Advice on how to be happy is on 360 million pages, and yet seeing a genuinely happy person is very rare.
All morning I have Hungarian cabaret type songs in my head... One asks a question: Daddy, how does the big elephant go into the lion's cave when the lion invited him for tea? If he only puts his trunk in, that is very neglectful, because by the time he siphons up his tea, the lion will bite down his trunk... lol.
The second... what I hope for our children and grandchildren is to be free, to not bow down to anyone, to become a human being... weep weep.
Yesterday's "Talk to Me" was the best we have ever had. Small in numbers, diverse in cultural affiliation.
It was almost two hours long, but, as it turns out, it answered two important questions, both of which has been unanswered, I think, to every human living: how to live that you can be both secure and happy with yourself.
Until now you have been either secure or happy with yourself.
And that dichotomy, unless understood, will rule your life, and will be cause of unhappiness.
Meeting others' expectation: there are a few things to understand:
- 1. none of it is for your own benefit...it is the selfish genes of the "other" that want you to survive and to conform to the group/society's norms.
- 2. the price you pay for not meeting others' expectations is the threat of being ostracized, or getting no support. You are largely on your own... unless, of course you are "selfless" and build for them, instead of yourself.
- 3. gratitude, acknowledgment, smiles are designed to keep you doing what the group want. No smiles, no acknowledgment, no smiles when you win for yourself.
Moreover that they are supposed to only take good steps, go straight for the prize, whatever that is. The result: utter unhappiness, being under a yoke.
The truth is very very very different.
The truth of happiness is, in fact, a lot like integrity: as long as you take steps in the direction of True North, you are in integrity.
Meeting your own expectations is, in fact, meeting Life's expectations. Life wants more life, it wants growth.
In meeting your own expectations, as long as you take actions towards being an Expanding Human Being, you are fulfilling your own expectations, which are really not your own, not personal, and not as damning as you imagine.
The expectations are not for results, they are for movement. More often for the "how" of the actions, more than the actions themselves.
If you can manage the societal misdirection that wants you to bring home prizes, win at all cost, deny of any fulfillment to yourself... you can be happy with every action, even the stupid, clumsy, mistaken, poorly performed actions, as long as you notice what is missing, and intend to do it better next time.
If I had remained slave to societal expectations of winning big, I would still be an unhappy wretch. But somewhere along the lines I dropped that, and now I am happy getting a little bit bigger, better, smarter, every day.
- Go for the guttural...
- Wait until you feel like it...
- Do nothing until you are sure...
... are all societal expectation mistakes... and render you not expanding, not growing, not being happy with yourself.
The stronger your dependence, emotional dependence on family, the less happy you are. The less courage you are. The less you fulfill your own expectations of yourself: to be an Expanding Human Being, because no one else in your family is!
You being happy and fulfilling their expectation of yourself seem to be at odds.
It's not an accident that nearly every article emphasizes that love and belonging are the most important... because society wants you to be unhappy. Being an individual, happy, Expanding Human Being is a threat to society/family. -->Click to read footnote 1
By the way, your new family, spouse, children, etc. will try to keep you in bondage if they find out that you want to be happy.
Only the students that keep what they are up to to themselves. The ones that babble... they get drawn back into the chicken coop, aka the crab bucket. -->Click to read footnote 2
Stupid as the stupid does... now you know. You know who you are.
PS: I am dyslexic. Dyslexia is on the autistic spectrum, and it comes, often, with other symptoms, other than related to reading.
A large percentage of brilliant people is dyslexic. Why?
Autism means atypical brain. Like everything, the blueprint of a neurotypical brain is in the DNA... During womb-development the plan about the cells that are supposed to become brain cells and the distribution of them is slightly out of whack, and you get too many in one area and too few in others, like reading social clues, social interactions, etc...
Because of this atypical brain cell distribution dyslexics see the world differently from others, so they will not be ruled by the same rules as the masses, the chicken coop, the sheep.
This is why they can become outstanding, inventors, scientists, mavericks, etc.
Occasionally you get a dyslexic, by mistake, elected president.
Trump, if you watch him, has an atypical brain, he is dyslexic, and he doesn't give a damn what is good for the nation, he only cares about having a good old time himself. He is a really public and really extreme example... lol.
PPS: Clients/students of mine who do well, and happy with themselves, have managed to develop a healthier relationship with family, to be less under the tyranny of family, under the fear of not belonging.
The students who have hardest time becoming an individual are the students whose religion is most family/clan oriented... or alternatively students who had an early abandonment experience, whether the abandonment was physical or emotional.
Like I said in an earlier article, coming to terms with what happened, what it means, is the most important work these students can do. It may take a few sessions, but without setting the record straight, they will be afraid to become an individual.
* I've read a fantastic book Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine that seems to prove that being able to look the tiger in the eye can heal anyone.
Looking the tiger in the eye is not what most people do... they talk about the tiger, but never actually look at it when they recount their story. Looking the tiger in the eye means looking, emotionless long enough to see the colors in the iris, or count the hairs in the tiger's ears.
That is the secret to most healing, by the way. Once you can do it with one thing, you now have proof that you can... And most things in life belong to those who can look the tiger in the eye... wealth, health, happiness, fulfillment, even love.
My newest binge watching series on Netflix is the Designated survivor. The actor, Kiefer Sutherland's vibration is 200. The character, the accidental president of the United States, has a vibration of 300. And that president, unlike any US president since Abraham Lincoln, had the courage and the power to look the tiger in the eye.
So, as you can see, looking the tiger in the eye is not an ordinary feat... even though you can do it.
Like most things you can do it... but will you? That is the question. The question for life.
What will win out: meeting others expectation or meeting your own?
Your happiness depends on it.
PPPS: If you want to listen to the totally unorthodox call from yesterday...
...that lead to this article and the insights in it, you need to register on the subscribers' website, it's free, but you need to confirm your email through clicking on the email that arrives right after you register.
If you are already a member of that site, you don't need to re-register.
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Warning, I release some f-bombs, as is my habit... if you are offended, please don't go there.