself.
- You suppress and ignore your feelings, you retreat into the cave of your mind.
- You numb your feelings through substance and process addictions and you assign to others the “job” of loving you.
- By never taking full responsibility for YOUR role in life…
- For the fact that the only love you can feel is YOU loving… you have plenty of reasons to withhold your love… and you experience, thus, no love.
You consider yourself worthless, inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, not important, selfish, bad, wrong. You and everybody else… by the way. You live as if you were intrinsically flawed. Yet you expect others to love you… boggles the mind! 3
In that marathon course, Activate Divinity, we revisited incidents when you made your crucial decisions condemning yourself for a lifetime of suffering, aloneness, and emptiness, while blaming others and circumstances for it.
Only when you get that nothing was ever done to you, that nothing can ever be done to you, only when you can take 100% ownership of everything, is when your emptiness fills with a self… and you start to have an inner guide, instead of taking everything from the outside.
In my conversations with others my number one effort is to return my clients to the “not a victim” mindset, where they own everything that ever happened, everything they ever did, or didn’t do.
It’s a lot of work… no wonder that 99.5% of all people are empty without a Self.
- Do these people have a Self?
Madame Secretary: TV show:
The President – no
His Chief of staff – no
The Secretary of State, Elizabeth – yes
Her Husband – yes
TV show: Blue Bloods:
The Police Commissioner (Frank) – yes
His father, Henry – no
His Daughter the ADA, Erin – no
His Detective son, Danny – yes
His other son, Jamie – no
TV show: NCIS… Jethro whatever his name Gibbs – yes
President Trump – no
President Obama – yes
President Ted Roosevelt – no
Eleanor Roosevelt – yes
John Kennedy- yes
Robert Kennedy – yes
Oprah Winfrey – no
Tai Lopez – no
James Altucher – yes
Warren Buffet – yes
Charlie Munger – no
Steve Jobs – no
Bill Gates – no
Mark Zuckerberg – yes
Jeff Bezos – no
Sam Walton – no
Ayn Rand – no
Dostoevsky – yes
Pushkin – yes
Chekhov – yes
Tolstoy – yes
Lenin – no
Stalin – yes
Hitler – no
Jay Z – yes
Eminem – yes
Kanye West – yes
Arnold Schwarzenegger – yes
Michael Jordan – yes
John Wooden basketball coach – yes
Osho – no
Sheela, his one time assistant – yes
Krishnamurti – no
Mooji – no
Deepak Chopra – no
The Dalai Lama – no
Paulo Cuelho – no
Eckhart Tolle – no
don Miguel Ruiz – no
Werner Erhard – no
Nancy Zapolski – yes
Tony Robbins – no
Marianne Williamson – no
Wayne Dyer – no
Gurdjieff – no
Alexander the Great – yes
Philip the Macedon, his father – no
Socrates – yes
Plato – no
Aristotle – no
Freud – no
Jung – no
Nietzsche – no
- Remember what I said in my previous article: when you are facing towards what is “wrong” in your view, you cannot see value at all. It is always behind you. And it is values that the Self is guided by.
- You also project your worthlessness on your child! So generations after generations will need to go through what you are going through!